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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be worried about boyfriend’s work ethic?

183 replies

Duplofez · 12/08/2024 14:47

We don’t live together yet but I’m considering moving in soon, and then marrying who it having a family with him in the future.

I’m starting to worry about the future though, because it’s becoming clear that we have very different views when it comes to work. I think it’s really important to turn up every day, and I will very rarely take the day off ill. If I’m feeling under the weather, I’ll just work from home.

Boyfriend however will take any opportunity he can to be off work. He really doesn’t like his job, and every time he has even a minor cold he’ll take multiple days off work ill. He’s currently had an illness where the doctor recommended he work from home for a week, but instead he’s asked the doctor to write a letter saying he needs to be off work completely for 2 weeks. We’re then on holiday for 2 weeks so he’ll have been away from work for a month in a row.

I’d get it if this one a one off thing, but he also hated his last job and told me he hated the job before that too.

I worry that if we had kids and a mortgage etc in the future, him taking off so much time could get him fired and leave us financially vulnerable.

AIBU to be worried about this?

OP posts:
Berga · 12/08/2024 15:08

He doesn't like working, that's clear, so make very careful decisions based on that. Trying to get the Dr to change advice is taking it quite far.

Otherwise, can we all please stop saying that if you are ill you can still work at home. Working at home is still working, those of us who work at home are not taking it easy or putting less work in. I also would not want to be on several zoom calls with D and V or coughing my guts up.

HelpMeGetThrough · 12/08/2024 15:08

He does have other good qualities. He’s very kind and funny and sweet.

That doesn't pay the bills, unless he's a comedian.

Tristar15 · 12/08/2024 15:08

Once you have a house with him he will have even more reason to avoid work as you’ll be there to pay the bills. The ‘own business’ thing is also an excuse to do nothing, he’ll pretend he’s working on it but in reality will do nothing but won’t help you around the house as he’ll be too busy with work. Also if you have kids and end up divorced he’ll be able to pretend he doesn’t earn a lot so won’t pay you maintenance.
This would give me the ick. He sounds irresponsible and I wouldn’t risk tying your finances to his.

SoloMuppet · 12/08/2024 15:07

Duplofez · 12/08/2024 15:04

Good job in the sense that it’s highly paid and sought after. He’s very highly qualified and intelligent. He just reacts badly when he doesn’t get good feedback and it makes him want to quit.

Run don’t walk!

Imagine living with someone who reacts badly when they hear something they don’t want to. Don’t do it, he’ll make your life miserable and you’ll end up walking on eggshells!

Original poster
Duplofez · 12/08/2024 15:07

Singleandproud · 12/08/2024 15:04

Why are you considering moving in and marrying him? What is he bringing to the table? Is it just you've been together a while and that's the next logical step in which case I'd re-evaluate and not settle for him

He does have other good qualities. He’s very kind and funny and sweet.

if I’ve had a long day for example and go round to his after work, he’ll have run me a bath and cooked me my favourite food without asking etc.

My friends and family love him. It’s just his work ethic (or maybe it’s more a resilience issue?) that bothers me

OP posts:
Ithinkwedbefriendscomelittlebabe · 12/08/2024 15:06

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HelpMeGetThrough · 12/08/2024 15:05

He just reacts badly when he doesn’t get good feedback and it makes him want to quit.

So if he works for himself and a client gives him a hard time, is he going to get rid of them?

Original poster
Duplofez · 12/08/2024 15:04

He’s late twenties

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 12/08/2024 15:04

Why are you considering moving in and marrying him? What is he bringing to the table? Is it just you've been together a while and that's the next logical step in which case I'd re-evaluate and not settle for him

Ithinkwedbefriendscomelittlebabe · 12/08/2024 15:04

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/08/2024 15:04

He won't be a good person to have a baby with

Original poster
Duplofez · 12/08/2024 15:04

Good job in the sense that it’s highly paid and sought after. He’s very highly qualified and intelligent. He just reacts badly when he doesn’t get good feedback and it makes him want to quit.

OP posts:
Ithinkwedbefriendscomelittlebabe · 12/08/2024 15:04

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Ithinkwedbefriendscomelittlebabe · 12/08/2024 15:03

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Original poster
Duplofez · 12/08/2024 15:03

Tbskejue · 12/08/2024 15:00

I had a boyfriend like this and it was so stressful as he changed jobs a lot. In the time you’ve been together has he changed jobs?

He’s changed jobs once whilst with me, but told me he hated the job prior to that aswell. For all of these jobs, he’s said he’s just had awful bosses who were unfairly critical of him. But I worry that maybe he was the problem because who has 3 bosses in a row that hate them for no reason?

OP posts:
Original poster
Duplofez · 12/08/2024 15:01

The job he does have is a very good one, and very competitive to get into.

He was desperate to get into this role but he’s now hating it because he doesn’t like his bosses and they’re giving him bad feedback about how he’s doing.

he wants to start his own business, so he’s said he’ll use the 2 weeks to focus on making headway with getting that set up. But it seems like the business is a gamble and I worry about what will happen if it fails and he has to go back to working for others.

OP posts:
HelpMeGetThrough · 12/08/2024 15:00

We had someone in our team like this, if he farted the wrong way he was off sick.

He was made "redundant" in an engineered restructure.

Tbskejue · 12/08/2024 15:00

I had a boyfriend like this and it was so stressful as he changed jobs a lot. In the time you’ve been together has he changed jobs?

HermioneWeasley · 12/08/2024 14:59

do not marry this man and do not have kids with him.

Icanttakethisanymore · 12/08/2024 14:59

StuckOnTheCeiling · 12/08/2024 14:57

Ooh, sorry OP I would end this now!

You are absolutely right to worry about the financial position you could end up in. But I’d be more worried that this is exactly the attitude he will take to the housework and parenting too.

Exactly - being a good parent is hard. There's a lot of 'doing stuff you don't want to do, but need to' involved.

Ithinkwedbefriendscomelittlebabe · 12/08/2024 14:59

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Thepeopleversuswork · 12/08/2024 14:59

Agree with PPs. I would also find this a huge turn off. A person who constantly has a “what’s in it for me?” attitude and tries to get away with as little as possible in life is not motivated or together and won’t make a good partner.

ClockworkDisaster · 12/08/2024 14:59

This would really put me off. I don’t understand people who put more effort into not going to work than actually going to work.

Have his previous jobs been in the same sector? Does he keep taking the same job which he doesn’t like or has he tried other things?

I have had jobs which I don’t like but you just have to get on with it. My current job has some very rough days but I’ve been doing it for almost 3yrs now without a single sick day. If I feel rough I can work from home. But I still work.

kiwiane · 12/08/2024 14:59

He’s not a keeper - he’ll be using excuses to shift the load to you in future.

Gowlett · 12/08/2024 14:58

I went out with a guy who hated his job, but it was more the moaning about it all the time… He really wanted to find a nice girl, get married, buy a house, have kids. Just like his brothers. So, he was willing to stick with the job for that.
Luckily, I’m not a nice girl so I dumped him. Couldn’t be listening to that for the rest of my life! He still works there…