to say that newborns have not read the safer sleep guidelines?

The medical profession is beset with research backed best safe practices, at all stages of life, that the individual either doesn't want or can't physically manage to comply with. Why should baby's be any different. If it hurts, you can't breathe comfortably or your dinner is halfway up your windpipe, how do you respond as an adult. Do you lie down flat on your back or do you sit up and start cussing to yourself about the audacity of your body preventing comfortable sleeping when you're so tired. Babies can only cry and hope you get it.

I'm 50 odd and whenever I end up near a hospital they try to make me lie down to make their access easier. The fact that the shitty rubber mattress cripples my lower back and hips, my legs go painfully numb and I severely cannot breathe is moot to them. I must behave myself and lie down. You ought to see 'em panic on the occasions I've complied and ended up unconscious, according to my husband. Once, my heart nearly stopped from doing as I was told. Unlike adults who are trying to be polite, babies are not daft enough, for want of a better phrase, to follow rules that make them uncomfortable or cause pain.

You can only do your best as we are all indivuals, even babies.

I'm a single parent now, too and DD is four weeks old. She sleeps fine during the day, usually in the pushchair outside in the front garden. Sometimes, she'll sleep in the Sleepyhead on the sofa. We used it for DS when he was a baby and he loved it. She actually sleeps really well during the day.
At night, she will sometimes stay asleep in the Next to me. I have her fall asleep on me and then transfer her into the cot. She prefers sleeping next to me or with my arm around her and her head on my boob, though. Usually, we get about 4 hours before she needs another feed and I've started feeding lying down straight away this time. (So much better than DS, who woke up every 20 minutes...until we started co-sleeping. He's a brilliant sleeper now and could sleep through almost anything.)

Mine spent about 30 minutes total sleeping in his expensive next-to-me, split across 100 different attempts. We tried and tried. What he liked was to sleep on his side with hands attached to my boob and feet / knees on my tummy. With a thin blanket, it just about met safe sleep guidelines. Once he could roll, he took to sleeping on his tummy or occasionally swapping his side and backing into me instead for full body contact. Even napping in the pram he would roll on his side. At about 18 months old, he decided finally to start sleeping on his back.

I think it was reflux, but nothing really helped that we found. His daddy was always tolerated for a full contact chest nap and occasionally for a side sleep nap, but the kid knew what he liked. Still more "huggy" than some of his little mates, but otherwise fine.

I spoke to my HV and they said that they prefer their tummy's let them do it so we did

I think there is a challenge of practicality with the guidelines. But, you should know them and know where you’re willing to make compromises. Sleep is also important and the safe sleep guidance has to be balanced with the risks of doing something stupid with sleep deprivation. Control what you can and minimise the risks where you can’t follow.

So for me, sofa sleeping felt the absolute riskiest for tiny babies and we’d try hard not to fall asleep with one on our chest on the sofa but my husband did it a few times during the day. With my first sleepyheads weren’t advised against like they were with my second and we had quite a dilemma about whether to use one with my second as it saved my sanity with my first.

The other bit that became impractical was always being in the room for sleep. I largely did it with my first and I’m not sure that it was entirely healthy for my own wellbeing but that was far too hard to follow with my second as she needed to be in a dark room by 7 or she’d scream herself into a frenzy for 3 hours. I needed to be sorting out my older one as well. Similarly for naps, she needed darkness and silence which weren’t compatible with having a loud toddler in the same room. She slept overnight in the same room as per the guidance but I couldn’t follow the guidance to the letter.

When mine were babies the guidance WAS to put them o their tummies.
Health care professionals seem to have black-holed this.

Mine wanted to be on their backs fortunnately.

Could you put baby down in the pram on his back (in the bedroom) and rock the pram back and forth?
You can get apps on your phone to play white noise/heartbeat noises which are free to download, worth a go also.
I feel for you!

2 of my dds would only sleep well on their side/front so we just put them like that to sleep. Against the advice but it’s what we did to get a few hours of sleep.

I mean to make it safe if you manage to transition to co-sleeping

Can you afford to buy or rent a Snoo?

It's like an extra pair of arms. And you deserve and need sleep.

I had one like that. I just let him sleep on me otherwise I never would’ve got any rest. My HV reassured me about it as I was breastfeeding and therefore (apparently) in tune with him waking / breathing / searching for boob.

I saw on here the other day someone posted that we expect to be nesting animals but we’re actually carrier mammals – our babies want to be on us rather than put down! Good luck and definitely look up how to chest sleep safely. Wishing you some rest.

The snoo is amazing. The motion makes such a big difference. And is super safe.

Maybe a (gentle) warming pad on a timer with a white noise heart beat thing playing under it?

(The music device should obviously be wireless.
Any cables for the warming device sound obviously need to be kept clear/secured down very tightly).

The warming pad could be wrapped in something from you, as above.

Take it in turms with the father to hold baby and to sleep

If he's in an actual cot - could you get a moses basket instead with the hood over the top, so that it's smaller and he feels more 'snug' so to speak?

Also, have you tried anything to do with your scent? With my eldest I took a top of mine that I didn't mind losing, I wore it for 2-3 days, and then I cut a piece of it, sorted the edges and then sewed it into a sort of tube shape that I could attach around the moses basket mattress. When baby got older I just put it in the cot as a comforter.

Ffs *cot sheet over....not the cot tbay would be pointless. I'm going to leave you in peace now

Sorry for spamming your thread.

Just remembered in the hospital, the midwives showed us how to make a nest using rolled cellular blankets and then putting the cot over that. Baby was able to be snug and cuddled in. We were in the hospital for nearly 4 days and 24 hrs under jaundice lamps.

Not sure how technically safe that is, but going with if it was used in the hospital, should it be fine at home?

But then again, I am an Internet random giving sleep advice for a newborn. May be do some research and see if this could work for you, especially if baby slept well earlier today.

Oops, I didn't realise swaddles were dangerous. Had a baby last year, and we used the swaddle me swaddles, which are stretchy and worked a treat.

Babies like to feel snug and secure. After all, most spent circa 40 wks tucked up in a warm womb.

We used sounds of the womb or mummy's heat beat sounds on the Alexa and the swaddle, and that seemed to work for night sleeps. We also used a next to me cot. I also would 'wear' or wrap the babies cot sheet under my top for a couple of hours to get my smell on them. In the winter, I also pre heated the babies cot by warming the sheet and mattress with a not very hot water bottle for a few minutes while doing our bedtime nursing session.

Day time, however, was another matter. I was nap trapped for months. Spent many days being a mummy mattress and a human dummy for the first 16 wks. Luckily, the eldest was great help and pretty self-sufficient.

Yes, my now 2yo did not get the memo. Currently pregnant with second and hoping that they'll have read the brief by the time they arrive

Can you get a mattress topper for your bed?