To be worried about boyfriend’s work ethic?

I wish I'd read the signs better at this stage because my partner is the same. He's eventually found a job he can tolerate but even that is very low paid. He absolutely refuses to do anything else and we have two small kids and a mortgage so there's not much I can do about it now! He's fine in most other ways but his work ethic really bothers me sometimes. You hit the nail on the head talking about his lack of resilience, mine is the same!
We rub along ok and he's genuinely a great father and he and the kids would be beyond gutted if we broke up. But if I had my time again I would've binned him off before I was 15 years in with a family 😆

Well done for spotting the red flags now OP before your be invested too much into this.

Unfortunately he’s not a keeper. You are in different places. He also sounds like one of those that have been in a job 5 minutes and because they have some qualifications, feel he knows better than the bosses. Not a great attitude.

Running you baths will not pay the mortgage. It’s not going to work.

OP, how many red flags.
Bad childhood which will ALWAYS be with you in this relationship too.

You need therapy.....your standards are low and you badly need a course of self preservation and self protection.

You can't say you weren't warned.

I have a friend who couldn't handle having a boss i.e. taking instructions or criticism from anyone. He got fired or walked out of so many jobs as a result. He is now working for himself as a taxi driver and has been for about 25/30 years.

OP,

To say you will BITTERLY REGRET not taking this very seriously is a huge understatement.

This is your future.
Constantly changing jobs brings huge stress and instability.
ALWAYS having a problem with colleagues, employer, not being appreciated for their brilliance.....it's all part of the same pot as is setting up their own business.

YOU will be the only adult in the relationship and if you are foolish enough to have children with him, boy will you pay dearly.

You will be paying and doing everything as he will never be dependable.

As for love?
That goes out the window with respect.

He has a huge personality issue.
Don't ignore your gut desperately trying to warn you.

Don't move in, don't marry him.

If you must stay with him, watch how the next two years play out....if you last that long.
Men often hide this part of themselves until they have hooked a mummy figure to be dependable to do the dirty business of being responsible for bills etc.

I bet if you moved in, he would have a crisis in work and resign as he figured his future out.🙄

Donkeys years ago my friend moved in with someone like this, 2 months in he had a blow up at work and resigned. Thank God she was no mug and when she realised he was thinking of taking extended time off and thinking about working for himself, she moved straight back out again. She told him I never agreed to financially support you and have zero interest in being involved with someone so flakey.

Wake up OP, listen to your gut.

Fucking hell, you've wasted two years on this? Come on now. The writing is on the wall, please read it.

I agree, this would bother me. There's a fine line between acceptable days off (those that are factored in, and using them to their full potential), and taking the piss. He is likely to get managed out if he continues this.

Literally everything you add about him makes things even worse. Don't be your own worst enemy. End it.

What a waster.

I’d find his whole attitude deeply unattractive, even without the worries about your financial future.

I’ll bet his previous bosses all couldn’t wait to get rid of him and were gleefully waving him out the door on his last day at each place.

This would be a deal breaker for me. I can't stand any sort of malingering, and the fact he will exaggerate symptoms to get time off indicates he is dishonest as well as idle. Unless he has some form of undiagnosed medical condition that means he genuinely feels more ill than the average person would, I'd not make him my life partner. He won't change, in fact when you're financially tied he'll take more advantage and you'll carry the burden.

Your future is giving him endless money for his business.

If he doesn't like criticism he won't last five minutes in business, customers and clients are unreasonable af and he sounds far too lazy to work a hundred hours a week in the beginning to make it work.

Its a huge red flag and one I wish I hadn't ignored when I married exH....

Have you had a major disagreement with him yet? I’d be interested to know whether he treats personal disagreements the same way.

🚩 you are not compatible. How unattractive. I could not be with someone like that.

He does have other good qualities. He’s very kind and funny and sweet.

So are most strangers you meet. That doesn't mean you should try to build a future with them.

I think you are right. And the “I need to be my own boss” says it all.

Throw this one back OP.

Well if you want to stay with him do so BUT do it full in the knowledge that this is him at his best.
You won't be able to change him to have a better work ethic in future, this is it.

What about when you need to criticise him for not stepping up at home eg while juggling a toddler and a newborn. Will he decide you hate him and bail out of your relationship too?
never marry someone who sulks or kicks out when legitimately criticised.