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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to have fully shared finances after getting married

128 replies

NoMoreLimbo · 12/08/2024 11:29

DP and I are after many years together fully blending our families. Buying a house together and getting married. Both have children from previous relationships.
I do not want to fully blend our finances though. AIBU?

We earn different amounts.

One earning nearly double of the other. I personally think it’s then fair then that the higher earner put in more into the joint financial responsibilities than the lower earner to a ratio that is fair. 2/3 of ‘everything ‘ or whatever it may be.

However, think it’s important that we both maintain some financial freedom.

We have different ‘habits’. He vapes. I don’t. I go for hair and nails a few times a year. He doesn’t. I would feel very claustrophobic if I had to ask ‘permission’ to use money to go for a haircut and he certainly would get annoyed if he had to ask to spend money on vape stuff (which I loathe him doing but that’s by the by here).

I also do not want to have a situation where everything we earn is pooled and we get an allowance. AIBU?

What do others do?

OP posts:
Nix32 · 12/08/2024 11:39

Wages go into our own accounts.

Paper exercise to calculate total household income.

Subtract all bills (move to separate bills account).

Subtract savings (move to separate savings account)

Divide the rest by 2 so we both have the same personal money.

workshy46 · 12/08/2024 11:32

Why are you getting married- especially if you have children? Marriage overrides everything - while is possible to keep things separate while you are married if you divorce the starting point is 50:50 regardless of who brought what to the marriage

CoastalCalm · 12/08/2024 11:32

Similar situation pay 50/50 of the household bills plus food budget into a separate account - rest is ours to keep / spend / invest as we like.