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Original poster

To think people at work shouldn't ask 'what happened to your hand?'

307 replies

StarShineHello · 12/08/2024 18:55

Currently have a bandage on my hand due to a skin infection. I have bad eczema which got infected and in a very bad state.

I've had to wrap it up because it's just so gross to see.

Today five different people have asked me what's wrong with my hand.

I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers.

I understand there's a level of small talk in the bank/shop/post office but to ask someone a medical question just seems rude? It was every shop I went in.

And I just lied and said I burnt myself because I didn't want to go into details about infected skin and my eczema.

AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??

OP posts:
WhiteWriting · 13/08/2024 20:14

When you are randomly interrogating a stranger you can't be sure which it is though can you? It's weird and intrusive.

Krabappel · 13/08/2024 20:06

WhiteWriting · 13/08/2024 19:58

Observation from reading full thread = the lived experience of those living with skin conditions/visible disabilities is please stop asking it's wearing, intrusive and at times distressing. Everyone else on thread wilfully ignoring this and continuing to virtue signal.

But does a random hand in a bandage signal disability usually? Most people assume it's an injury which is not particularly sensitive

And even saying don't bring up disabilities... I'm sure some disabled people are happy to answer questions and educate people rather than it being some marker of shame that people have to pretend to be blind to

WhiteWriting · 13/08/2024 19:58

Observation from reading full thread = the lived experience of those living with skin conditions/visible disabilities is please stop asking it's wearing, intrusive and at times distressing. Everyone else on thread wilfully ignoring this and continuing to virtue signal.

ceallachmint · 13/08/2024 19:55

wombat15 · 13/08/2024 18:23

It is fine to ask someone if they are okay or if they need any help but why would you need to know what happened? If they are happy to tell you they will volunteer the information.

Show quote history

True, I suppose I wouldn't need to know and that certainly wouldn't be the reason for asking. I think people probably just ask as a way of showing they care tbh.

wombat15 · 13/08/2024 19:39

Bellsandthistle · 13/08/2024 19:37

@wombat15 I’m not sure but it seems like ableism to me.

I agree.

Bellsandthistle · 13/08/2024 19:37

@wombat15 I’m not sure but it seems like ableism to me.

wombat15 · 13/08/2024 19:35

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What does "No one cares that much about your disability or whatever to be nosey!" mean?

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:31

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I'll go with the majority, who were upset no one asked, who asked put of care or politeness.

You stay in your world of "people are just being nosey"

It's quite a small world though.

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:26

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wombat15 · 13/08/2024 19:26

Sennelier1 · 13/08/2024 19:21

There's a big difference between seeing a disabled person ór seeing your coworker, who you know is not wearing bandages on a daily base, now having her hand wrapped up. Jno, you don't ask a disabled person how that happened, but you might ask your collegue if she has hurt herself.

Show quote history

OP isn't talking about coworkers.

SnozPoz · 13/08/2024 19:24

"The other person looks worse"
"I could tell you but I'd have to kill you"
"Don't worry I don't think I'm infectious anymore"
Lots of ways of telling people to mind their own business without actually saying it

purpleshortcake2021 · 13/08/2024 19:22

StarShineHello · 12/08/2024 18:55

Currently have a bandage on my hand due to a skin infection. I have bad eczema which got infected and in a very bad state.

I've had to wrap it up because it's just so gross to see.

Today five different people have asked me what's wrong with my hand.

I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers.

I understand there's a level of small talk in the bank/shop/post office but to ask someone a medical question just seems rude? It was every shop I went in.

And I just lied and said I burnt myself because I didn't want to go into details about infected skin and my eczema.

AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??

I’d just say “it’s a long term / chronic condition I have that flares up every now and again” …then change the subject. I have eczema too and can understand the impressment factor. Hope it heals up soon x

Sennelier1 · 13/08/2024 19:21

wombat15 · 13/08/2024 19:10

Ask any disabled person if they like strangers going up to them and asking question about why they are disabled and you might find people with experience of your type of "care" actually think you are quite rude and nosey.

Show quote history

There's a big difference between seeing a disabled person ór seeing your coworker, who you know is not wearing bandages on a daily base, now having her hand wrapped up. Jno, you don't ask a disabled person how that happened, but you might ask your collegue if she has hurt herself.

TonTonMacoute · 13/08/2024 19:20

YABU

It's polite concern, you don't have to tell them the truth. Jeez!

wombat15 · 13/08/2024 19:20

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:14

@wombat15 but clearly the vast majority on this thread disagree!

We are talking about someone that's gone into work with an injury, not had it long term, so people will say .... oh what's happened.

You're talking about a long term disability, that people understand you've had for sometime, which is something they wouldn't question.

It's different.

OP hasn't just had an injury though. The problem is due to a chronic medical condition and she doesn't want to talk about it. See above.

XenoBitch · 13/08/2024 19:20

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:14

@wombat15 but clearly the vast majority on this thread disagree!

We are talking about someone that's gone into work with an injury, not had it long term, so people will say .... oh what's happened.

You're talking about a long term disability, that people understand you've had for sometime, which is something they wouldn't question.

It's different.

Has anyone actually read the OP's post?

She is on about being asked in shops etc by the staff... not her work colleagues (although yes, the title of this thread is misleading).

She says I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers

The majority of people on this thread seem to disagree with OP because they have not actually read her posts.

wombat15 · 13/08/2024 19:18

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:10

They could ask how you are and if you need any help without asking nosey questions about what happened.

Political correctness was gone fucking mad!!

Get over yourself! People don't need to script what they say! Because they mustn't dare say "you ok, what happened"?

It's not "political correctness" to understand that not everyone want to talk about their illness and disability. Before asking questions think about whether it is your business. Asking people what they want or need shows you care and is very different to asking people what is wrong with them or what happened etc.

Sennelier1 · 13/08/2024 19:17

It's the only way people have to show they are concerned for your wellbeing, so embrace it! Yes you may lie, tell them whatever you want, but don't get angry because they ask! There is enough i difference in the world as it is, so asking what happened to your hand is rather sweet!

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:14

@wombat15 but clearly the vast majority on this thread disagree!

We are talking about someone that's gone into work with an injury, not had it long term, so people will say .... oh what's happened.

You're talking about a long term disability, that people understand you've had for sometime, which is something they wouldn't question.

It's different.

Sparklesandbeer · 13/08/2024 19:10

You can just say eczema. It's not like most people aren't aware of it nowadays. You don't need to go into details.

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:10

They could ask how you are and if you need any help without asking nosey questions about what happened.

Political correctness was gone fucking mad!!

Get over yourself! People don't need to script what they say! Because they mustn't dare say "you ok, what happened"?

wombat15 · 13/08/2024 19:10

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:08

@wombat15 I'm sure you don't understand, like you don't understand that people are not being nosey! 🤷‍♀️

Ask any disabled person if they like strangers going up to them and asking question about why they are disabled and you might find people with experience of your type of "care" actually think you are quite rude and nosey.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 13/08/2024 19:09

Gosh I'd be making all sorts up. By the 10th person I'd have caught my hand in a threshing machine during my volunteer grain harvesting shift and having an agonising wait to see if the reattached fingers were going to make it.

I'd also have done a complete surprise what bandages? OMG!!!!

Also a simple "washing up" followed by a French shrug

Possibly leprosy too.

wombat15 · 13/08/2024 19:08

Over71 · 13/08/2024 19:05

Many years ago, I turned up at work on crutches.
No-one asked what happened, how I was, etc.

That was very upsetting - not showing any concern for me.

They could ask how you are and if you need any help without asking nosey questions about what happened.

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 19:08

Over71 · 13/08/2024 19:05

Many years ago, I turned up at work on crutches.
No-one asked what happened, how I was, etc.

That was very upsetting - not showing any concern for me.

Exactly!

As many have said!