To think people at work shouldn't ask 'what happened to your hand?'

People are just nosy but they're conditioned that way as if it's polite. For example asking exactly where you're from or if you're in a taxi whether you're going to or from work. People should learn to just be quiet. There's nothing wrong with it

They are taking an interest. They are assuming it is something minor, so just make something up. I fell over and badly grazed my hand etc.

Why not just say your eczema flared up? Loads of people have eczema so I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid. It wouldn't occur to me that there were any embarrassing ailments you could have on your hand that someone would feel uncomfortable being asked about. Most people seem to love talking about themselves.

With something that obvious it seems rude and self centred not to ask - even though I can see why you wouldn’t like it!

This said my thinking better than what I said.

Fair enough. I just walked back from Tesco and on my way in was a girl in the car park arguing with a guy. When I walked out she was alone and looked upset. I asked if she was ok, she said I’m fine, I asked if she was sure and she said honestly, we’re having a silly fight but thanks. I said glad to hear it and walked on.

That wasn’t me rubber necking - I was actually on my way to nursery pick up so her saying ‘actually can we chat’ wouldn’t have been great for me - but I’ve been on the other side of it and I’d have appreciated someone asking. It’s horrible crying in public and people walking past, I don’t think having a visible injury is different. People want to show they care.

I genuinely believe that most human intention is good. That’s what this comes down to, really.

I broke my foot and toe recently, went into work with it all strapped up and wearing a moon boot/shoe thing. Of course people are going to ask what happened! The follow up was often ouch, are you sure you should be here? And lots of offers to fetch things for me, make tea etc throughout the day, it's nice, people ask because they care.

Also I guarantee there is a thread on here somewhere along the lines of "i went into work today with a visible injury and not one person asked if I was ok/what had happened, AIBU to think they're all narcissistic bastards" .
People can't win

You might be very surprised about people's response if you told them the real reason.

It's a bit like "owning " your skin issue and not be afraid/ashamed of it.

I'm talking from my own experience so I get it OP.

There are a million things that could be personal and embarrassing and if other people must avoid tripping over these we would never ask anyone anything.
But that would also mean we could never show concern for our fellow humans, which would be a sad state of affairs.

A bandaged hand would be read as maybe a sprain and you tell the story of how you did that, and then two humans have shared their small events + some sympathy/care/friendly piss take

It is your choice what information to divulge.
This is what little white lies are for, if the truth isn't an anecdote/something you want to mention but it's something you want to keep private - you invent a bland answer and close it down.

It's just an invitation to connect.

Obviously there is a balance and there are some questions we don't ask because it's obvious before you even ask them it would be an awkward answer, but there are those that are ambiguous, like your bandaged hand... and someone who has reason to care for you as a fellow human, colleague, parent of school pal whatever might well ask and that's natural humanity - we also don't ask random strangers about their bandaged hand (or whatever)... The personal connection is relevant.

@Cheepcheepcheep

People are caring.

My mum had a box fall on her and got a black eye and lots of people were asking a head-tilty ‘is everything ok?’

I don’t think it’s caring at all; I think it’s just stickybeaking masquerading as being caring.

If someone is in imminent danger or distress then asking them if they’re ok is reasonable. If something has been dealt with there is no need other than curiosity and that can take a back seat until it is sought. People need to wind their necks in.

Yanbu at all, op

If I went in with a visible injury and my colleagues ignored it I would think it was very odd.

I think that is something that if you don't like you either have to go "oh I try not to discuss medical issues" or go with the joking option of "busy weekend, got bitten by my pet shark actually".

People are human. We have to live with it.

People are caring.

My mum had a box fall on her and got a black eye and lots of people were asking a head-tilty ‘is everything ok?’

I have psoriasis and during my last flare I looked like I had a facial burn. Lots of people asked, they were really concerned and just didn’t have the understanding that a skin condition can look like that.

I completely understand why you feel like people need to butt out, I felt the same dying my last psoriasis flare. But honestly - people caring is not the worst thing in the world. If my facial injury had been the result of abuse or something I know people would have felt awful to just ignore it. Same with my mum’s black eye.

You have choices:

1. Thanks, don’t want to talk about it but I’m fine.
2. Bitten by a shark 😄
3. Oh thanks, but it’s an eczema flare - to which the person either goes ‘oh ok’ and leaves it or goes ‘gosh, I didn’t know eczema could present like that…’ and gets educated for next time it comes up

No, it’s not your job to educate the world but I honestly think I’ve made the world a better place (minorly!) for psoriasis sufferers by explaining the condition to people.

Sending sympathies though - a flare up is pants and the last thing you probably want to do is manage the expectation of others. I don’t think you’re BU for the way you feel but neither are the people who are showing concern.

I thought you meant by colleagues at your work, which would be normal, but YANBU it’s weird and intrusive for shop assistants etc to be asking.

Agree. A close relative needs to wear a very visible support on her leg. She gets asked 'what happened to your leg?' so so often. She doesn't like talking about it because she has found it very hard to come to terms with needing it so to have it repeatedly pointed out is really quite upsetting. After some years of answering with varying degrees of honesty, she's now going for the tack of pretending they hadn't spoken and saying something banal about the weather etc.
I would never point out someone's medical issue like this. You've no idea of the circumstances behind it.

It's interesting you say this.

My ds has a visible disability (wears a splint and often on crutches). He has many friends through para sport with missing limbs.

They all say it's odd that people fall over themselves to try and be what they consider the most PC to ignore the elephant in the room!

Personally I don't think someone checking a customer is ok is a bad thing. You don't need to explain your medial history. They aren't actually asking for a medical diagnosis in order to serve you! Either say something funny as suggested above or just say "oh I hurt it but I'm ok - thanks for asking"

No one can do or say anything nowadays because someone is always highly offended 🧐

It comes from a natural and well meaning place but I agree it’s a bit insensitive. It could very easily be something the person doesn’t want to talk about. I wouldn’t do it unless it was someone I knew really well.

Its a bit like the people who ask newly married couples when they are planning to have children…. Why? Just keep it to yourself!

Ffs 🙄

It’s a natural reaction.

If people didn’t ask no doubt someone would complain that no one cares about them as no one has asked after an obvious injury/issue.

Yes this.

When I broke my ankle, it felt like every single person in the flipping school asked me,

Students and teachers!

It was a boring story so so told them so got bitten by a tiger.

You are right to just lie to people. It's a bit intrusive of people to ask, unless they are actually family/close friends.

I don't think it's an unreasonable question from a friend or colleague. Very rude from a total stranger.

I thought I was nosey.

They're just being nice. Others would find it rude if they didn't mention it. I think you're perfectly entitled to lie if you want to. Sorry your hand is so sore :(