To think this really isn't normal?

No not normal and I think will be a struggle in September. Is the mum working from home and using the tablet to keep the child occupied? Mine get screen time, but do other things as well and like going on days out etc. When DS was 5 he had chickenpox over a half term and spent most of the week on the tablet as it was keeping him distracted from the itching. He is ND and really struggled with the chicken pox but massively struggled in going back to less screen time after just one week.

That’s massively neglectful and will probably lead to behavioural issues for the poor teacher to try to manage when the child is back to school.

We restrict screen time (tv or gaming) to an hour a day in school holidays/weekends and 30 mins tv on a week day (no gaming Monday to Thursday). It’s addictive and most content mindless.

School holidays are long and expensive. It has cost a huge amount to book multi-activity camps for 2dc to cover 8:30-5:30. There are a few cheaper options, but they tend to be 9-3, which doesn’t help at all. That’s where the government could support working parents!!

Take her to the park, be supportive. Not great for them to be so dependent on it.

Ours love the Wii but it has a cut off time each day and they know it doesn't go back on in our house.

Your friend can look at adjusting the settings. Set a timer etc

It is different though - hand held devices are proven to have different effects than just watching the telly. Especially if it's games or short clip type shows, people have invested millions making them as addictive as possible, it's why the people who make them don't let their own kids have them!

We watched a lot of telly as kids but not all day, not out and about (obviously) and not in our bedrooms late at night, especially not at 5 years old.

I do not understand how or why so many parents think it's ok to WFH whilst "taking care" of little kids. It doesn't work. People did it out of necessity and extreme circumstances during COVID but it was never meant to be A Thing or the norm. If you have kids you need to use annual leave, parental leave and some kind of childcare to cover holidays. Most places of work will discipline or worse if they find you WFH with a young child and it's also why many places don't want to do hybrid working etc because of some that just take the piss with it.

I think a lot of mums work these days, and from home, so it’s a way of keeping their children quiet and occupied. I know it’s easy to judge but is it any worse from kids watching a lot of tv during the day? I know we all did when my mum was working. The staying up late isn’t great though.

No it's not normal, it's really bad to be honest but I think you already know that.

Is the mum struggling with the holidays, like having to work whilst having her daughter home or struggling with the cost of things when out and about? And maybe it's just totally spiralled?

Me and a friend were talking about screens and stuff yesterday, our kids area both 4.5 so start school in September but their nursery was school time only so this is our second 6 weeks holiday.

She was saying her son is always on his tablet or playing PS4 games (usually with his dad on the playstation) They've got a 5 month old and are going away this week so trying to get organised for that. I said don't stress too much just maybe use the holiday as like a re-set and go from there if you want him using them less?

My son doesn't have a tablet and we haven't tried him with console games because to be honest we don't think he has the patience for them and it's just another "thing" to have to think about/regulate. But he does watch the telly, mostly iPlayer and some other bits but not YouTube because we're a bit wary of it. He has phases where he's not bothered about watching and others where he'd probably watch all day if we let him. We have found the more he watches, the more he wants it on so we try to be mindful of that and stick to rough times to watch it in between being out and about or in the garden or whatever. It can be hard as ds doesn't like busy places and obviously summer holidays most places are. But we find ways around it. Also, the paddling pool has been a big hit this year.

With the late nights, again it's indisputable that a 5 year old staying up till gone midnight on a tablet is not good. I get being out of routine, knowing they've not got to get up for school etc but there's got to be a limit! My son struggles to wind down and is often up until gone 10pm even though we do no screens after 6pm. The light nights don't help. This summer we've been taking him to the local family friendly pub after tea as they have a playground and a bouncy castle and he happily bounds around there for an hour or more. Sometimes he falls asleep in the car and we can carry him up to bed, other times he'll still be awake, but we just do our normal wind down routine after (supper and books downstairs then bed with an audio book or book) But at least he's had a last hit of fresh air and exercise while the weather is nice and it's a bit of a break for us too!

A five year old? That's so depressing. Poor child. What is that doing to her developing brain?

Five year olds should be playing with toys, using their imaginations, being outside, drawing... just doing things.

Pure neglect. Stupid, lazy parenting. I genuinely couldn't be friends with someone who parented like that.

But there are plenty things to do with a 5 year old! She can play by herself (yes, when bored children get creative), there are plenty of board games (look at the 2nd hand sites online), play doh is great, drawing, books etc. Also, she can help out in kitchen, laundry etc. They like being helpful and getting praise that age. Go out for a walk, playground, invite a friend. What Im saying is there ARE many things to do when you take away the tablet. And being bored is actually recommended by child psychologists. It helps children get creative.

100% agree with this.

No it's not normal, it's lazy parenting. I knew the posters citing SEN would be along, but every SEN parent I've ever met who's child has an iPad/tablet have it as one of their coping strategies/tools but doesn't just give it to them in lieu of doing anything else 24/7. Even if the DD is which is impossible to tell from the post, it's still shitty parenting. Is your friend struggling herself OP?

It’s neglect, she isn’t socialising or having life experiences that her peers are, she isn’t learning about healthy boundaries as mum isn’t giving her any.
This is also harmful to her health, she could develop eye strain and issues within her body as she isn’t moving or getting exercise and she isn’t getting the right amount of sleep which is absolutely vital to development.
Your friend needs parenting advice/support. Is it just her at home? This is a safeguarding issue and does fall under abuse as she is not meeting her child’s needs.

Is she being "looked after" by a parent WFH? I think that sometimes happens to save money on holiday clubs.

I'm pretty relaxed about screen time, our tablet it often just laying around and the kids will pick it up from time to time. They are usually only on it for about 30 minutes or so before they get bored though and move on to something else. They'd definitely never be on it all day! I think something must be going on with the child that they actually want to stay on it that long

Gosh I would be so anxious. At 9 months pregnant I am struggling with having to take out my 5 year old all day, for example, local shop in the morning, swimming in the afternoon, park in the evening. Plus board games and crafts in between and cooking. However, I much prefer it to leaving her on a screen. I get anxious when she is there all day. I empathise with some due to expenses. It really costs when they are off school, might as well be on holiday. However, all day screen time is also a no. Also, as a PP mentioned at least at 5 they can be entertained, as for the teen years lord help us.

At 5yrs old that’s very sad. My kids are a bit older, 20 and 16 so when they were little it wasn’t the norm to have their own tablet. They watched TV and probably played some games on my phone but if they had their own tablet there’s no way they’d be on it 24-7 and until 1-2am? That’s really unhealthy and actually quite sad that the child would rather do that than go to the park etc. The mum really needs to issue some boundaries around this.

Sounds like us! I'm pretty relaxed about screen time during the holidays - its a long gap to fill if you don't have money for activities or a car to get anywhere. My DC hates getting the bus so we've enjoyed a break from it. We've spent most of the time at home and stayed up late although not to 1am and still going on day trips once a week.

that is a bad start
at only 5 as well

I actually think it's more normal than people on here might realise.

That doesn't mean it's good, of course, but I do think lots of parents rely on technology as it's a quick, easy way of keeping kids occupied.

No it's not normal. Why are they letting her have it so much? They should be limiting her screen time. And letting her watch it during meals is awful.

It is child abuse imo. I have a ND teen (ASD) highly addicted to a video game. He basically thinks only about this game and is on medication to treat his anxiety. He's got 4 hours of video games every day (before going to bed he asks 10 times if he's going to play when he wakes up so really addicted). Well, 4 hours is a lot and there is always a struggle to get him off but he eventually hands the phone over because I threaten with no phone tmw. And when the phone is gone he doesnt know what to do because no longer likes to play with toys or board games with me. And while not enthusiastic he comes with us on outings because nothing else to do and he usually enjoys himself.

Just saying that screen addiction is common but it's our job as parents to limit our children. Give me a 5 year old any day, piece of cake. Decide the time she can play and if she doesnt hand the device over just grab it. Massive tantrum, just ignore her and then move on to take her out for an activity. At 5 mine only had cartoons on the telly as screen time. We painted, drew, played with clay, played board games, went to the playground, invited friends. 5 year olds are EASY to occupy. Teens less so. Your friend is definitely lazy and neglectful of her child. What you can do: propose a set time for screen time. I would say max 1 hour in the morning or afternoon. Not in the evening. And then stick to her guns and ignore the tantrums. She is hurting her child and it's her responsability as a parent to help her child by installing rules. As it is she's letting the 5 year old make decisions she shouldn't be making. Does she also let her eat whatever she wants? The mum needs some serious help with being a parent..

What happens if the screens are removed?

Could be poor parenting or self directed soothing behaviours with autism/PDA.

“Sounds like neurodivergence to me. Has the child been assessed?”
“Is DD neurodivergent?”

@GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem @TimeForTeaAndG

Don’t start. If all the details in the OP are true, the DD being ND is irrelevant.

No it's not normal, my kids probably spend a bit longer on screens then I would like but they are not on them 24/7 and can cope without them. It's also quite lazy parenting to let a 5 year old stay up that late and to let them have an iPad all the time because they're scared of the child's reaction, she's the parent she should be setting boundaries for the child not letting the child do whatever she wants, at 5 years old I'm guessing she will be starting school in September, how will the child cope then when she has to go to bed at a decent time, follow the rules like the other children and not have a screen to stare at while in the classroom? Your friend is doing her child and herself no favours.