Elderly man turned lecherous

Yeah this is the problem, some people don’t realise but even an elderly man is often stronger or of similar strength to a much younger woman. This is why I hate it when they release serious sex offenders in their 70s as if they’re no risk to women anymore. They’re still plenty young to go out and overpower a woman.

To the pp who said he’s not a risk because he’s 90 - that’s absolute nonsense.

If your guard is down a man of any age, whether he’s stronger than you or not, can inappropriately put his hands where you don’t want them or say something very disturbing or display himself etc

Yes, a lot of them either use this to their advantage or think that because a woman is being nice to them it's because they fancy them (rather than realising we see them as a poor old man)

I don’t know why people think elderly men are like little sweet angels…also regarding age, that doesn’t make them suddenly harmless. My dad is 80 and he’s stronger than I am. And I’m not weak, either.

Really?! Even people in their 70s, 80s. and 90s still want to shag? I am 61 now, and post menopausal, (last period was at 53,) and I seriously, absolutely could not be bothered with sex. Went off it about 7 years ago.

DH stopped wanting it some 9 years ago (a couple of years before I did!) because he became impotent. I got fed up of him making excuses to not do it, and pushing me away (didn't realise he had a problem!) Then after about 6 months he told me why. So I went without it. (He refused to go to the GP about it! I was getting used to not having it then so wasn't hugely bothered.) Then a year or so later I went off it as well. So we have been happily celibate for about 7 years. Had a great sex life for about 30 years, then whoosh, it was gone!

I don't know if he still has 'sexual feelings' or not, but I certainly don't. If we split up - or he died, and I met someone else, I would never EVER have sex with them. So any man getting into a relationship with me would have to accept there would be no sex.

That said, I doubt I would be arsed with another man again if DH left or died. Been with him nigh on 40 years. Couldn't even imagine having another man. I am pretty sure I would just remain single for life. Maybe have male companions, for social events/daytrips/weekend away or something, but no sex. If they don't like that, they can find a horny 60-something woman to shag them. Coz I won't be doing it. Nope.

tl;dr @Morethanamum Stop seeing this creep. He sounds utterly vile. As a pp said - it sounds like some dirty, lecherous men never change. It's bad enough when they're in their 30s and 40s, but seems worse somehow when they're 60+!!! 😖

yes dementia can be involved but you can also be a filthy old man.
i was getting on a train up the steps and an elderly man behind me put his hand up my skirt.
I am sure loads of people that missed that detail and thought I was a monster for slapping him in the face
I wonder how many time he got away with it

There are even female sex workers who specialise in the elderly and disabled men.

There, fixed that for you. Nuff said about morals. Are some people really so dim as to think elderly women don't get lonely and/or horn? Course not, but they're expected to deal with it.

Like a previous poster said, rapists and sexual pests don’t all drop dead the minute they are released from prison ( the ones who actually go to prison.) What happens is they grow old. They are still exactly the same though.
I would tell my dh without hesitation. Then the church warden or safeguarding team.

Ergh, he's probably having a wank thinking about your hugs. Stop visiting him for your own safety he's a creep

Honestly, I wanted to tell my husband but I was genuinely scared that he'd have another stroke. I'm glad you told yours.

I feel that is really minimising what the OP might be feeling. Inappropriate behaviour is the same whatever the age.

Sorry to hear this, OP. Like so many others on this thread, I have had a similar experience. During the Covid pandemic, I offered to do the shopping for my elderly (mid-80s) next-door neighbour. We exchanged email addresses so he could send me his lists. His emails gradually became more personal - innuendos, confidences about his relationship with his wife and sex life, starting to call me by a pet name. Stupidly, I dismissed all the red flags because he was an old man. And this was the very excuse he used when he finally went too far and my DH got involved and made it clear that he knew exactly what he was up to.

Dirty young men turn into dirty old men.

Tell your DH. And don't see the old man anymore. He's brought this on himself.

If your connection is through church, you need to alert your parish safeguarding officer and vicar now.

I agree with all of this.

When I was in my very late 50s, an elderly neighbour - a widower - started to chat to me in the street. I thought nothing of it. He used to talk to my (now late) husband when he was out and about.

DH had had a stroke. Once, the neighbour tried to tell me that he was in his early 50s. (In his dreams.) I thought nothing of it, though I later told a friend that maybe his false teeth were only 50, but that would be all...

Another time, much later on - I can't remember how this came about - maybe discussion about my bus pass - he found out that I'd turned 60. Suddenly, he was also in his 60s. My husband was very much alive at this point.

I had been sympathising with the neighbour over the fact that he'd had a pacemaker fitted. He started laughing about the leaflet he'd been given about having sex...Okay, tried to get away...He then indicated that he'd like to have sex with me.

I went temporarily deaf and told him I had to get home to my husband. I never told my husband. Stroke victim or not, I believe he'd have made his anger known.

I was later able to compare notes with a couple of other women in the street who'd been their husband's carers. The old goat had tried it on with them too. It seems that he thinks he's in with a chance with such women for some strange reason.

Since my husband died, there have been no lecherous remarks, although there was once a comment about how it's easier to keep warm when two people live in a house. I avoid him like the plague, though he once extended his condolences. I thanked him and walked on.

loss of social boundaries (unless he's been a letch all his life). is not at all unusual with cognitive decline/brain changes/dementia.
yes contact someone (adult social services or church as suggested).

He’s probably delusional in thinking he’s still ‘got it’. This happens pretty frequently in care homes etc with men hitting on the workers / nurses, then turning angry/violent when turned down. And I’m not talking about dementia sufferers, just your average old man. Well, as they say, ‘There’s no fool like an old fool’.

Revolting perverts turn into elderly revolting perverts.

Have nothing to do with him, the old goat.

I remember this thread and I can’t remember what exactly I said or if i commented at all but I know MANY posters said it was a red flag and I thought so too. It appears you decided to listen to the more naive posters.

I assume you’re not planning to continue visit him as that would obviously be very unwise and unsafe.

Please report him to church safeguarding and do yourself and any other women a favour. There are often very vulnerable women in the church, once you stop visiting they could be next.

ETA: He’s old enough to be your father but I suspect he knows exactly what’s he’s doing. Either way if church are made aware, they can keep an eye out and advise anyone visiting him especially if they are lone females to go with a friend or partner.

It could be Dementia. Loss of social boundaries is a sign of it. Visit or don’t, but he may be unable to help his behaviour.

This could be a sign of dementia- a loss of inhibitions. My mum was a carer to an elderly man who regularly propositioned her - she'd usually look exasperated and say "George, behave yourself" and he'd stop. But make sure someone else is aware of this

And yes, I had a very awkward experience in a foreign city decades ago when I was 20 - with a bloke who was in his 70s, probably as old as my grandad. He told me a story about being very grateful to British army officers in the war who had helped him etc and he liked to pay for a lunch etc for British students. Seemed harmless - in a a very large and busy restaurant. All good while eating the main course. When dessert came, he turned the conversation to sex. I had the presence of mind to say something like ‘thank you for lunch - but I’m leaving right now’, and I walked off. I was a little shaken, until I remembered that I’d had a great meal for free. I’m ashamed to say I then found it quite funny. Later on I realised that he probably did it a lot and someone else would not have been so breezy about it and I should have made a big scene and embarrassed him. Dirty old bastard.

This. This is in my church’s safeguarding policy. Report concerns confidentially to the safeguarding lead. S/he will know how to act, or who to consult at the higher levels of the church. Knowledge will only be shared with whoever absolutely needs to know eg a church house group lead or elder.

Well this is why I roll my eyes when people assume all elderly people are kind. Many thieves, murders, rapists, wife beaters peado’s, etc manage to live to grand old ages. If was a pervert in his 40s, he wouldn’t have grown out of it.

Just because he’s probably wears a cardigan and has a packet of Whethers Originals, doesn’t make him suddenly a nice old man.

He’s old enough to know he’s being out of order. Tell him to put a stop to it today or you won’t be coming back. He may be lonely because everyone else has told him to do one.

The most violated I’ve felt in recent years was at the hands of an elderly man who was walking behind me up the street. At first I couldn’t hear what he was whispering but then it became clear he was saying stuff he wanted to do to me sexually. He had to be in his late 70s. I couldn’t believe it. I was gobsmacked and speechless. My face was red hot with anger. All I could manage was ‘go away!’. I marched home and then cried.

I’m sorry OP. You owe this man nothing. He has exploited your good nature instead of just appreciating it with grace. I wouldn’t be alone with him again.

I don’t know why men can’t just behave themselves. I had a male neighbour who got too touchy. Started as normal neighbourly interactions and progressed into him always trying to give me hugs, or touch my back or arms. As soon as I arrived home he’d be on the phone calling me which was strange as his living rooms were on the back of the house.

He backed right off when I met my DP and things got a lot better then, but I remember feeling so stressed that I couldn’t even escape the neighbour at home!