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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Spending a whole month with family too much?

39 replies

Ladyinpink11 · 11/08/2024 20:17

Cut a long story short, I live in the UK with my family and I've come to my home country for a full month with my son. My husband will follow next week and so far I've done 2 weeks. Reason for going was to enjoy lots of sunshine, for my son to spend time with the gramps and for my mum to help with childcare on some days whilst I work. (Which she loves doing and she suggested as she doesn't get to see him as much with us living abroad!) Now I'm starting to believe that this is way too long a time. We started arguing about a couple of things and I kind of just want to go home, or go to a hotel. It's like I'm back to being a teenager and my mum is making comments about my work commitments, my friend coming round etc. is this normal? Was I being naive in thinking such an extended period of time with your parents is just too much??

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 11/08/2024 20:50

Yanbu. Two days was too much for me with my Mum, 8 hours or even less with my Dad! (they were divorced), two days about my limit with inlaws.

Of course it's different if your family lives many miles away and you can't do short visits, so I completely sympathise ... but a whole MONTH? no way!

Ginkypig · 11/08/2024 20:45

Fuck that

im going to be staying my in-laws including sibling in laws for 4 nights next year and I’m already itching with stress at the thought of it and I like them and get on well with them all!

a month!

Ladyinpink11 · 11/08/2024 20:43

Thanks all. For context, we get on very well and holiday together sometimes, and I've stayed for a couple of weeks before, but not this amount of time. The house is fairly spacious so that's why I thought that it would be okay, but as a pp said, I underestimated adults living together who haven't for a long time can just be tricky. I think once my husband arrives we'll go away for a few days like someone has suggested, great idea!

OP posts:
DoublePeonies · 11/08/2024 20:43

Yes, it's too long.
I used to do a few days with my parents, then relocate into a holiday let nearby for a week. Then go on holiday for a week (yes, a holiday in a holiday), then come back for another week in a holiday let, then a few days back with Mum and Dad before flying out.

It was mainly because Dad couldn't cope with the noise of the kids, and the rhythm of the days when they were about. But 3/4 days was enough!

So, is there a holiday let or hotel nearby?

Bedtime91 · 11/08/2024 20:42

Depends on your family - I know many people who would be fine with this. I can barely manage a long weekend with mine

YANBU to feel how you feel

Rumplestrumpet · 11/08/2024 20:39

That is a very long time. I get on very well with my family but try to break up a visit with a trip elsewhere - when DH arrives can the three of you go off and discover a bit of the country? Visit a beach or some sights for a few days to a week?

Zanatdy · 11/08/2024 20:39

Oh god I couldn’t do a month with my mum. Most I’ve done is 2wks and that was plenty!

circular1985 · 11/08/2024 20:38

Depends on the family dynamics but I would have spent a month with my parents in the sun with dc. No arguments but always a few niggles which I just brush off. The positives outweigh the negatives.

Wendysfriend · 11/08/2024 20:35

Oh god that's way too long. I love people visiting a couple of nights max and that's it. I can't actually stay in anyone's home, I have to stay in a hotel. Nothing against other people just like a bit of space and there'll always be some disagreements due to different personalities.

Can you book a hotel when your DH arrives? Kids wear everyone out, especially other people's.

gottoget · 11/08/2024 20:33

I have a 3 day limit for vistors and visiting but some overseas family like to think they are exempt (they are not!).

MissingKitty · 11/08/2024 20:33

Is this the first time you’ve stayed with her for this long?

workinginheat · 11/08/2024 20:31

I think it’s normal when adults who aren’t used to staying with one another have to share the same space for such a time

VenusClapTrap · 11/08/2024 20:30

A week is too much for me but everyone is different.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 11/08/2024 20:18

A month?!!!

YANBU. Move to a hotel and say it will be easier for when DH arrives.