I started EMDR a few weeks ago to try and help with OCD around germs/contamination that started after one of my DC was hospitalised as a baby. I also have history of an abusive mum and was advised that EMDR might help with this too.
I'm finding the therapy itself really hard. The first treatment session (where we were actually using the EMDR technique) was ok, but in the second session I felt completely dissociated towards the end, and could barely string a sentence together. I know I dissociate in times of stress and it's happened before in therapy, but I'm usually able to get back out of it reasonably quickly, whereas it felt as though each section of EMDR was just pushing me back into dissociation.
I'm meant to be going tonight, and I don't want to go. I've got form for quitting therapy just when I'm hitting stuff that is really painful, so I don't know if my resistance is just because I'm processing such painful stuff and I'm about to make a breakthrough, but I'm also worried that becoming dissociated repeatedly will make things worse rather than better.
(Yes, I know I should talk to my therapist about this, but it feels such a weird dynamic and so different to other therapy that I've had before where there is a lot of talking, with a good therapeutic relationship being at the heart of the therapy. Sometimes I feel as though I am just irritating this therapist!)
Is what I'm experiencing normal and have other people experienced this and I just need to keep going? Or is it that the therapist and I aren't a good fit if I don't feel as though he even likes me very much!