Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner telling me to eat healthily- fuming

511 replies

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 16:29

I went for a run today. It's 23 degrees where I am, it's hot and it's not the best weather for running. I managed 3.2 miles but then had to stop as I'd ran out of water and what little water I had left in my bottle was warm given the heat.

I texted my partner when I'd finished (he was at a soft play with our toddler) to say I'd struggled but managed 3 miles, and that I felt a little dizzy and was craving water and salt (presumably because I'd sweated so much I'd lost a lot of salt). I said I might drive past McDonalds on the way home to grab some chips (just chips, nothing else) as I needed to replace the salt. He replied, "you need to eat healthily".

So... I saw red. This is a man who is overweight and who I watched sit on the sofa at lunch time and eat a Greggs cream cake. I didn't do this - I had a half a sandwich and a banana then went for a run. This is, by the way, my 3rd run of this week and I also plan to go to the gym tomorrow morning to do a weights class.

For context, I am a size 10 (BMI is 22.5 ish). So I am not even overweight but I want to tone up a bit and to get back my pre baby level of fitness, hence making this effort

Am I right to feel really annoyed by what feels like judgement for what I've chosen to eat post run, when I'm making an effort here and he is not? If he was the picture of health and fitness then maybe I'd accept that comment a bit more but ... seriously?! You eat a cake for lunch then tell me, post 3 mile run, to "eat healthily" 😵‍💫

Or am I overreacting or am I right to feel annoyed at this judgement? 🤔

OP posts:
Catza · 11/08/2024 17:09

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 17:04

@Catza
I'm finding it so offensive because I've ran 3 times this week which he knows, for me, has take a lot. I don't usually do that. I'm making a real effort and he knows that. I also texted to say I'd struggled on the run and found it hard. There was no empathy for that - just a criticism of what I planned to eat. It would have been nicer to have a bit more of a supportive reply I suppose? Like, well done, at least you got out and tried, or whatever. Instead it felt like criticism on top of me already making what feels like a huge effort this week.

So why not focus on what the real issue is - lack of support and acknowledgement of your struggles by your partner. And then have a clam conversation with him about how you would like to be supported. There is no need to focus on a trivial issue of a food comment because you are not really upset about that, are you? It’s just a proxy reason for your frustration. And if you focus on it, the real issue will be unresolved and your partner will think you are being a bit precious making a big deal out of an innocent comment.

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 17:09

@GreyCarpet I'd have felt fine with that.

OP posts:
LaraThot · 11/08/2024 17:09

Ponkpinkpink15 · 11/08/2024 17:06

@RumbleHoney

was there a typo in your OP? Did you run 30 miles?

#savage

GreyCarpet · 11/08/2024 17:08

Iif you'd rung him and told him you were feeling dizzy and probably needed salt, how would you have reacted if he'd suggested you nipped into Maccy's for some fries?

What a great idea! Or would you have been posting on here instead that he was unsupportive and tying to sabotage your efforts to be healthy?

Ponkpinkpink15 · 11/08/2024 17:06

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 17:01

@RumbleHoney
I sat on the grass by my car for a bit before I drove. I also don't think I was adequately fuelled tbh, that usually causes dizziness. Along with the heat of course.

@RumbleHoney

was there a typo in your OP? Did you run 30 miles?

Moveoverdarlin · 11/08/2024 17:06

Give him a break. Going for a 3 mile run in this heat and then stopping for chips in McDonalds does seem counterintuitive. Most people would comment. Running is synonymous with a healthy lifestyle. McDonald’s is synonymous with an unhealthy lifestyle, it’s a great example of juxtaposition I suppose.

Like someone saying I’m going to my AA meeting tonight, then meeting Jenny in the pub for a glass of wine. That’s why he commented, he’s not saying you’re fat, or being controlling. It’s just a weird thing to do. Absolutely fine to do, you go for it, few chips won’t do you any harm, but yeah I can see why he said that.

piccolorhinoceros · 11/08/2024 17:06

@Dulra You would have been better off going for no run then going for a run and needing chips after.

I don't agree, exercising improves your cardiovascular fitness and lung capacity (and mental health), it's not just for weight loss. If you're going to eat something unhealthy as a treat better to have some mcds chips after a run than a cream cake on the couch!

All the 'umm 3 miles is not a long run' is uncalled for too. If someone is trying to improve their fitness, anything is a start. I'm 5 weeks into couch to 5k and haven't run 3 miles yet. And I'm relatively slim and fit.

Also cheap table salt is still electrolytes... It'll still do the trick for replacing some, in fact table salt is used to make St Mark's Solution for patients requiring oral rehydration.

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 17:05

mynameiscalypso · 11/08/2024 17:02

I wouldn't take water for a 3 mile run, no. I'd hydrate before hand and then have a glass of water when I got back. All running is great, obviously, but 3 miles isn't a huge distance.

Well it's all relative isn't it. If you're a marathon runner, 3 miles is nothing. If you're only just building your fitness back up after a pregnancy all but destroyed it, and you're really struggling, and you weren't the strongest, fastest runner to begin with, then 3 miles x 3 in one week feels like a lot. Especially in 20 plus degrees.

OP posts:
Prawncow · 11/08/2024 17:05

mynameiscalypso · 11/08/2024 17:02

I wouldn't take water for a 3 mile run, no. I'd hydrate before hand and then have a glass of water when I got back. All running is great, obviously, but 3 miles isn't a huge distance.

Not everyone is you.

DaisyFloop · 11/08/2024 17:04

mynameiscalypso · 11/08/2024 17:02

I wouldn't take water for a 3 mile run, no. I'd hydrate before hand and then have a glass of water when I got back. All running is great, obviously, but 3 miles isn't a huge distance.

It is for some people, is there any need to be so patronising?

SaintHonoria · 11/08/2024 17:04

You're over reacting. What he said is true, get something healthy instead of McDonald's chips.

Aroastdinnerisnotahumanright · 11/08/2024 17:04

It sounds like you resent him in general, not just for this comment.

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 17:04

@Catza
I'm finding it so offensive because I've ran 3 times this week which he knows, for me, has take a lot. I don't usually do that. I'm making a real effort and he knows that. I also texted to say I'd struggled on the run and found it hard. There was no empathy for that - just a criticism of what I planned to eat. It would have been nicer to have a bit more of a supportive reply I suppose? Like, well done, at least you got out and tried, or whatever. Instead it felt like criticism on top of me already making what feels like a huge effort this week.

OP posts:
SocksAndTheCity · 11/08/2024 17:03

ElizabethCage · 11/08/2024 16:58

You don't take water?! In 23⁰ heat if I walk one mile I'd be dying, just because you're a camel doesn't mean others don't need salt and water.

I wouldn't take water on anything up to and including 10K, but nor would I be running outdoors when it's 23 degrees.

I'm currently taking water with me every time I go anywhere because it's bloody mafting even staggering a few hundred yards to the tube Grin

mynameiscalypso · 11/08/2024 17:02

I wouldn't take water for a 3 mile run, no. I'd hydrate before hand and then have a glass of water when I got back. All running is great, obviously, but 3 miles isn't a huge distance.

Turnitoffnonagain · 11/08/2024 17:02

Not the point, but I would run in the morning when it's cooler myself, even a short 3 mile run. No need for chips.

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 17:01

@RumbleHoney
I sat on the grass by my car for a bit before I drove. I also don't think I was adequately fuelled tbh, that usually causes dizziness. Along with the heat of course.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 11/08/2024 17:00

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 16:58

How patronising 😂

She’s right though.

He gave you a suggestion, not an explanation

Catza · 11/08/2024 17:00

The question is not why he said it but why you are finding it so offensive. Is it because you are harbouring some guilt over your choices and, therefore he is right? Because if you were so sure that your choice is right, then, I imagine, the comment wouldn’t have bothered you. Unless there is whole history of him making comments about what you eat which you say there isn’t.
As others have said, people would find it odd to hear someone went on a run and followed it up with McD. I tell my partner all the time that he needs to look at his diet if he is seriously thinking about improving his health. Whereas he thinks that going to the gym twice a day gives him a cart blanche.

RumbleHoney · 11/08/2024 17:00

I felt a little dizzy and was craving water and salt (presumably because I'd sweated so much I'd lost a lot of salt). I said I might drive past McDonalds on the way home to grab some chips

If you were feeling dizzy was it safe for you to drive?

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 16:59

Sorry I definitely needed water running in 23 degrees - I think it's madness to suggest otherwise. Do people genuinely not sweat running in that heat for 3 miles? 😳

OP posts:
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 16:59

@AgathaSultana I was tempted!! 🤣

OP posts:
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 16:58

bunnypenny · 11/08/2024 16:56

Mansplaining doesn’t mean what you think it does.

How patronising 😂

OP posts:
ElizabethCage · 11/08/2024 16:58

LoveSandbanks · 11/08/2024 16:55

I promise you, you do not need to replace the salt from a 3 mile run in 23 degree heat. I don't even take water on a run of that length.

Having said that, running, keeps you fit and is completely irrelevant to diet. 3 miles probably uses around 250 - 300 calories which is negligible.

You don't take water?! In 23⁰ heat if I walk one mile I'd be dying, just because you're a camel doesn't mean others don't need salt and water.

SocksAndTheCity · 11/08/2024 16:57

YABU. If you're getting fries on the way back from a run (which I have also done, but I got a burger too) you should go to Burger King as theirs are a lot better than McDonald's 😊