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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be getting irritated by adult daughter going out every night?

37 replies

OldBoringMum · 12/08/2024 15:58

I know I am because she is an adult (21) and she can go out whenever she likes but it is really griping me.

She always says she will be back by a certain usually reasonable time then ten minutes before she is due back she will text and say she is just chatting and will be back later. Usually around midnight.

No big deal right? But she is waking me up every time. She's coming home at midnight, rattling around getting ready for bed which wakes me up and I cannot get back to sleep for ages then I have to wake up early for my day.

If it was just the weekend I would let it fo but it is most nights now and I am exhausted.

OP posts:
Michelle987 · 12/08/2024 16:13

Ear plugs

Lilaccprincess · 12/08/2024 16:12

You’ll get comments saying yabu because she’s an adult but personally I wouldn’t find this behaviour acceptable from my husband. Some people have to work late and midnight is a normal time for them getting home but the disrespect is how loud she’s being when she gets home.

I would be mortified if I was keeping my mum awake and she was sleep deprived because of my actions.

It’s okay for her to be out but she needs to be more respectful when she gets home.

MikeRafone · 12/08/2024 16:10

This isn't acceptable behaviour

can you imagine if she was in a flat share and her flat mate was being woken every night, then they'd talk to her and explain its not working out - either shut the fuck up coming in or move

FetchAPail · 12/08/2024 16:09

Agree with white noise, I use a speaker and it blocks out so much.

Snacksgalore · 12/08/2024 16:07

rubyslippers · 12/08/2024 16:03

Midnight isn’t that late

what’s annoying is it’s disturbing you as you’re on different schedules

have you spoken to her about it and if so, what’s her solution?

I agree. I mean, I like to be in bed by 9.30 and asleep by 10 as I need lots of sleep and wake early but I know 12 isn’t late for many adults.

LifeExperience · 12/08/2024 16:06

Tell her to be quiet when she gets in late.

soupfiend · 12/08/2024 16:06

Multi generational living doesnt always work, you're not able to relax in your own home and she feels the need to text you about what time she is coming home.

I would always urge people to move out, even if into a bedsit, there is nothing like having your own space and I think when young adults live at home it infantilises them

rubyslippers · 12/08/2024 16:03

Midnight isn’t that late

what’s annoying is it’s disturbing you as you’re on different schedules

have you spoken to her about it and if so, what’s her solution?

Itiswhysofew · 12/08/2024 16:02

What can you do?🤷‍♀️ She needs her freedom. You can only ask her to be extra quiet, or give her a Mon-Fri curfew.

What time do you normally head up to bed?

Twitchyeyebrow · 12/08/2024 16:01

Yes she is a grown adult, but it's not about her age, or even her coming in later is it, it's about her lack of thought for you as she clatters around!

I think as well with adults still living at home, yes they are adults, but if they want to stay in the same house as you, they need to be considerate and every adult in the house think about each other's needs, feelings and routines. The need to sleep before work is a bit of a no brainer! 🙄

Is your DD not working at all if she's out every night?? Or does she just work different times to you?

I used to do bar work at 18 but would be like a mouse when I got home because everyone else was on a 9-5 life.

Snacksgalore · 12/08/2024 16:01

Can you ask her to be quieter? Sounds like you just need to turn your phone onto silent at 10 and work out ways you can sleep eg ear plusgs, noise cancelling headphones.

Stath · 12/08/2024 16:01

Can you put a white noise thing on or an app like Calm?
and have you told her to be quiet when she comes back?

Why does she text to say she’s coming home? Is it a safety thing/locking up?

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