To think this really isn't normal?

Not taking your child out to a single place during the holidays, allowing them to watch screens all day until 2am etc, is shit, lazy parenting. It's got nothing to do with ND. Yes screens can help children regulate and self sooth but it shouldn't be encouraged.

It’s not what I would do, it’s not a particularly healthy lifestyle.
It is however, increasingly normal in that an increasing percentage of parents do it. And, from my experience through working with families, it isn’t linked to any particular demographic.

I think both the physical inactivity AND the addiction are a big problem. At that age your neural pathways will literally be being formed via constant interaction with a screen won’t they? Agree though they will be losing physical fitness, social skills and creative skills too.

Poor child 😪

The importance of being active is so underestimated. Not only is it linked to physical health but also mental health with links to self esteem and resilience.
It's also linked to our health in old age and risk of dementia.
Similar story to pp, I also know someone who has thrown their life away because their parents indulged him and let him stay in his room constantly gaming, even bringing up his meals to him and taking away the dirty plates from his bedroom.
He's still living at home with no prospects or desire to achieve at 27. He's actually fairly bright too. Really sad.

It's not normal, no, We had a screen addicted child like this in our extended family. It was absolutely down to terrible, negligent parenting.

All started because they never wanted their kids to cry. They had a policy of never saying "no, you can't" and they couldn't bear the idea of their kids being unhappy for even a second. So they'd give then whatever they wanted. I can remember this particular child eating 8 yogurts in a row (to "keep them happy and shut them up") when they were about 2.

By 5 they were glued to screens.

At 7, they had no bed time (neither did their siblings). The adults would go to bed first and the kids would go when they felt like it. They'd be awake most of the night, playing xbox live with adult men in the USA. Tickets would be bought for theme parks, holidays of a lifetime (Disney/Universal/Legoland etc) and they'd refuse to go because they'd rather be playing on the xbox or ipad and one adult would always have to stay home too, so missed out. In the event they did get out to a theme park, they'd sulk and moan and throw a tantrum until they were taken home, even at 14 years old. On the one holiday they were banned from taking their gadgets, they somehow managed to buy a second hand xbox (that would only work in that country) off their birthday/holiday money with only 3 days of the holiday left. "Their money, their choice".

They decided at 7 that the only bed they could possibly sleep in was their parents' kingsize. There was only one room big enough for a kingsize. So their parents were turfed out of their bedroom. One slept on the sofa for years, the other in a twin bed in the child's room. Both parents 6ft tall or thereabouts and wracked with physical pain from their jobs and various ailments. The child then tried this with their disabled grandparents when they were staying. Called them evil and weird (even though they bought the child a king airbed!) and threw a tantrum for saying no, openly mocking them about it for years. Limited contact with grandparents and uncles/aunts/cousins due to concerns about the kids behaviour being ignored or resulting in verbal abuse towards the relatives.

This particular kid had hardly any friends (one, I think). Was allowed to eat absolute crap and get obese (diet was basically chips, chocolate, bread, pancakes and full sugar fizzy drinks all day, everyday). Never played out or went to the park. As an older teenager accidentally set the house on fire, because they were busy playing xbox and forgot their dinner was on the stove while home alone. Continued playing xbox while there was a burglar in the house when they were home alone, let them steal 1000s of pounds of other stuff and basically just ignored the man nicking stuff because they were "too busy to deal with it".

As time went on - Didn't have any romantic/sexual relationships, no friends. Rude demeanour, no social skills. Awful personal hygiene.

They're now an adult. Had a failed attempt at uni as couldn't survive independently. Now still living at home, taking classes, working a very menial badly paid job very part-time. No friends. No romantic relationships. Obese. Bad hygiene. Just a very small, lonely, sad life.

Not ND. Just really, really neglected by parents with no skills.

Their siblings are worse...tik tok addicted self obsessed adults with no jobs or education who have never left home but can't stop popping out babies who are themselves by age 1 already obese due to being weaned on junk food, addicted to screens and largely "parented" by their useless grandparents. So the cycle continues.

It's only now the kids are in their 20s and unable to live independently, making poor choices and making the parents uncomfortable in their own home, that the parents are beginning to think they went wrong somewhere. For years, anyone who tried to show even the gentlest concern was written off as "old fashioned", "boring", "up-tight" and we were told this was just modern parenting and we needed to get with the times.

I consider it to be the worst case of child neglect I have seen first hand in a 20+ career in education. They destroyed those beautiful kids' chances of being fully functional adults and essentially made them outcasts as none of their peers wanted to be friends with them and no employer will put up with them. They are also all very arrogant, rude and self centred, so as a result even close family have went NC.

I sincerely hope the parents of this 5 year old wake up before she loses out on her childhood too. Unlimited screen time and addictive behaviour at 5 is a very bad sign for her future.

You dont really need to ask whether this is U, do you. Are you sharing the shock and feeling helpless about the child? Do you feel you should do something but realise you actually cant?
The mother/parants are quite likely too tires and clueless to do something about it.

This isn’t normal. My son LOVES mad YouTubers, and would watch it all day but we get him out most days, so we had 5 hours at the beach yesterday so of course when we got home he watched a bit, then we all went for a little walk before bed. Balance is key but l day and nothing else.... that sounds awful!

Not normal.

It is not necessarily being addicted to and using the tablet that is the problem here. The complete lack of physical activity is a big problem. Muscles waste and wither when not used... kids need to run around to build strong muscles, need to jump and play to aid building strong bones.

I have two 6 year old nieces who do crafts and read all summer (my sister would never have them on screens, but doesnt see that exercise is needed) - they can't walk for more than 30 minutes at a time without whinging because they just don't move enough - not just for those 6/7 weeks.

Inactivity is a killer.

Why does everything need to be ND, she's a lazy parent. My 5 year old granddaughter has tablet time, when I think she's had enough I take the tablet away from her and we do something else. This is called parenting, a 5 year old doesn't realise the damage it can do, a parent does. This is why parents are having behaviour problems with older children because they've never dared to say no to them.

This is far from normal and terribly sad.

My kids (similar age) beg for tablets all day. We limit it to “after 5pm, and only if the toys hve been put away”. They can entertain themselves nicely u til 5, but on the one day we have allowed more (because I was ill), their behaviour at bedtime was awful and they asked for tablet much more the next day. It is absurd awful after a few hours, let alone after a whole summer of it.

That is child abuse

Unfortunately, this is more common than people like to think. The adults are all addicted to their phones and it's shit all around.

To those that let their DC spend hours on a tablet it's normal.

To those that don't it's not normal.

There is no 'is it or isn't it' where mobil devices and parenting are concerned on MN.

For me it's a no it's not normal.

@Rosie129 I think what you describe almost stacks up as child neglect...... That's so sad, I feel really bad for the poor 5 year old - what a life 😢

It’s not worse. They’re both neglect. Child abuse.

This usually a contributory factor, if not the main contributory factor, in school avoidance, which then becomes very difficult and expensive to address. Your friend is neglecting her child by allowing this to happen. The consequences can have long lasting impact on the child's social and educational development.

Why don't you say that to her? You are being as avoidant as your friend. Be kind & ask if she needs any help with it, what does she need from you..etc. tell her you are concerned for her & her child (in a kind way that she'll hear it, you know her best) & support her to break the pattern.
If she doesn't think there's anything wrong with it, ask if she's sure that she's not worried about her DD being on the tablet etc
If your friend isn't seeing that there's something not right about her DD spending that long on screen sounds like she may be depressed? Avoiding the issue? It's not the DD that needs addressing, it's the mother. If you're her friend get underneath it.
SS won't help though, they don't always even with severe CP issues they're not going to bother about a child spending holidays watching a screen (imo). And if you do that you'll lose your friendship forever.

I'm sure you probably know it's not normal. If she is your friend though iiid start by asking her why her dd isn't going out? Is there something up? I'd also try and arrange something to get her out the house to, even just to the park.
Mine have more screen than some but at that age there were doing many other things besides screens. I wish I could get my 15 year old off his, though that's a much harder battle than it was at 5.

5 or 15?

I work from home but kids always in activities so not around. I don't want to derail the thread but it shouldn't be the norm that women are at home working with kids around. Plenty do it in my circle and I can only assume that the only way they're actually managing with young DC is to attach them to devices.

I'm not militant about screen time, if DD wants to watch something on TV with her dinner and we'd rather not watch the same film for the seven thousandth time, she can watch it on her tablet.

But we also do a lot of outside stuff, drawing, painting, swimming, playdoh, baking, cooking, gardening, reading, playing with her dolls house etc. So a film on her tablet, or endless episodes of Tish Tash (if you haven't seen it's DO NOT introduce it!!) for an hour or so is fine.

I once saw a little girl on a swing being pushed by her dad, maybe about 3, glued to a tablet screen. Her dad was just spaced out pushing her while she watched it. Not sure I saw the point of her being on the swing TBH, she didn't even register she was moving.

I do think this kind of behaviour is being normalised. My DC (7 and 9) have had plenty tablet time this summer but that's after a day at sports camp or the like. So it's a lazy morning or evening activity. And never in bedrooms or at dinner table.
DS went on a day out with a friend recently whose mum collected him. In the car her 3 DC (2, 5 and 9) were all sitting on tablets which surprised me. And of course DC now think I'm unreasonable for not letting them do the same.