To be worried about boyfriend’s work ethic?

I’ve read all your responses and he seems like a good, intelligent person who struggles with criticism at work. That’s a skill and mindset that can be worked on.. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

As he’s in currently in therapy it’s likely he’ll have it in him to address it if you tell him your concerns for the future.

My ex was like this.

He found a mug breadwinner to marry and is essentially a house husband.

Who has no kids & does no domestic work.

Run.

What does he do when he's off work?

-Does he sit around feeling sorry for himself/gaming/being useless (red flag)

-Does he use the time to figure out and plan his amazing next steps/new business (smart guy, possibly green flag!)

You'd have to be mad to commit yourself to a man like this, especially if you're from a background where divorce is disapproved of.

He will go freelance and will fall out with everyone. You'll have joint accounts and a mortgage that you have to keep going. His lack of resilience is the very last thing you need in a partner.

This is your chance. You know you'll regret it otherwise.

If he can't take constructive criticism, which is essential for development in any role, AND three bosses in a row have disliked him, he is the problem.

He doesn't want to do things the correct way, probably because he thinks he knows better, and doesn't react well to anything other than good feedback. He's not going to be able to stay stable in a role, and if he sets up on his own and does something wrong for clients, he's going to be done.

Aside from that, how do you think he's going to react if you give him "bad feedback" because he's not pulling his weight round the house? Or with the future kids? Or, god forbid, is doing something dangerous with the kids and you have to call it out? Is the resulting reaction to those things something you think you want to live with?

Large red flag. Walk away now.

Even if it is just bad luck with useless or bad bosses, you will never know.

Yanbu

I’d also be worried about his job seeking energy if he lost his job. I would predict that a guy like this will be very resentful of you being on maternity leave and likely to slack even more because he has the broken sleep excuse.

The ‘starting own business/working for myself’ is a huge red flag. Every person (all blokes!) I’ve known who comes out with this it’s because they can’t bear having a boss/taking orders. If they were a Richard Branson - they’d already be doing it! Run OP.

Absolutely this!

@HumanRightsAreHumanRights we have met the same type I see!

@Duplofez I’ve met a few men who sound a bit like your BF. They don’t take well to feedback, constantly have problems with their boss or the job, always think the next one will be better because that boss will ‘get them.’ Highly intelligent and probably always been told how good/clever they are as a teen/through uni so then get annoyed at being told what to do/not being the big fish. No resilience or understanding of how to work in a team. Expect a salary for gracing them with their presence.

If he starts his own business he’ll probably be just as lazy there, not like his clients and you’ll end up with the stress of sharing a mortgage with a guy who can’t stick to a job. Your family might really like him but they’ll like the next guy you bring home- because YOU like him. You sound very sensible. Don’t have kids with him or buy a house or share finances. This should be the easy bit of a relationship- fancy free and exciting, if you are already worrying I’d say it’s game over. You need to be able to depend on a partner when life gets tough, financially as well as other aspects.

OP, I can tell you from experience that this sort of man often ends up in work less and less as they get older.

It's easier to get a job in your twenties, but when you have a ten or twenty year work history of leaving you job after job because you didn't like your boss and every absence you can take, it makes it harder to find an employer to take you on.

The men I've known like that (who are all intelligent and all say their brilliance isn't appreciated at work - it's never their fault) tend to seek out women with decent earning potential then want to start their own business while the woman supports them to basically piss around for years doing not much at all.

Please don't consider having children with this man.
I expect he'll develop a bad back in the future which means he'll only be able to do what he actually wants at any given time.

my ex was like this. I thought he’d finally be happy and motivated when he left his job and set up on his own. He was more ‘unemployed’ than ‘self employed’ and it was very frustrating, especially because I was doing the financial heavy lifting and household management. It led to severe resentment. His whole family had a weird attitude towards work, complaining about their jobs all the time rather than taking action. It was insufferable

I would absolutely run a mile.

A family member has no tolerance for work. If he doesn’t like it immediately, he leaves, if someone asks him to do something he doesn’t like, he leaves. He has had some really good jobs in the past. It’s a real worry for the family.

You will have a life of worry and no security with this man

I couldn't live with someone like this. I'd be concerned that I'd end up supporting them whilst they play at being a "poor me" and idle about. I don't want a workaholic but I want a man who'll pull his weight and has resilience and a sense of fair play and wanting to play his part in life not just rely on others.

@Elbone I agree. Unfortunately I ended up marrying mine and having two children. ALL of his bosses hated him , probably because he was a lazy sod , I was silly to believe his version of events.

You’re clearly completely incompatible OP, surely you know this.

I had one of these, OP.

Throw him back.

Nope I would not be planning a future with anyone work shy particularly if a family is on the cards . What happens when you are on maternity leave and then baby arrives and he can't work because he's exhausted.

No cast your net elsewhere he's not a keeper . Not a good role model for any child

Agree completely

Op end it now , it will only get worse
My twenty year old very ambitious dd has recently dumped her boyfriend because of his lack of ambition and work ethic.
He was a nice young man, but my dd said that she could foresee a life of conflict and wasn’t prepared to go down that route
Out of the mouth of babes..,,

He appears to have a highly inflated sense of his value to an employer, and an inability to take constructive criticism or responsibility for his work.
I certainly wouldn’t waste any more of my time on this relationship.
I knew someone like this years ago, it was exhausting and it became boring hearing the same stuff over and over again.
Luckily he was a friend, not a potential partner.

A friend has just ended her two year relationship as her BF just lacked ambition and his lack of aspirations and work ethics became a turn off.

My cousin ended her 8 year marriage as her husband had a complete lack of ambition and decided after baby number 2 that he was going to be a stay at home dad and she could work. Except his idea of parenting was TV all day why he played on his XBox...

On the basis we spend potentially 50 years of our lives working then a partner lacking ambition or work ethics isn't much of an attractive prospect!