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Original poster

Partner telling me to eat healthily- fuming

511 replies

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 16:29

I went for a run today. It's 23 degrees where I am, it's hot and it's not the best weather for running. I managed 3.2 miles but then had to stop as I'd ran out of water and what little water I had left in my bottle was warm given the heat.

I texted my partner when I'd finished (he was at a soft play with our toddler) to say I'd struggled but managed 3 miles, and that I felt a little dizzy and was craving water and salt (presumably because I'd sweated so much I'd lost a lot of salt). I said I might drive past McDonalds on the way home to grab some chips (just chips, nothing else) as I needed to replace the salt. He replied, "you need to eat healthily".

So... I saw red. This is a man who is overweight and who I watched sit on the sofa at lunch time and eat a Greggs cream cake. I didn't do this - I had a half a sandwich and a banana then went for a run. This is, by the way, my 3rd run of this week and I also plan to go to the gym tomorrow morning to do a weights class.

For context, I am a size 10 (BMI is 22.5 ish). So I am not even overweight but I want to tone up a bit and to get back my pre baby level of fitness, hence making this effort

Am I right to feel really annoyed by what feels like judgement for what I've chosen to eat post run, when I'm making an effort here and he is not? If he was the picture of health and fitness then maybe I'd accept that comment a bit more but ... seriously?! You eat a cake for lunch then tell me, post 3 mile run, to "eat healthily" 😵‍💫

Or am I overreacting or am I right to feel annoyed at this judgement? 🤔

OP posts:
ItsAlrightDarling · 11/08/2024 19:22

Men, however, can go and play golf all day because they ‘work hard all week’ and deserve it 👍

ItsAlrightDarling · 11/08/2024 19:20

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 19:16

Love the comments about DP being "stuck as soft play hell" 😂 may I remind you all that 1) he CHOSE that, not me, and 2) I was stuck at soft play hell for hours yesterday and at the park for hours this morning, too. Did I not earn an hour or so break?

Women don’t deserve breaks. You should know that!

LoneHydrangea · 11/08/2024 19:20

I’d probably make a comment too. You don’t need to fuel after a 3 mile run, but if you did, chips aren’t a great choice.

FWIW, if my husband was fat and eating a cream cake, I’d definitely comment on that too.

Original poster
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 19:19

@northernsunshine
I don't make any comments to his face and I think that's an odd assumption. What I post anonymously online and what I say to my partner are not necessarily one and the same. Sometimes in fact posting online is an outlet for what I don't feel able to say in real life, as is the case for many people.

I would not have mentioned his cream cake lunch online, nor his weight, if it weren't for the fact I felt criticised by him in terms of my own food choices. I sat while he ate the cream cake at lunch and I said nothing. Hell, I'm partial to a cream cake myself! But his comment riled me and that's why I'm making reference to that.

OP posts:
northernsunshine · 11/08/2024 19:17

OP you also seem unhealthily obsessed on his size and your own size. There is more to life than dress sizes.

Original poster
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 19:16

Love the comments about DP being "stuck as soft play hell" 😂 may I remind you all that 1) he CHOSE that, not me, and 2) I was stuck at soft play hell for hours yesterday and at the park for hours this morning, too. Did I not earn an hour or so break?

OP posts:
northernsunshine · 11/08/2024 19:16

@dreamer24 ok having read the rest of your comments I can see maybe why he’s said this .. sounds like you are on a health kick (good for you btw!) and perhaps you’re projecting/ trying to enforce what he should be doing and he’s feeling a bit sick of it. You speak quite disparagingly about the fact he is overweight in what is quite an unkind way to a bunch of people on the internet. If my partner spoke about my weight like that I would be very upset, so I can only imagine what passive aggressive comments you must make to his face.

FOJN · 11/08/2024 19:16

mrlistersgelfbride · 11/08/2024 18:51

Well done on your run.

I'm a regular runner and you don't burn as much off as you think.
3.2 miles is about 320 calories and a McDonald's portion of fries is more than that. You don't need to replace salt on a hot day after do doing 3 miles.
I think he's a bit cheeky but may have a point it you are trying to loose weight.

OP is not trying to lose weight, she's trying to improve her fitness. She says so quite clearly in the OP.

Original poster
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 19:13

@seethingmess
In all honesty, part of me questions if he's embarrassed by me. I say this because pre pregnancy with our daughter I was a gym toned size 8. I've never been any bigger than that, and I reached 35 and was still that size. Then I got pregnant and birthed an 8lb baby and I've never fully recovered. I was horribly sick in my pregnancy and had to eat whatever would stay down and that wasn't always the healthiest stuff. I put on a stone and a half in total (I know, not the end of the world, but enough to tip me into a size 10-12 and the "biggest" I'd ever been in my life). I lost a stone of that last year so I'm now only half a stone heavier than pre baby and as I say I'm a size 10. But I'm not toned in the way I used to be - there are squishy bits where there was toned muscle before and I don't feel physically "like me", I haven't really since she was born as my body looks so different. Long way of saying - maybe he is ashamed of the new me? And maybe that's why I take any slight comment about my food choices in that way.

OP posts:
northernsunshine · 11/08/2024 19:13

@dreamer24 maybe - just maybe - he’s having a bit of a laugh with you. Are you a bit of an exercise bore/ runner-bragger type?

Or maybe he was a bit annoyed to be stuck at softplay while you were exercising only for you to say you were then going for chips …

all roads lead to you asking him what he meant by that comment, a thousand strangers on Mumsnet can’t help

piccolorhinoceros · 11/08/2024 19:13

ComealongMartha · 11/08/2024 19:11

A bit like nicotine or heroin?

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No, that's addiction, not a craving ffs. The orthorexia is strong on MN, Jesus Christ

ComealongMartha · 11/08/2024 19:11

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 18:56

The theory about cravings is that it's indicating what your body is deficient in (based on my very limited knowledge ). So it depends what your salt levels are as a baseline, I'd imagine? If mine are generally lower, I'd be more likely to crave it after losing it. But as I say, limited knowledge of the science behind it so happy to be corrected.

Show quote history

A bit like nicotine or heroin?

ItsAlrightDarling · 11/08/2024 19:09

struggless · 11/08/2024 19:06

To be honest, you’re being a bit dramatic.

Categorically it is odd to go for a run and finish off at McDonald’s which has a reputation for serving fast food.

I’m not saying that a single visit to McDonald’s would set you back, just that it’s an unusual choice as it offsets your gains from exercise. Anyone would find that a notable choice.

I don’t really see why his food choices are relevant especially as it’s you on the health kick.

How do chips offset the gains from exercise? My gain from exercise is that I enjoy it.

seethingmess · 11/08/2024 19:08

Who on earth is he to tell you what you 'need' to eat? He sounds like a pompous twit. If you'd never exercised in your life and were overweight, it wouldn't be his place to tell you what you needed to do. Is he trying to control your weight in case you embarrass him by not being a size 10 or something?

Original poster
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 19:08

@struggless
He complains regularly about his weight gain, and does nothing to help himself. Yet sees fit to comment on my post exercise food choices. Feels a bit off.

OP posts:
struggless · 11/08/2024 19:06

To be honest, you’re being a bit dramatic.

Categorically it is odd to go for a run and finish off at McDonald’s which has a reputation for serving fast food.

I’m not saying that a single visit to McDonald’s would set you back, just that it’s an unusual choice as it offsets your gains from exercise. Anyone would find that a notable choice.

I don’t really see why his food choices are relevant especially as it’s you on the health kick.

ItsAlrightDarling · 11/08/2024 19:06

Milybar · 11/08/2024 19:04

You text each other with mundane stuff like this ?

If It annoyed you then it annoyed you and you need to tell him that.

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All relationships are different, who knew?

mrlistersgelfbride · 11/08/2024 19:04

OP, I don't mean to sound like a dick but just wanted to offer some advice (14 years running here).
When you plan to run have a full meal the night before with carbs if you fancy, and on the day a light breakfast of maybe some fruit/cereal and coffee/ tea, an hour or two before. Then some water/Lucozade sport, a few minutes before you go.
Then you won't need to take water with you for a short run in this heat.
If you feel like you crave salt after it's the electrolytes. Water/juice and some protein within 30 minutes of finishing will help sustain you.

Milybar · 11/08/2024 19:04

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 16:36

@Crunchymum
No I'm not a weight bore. I don't talk about it constantly. As I said, I'm not even technically overweight. It's mostly to increase my fitness.

And no he's not controlling about what I eat, it was just in general conversation, telling him I was craving salt so I might pass McDonald's and grab some chips. This is normal conversation for us. But his reply was just like wtf!? It's almost as though he felt the need to mansplain healthy eating to me. Which is embarrassing for a man who ate a cream cake for his lunch isn't it.

You text each other with mundane stuff like this ?

If It annoyed you then it annoyed you and you need to tell him that.

Skybluepinky · 11/08/2024 19:03

No point in going for a run if u r grabbing mcds on the way back, yr annoyed he has pointed it out, and bcos he has an I healthy bmi u don’t like the comment.

piccolorhinoceros · 11/08/2024 19:01

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 18:56

The theory about cravings is that it's indicating what your body is deficient in (based on my very limited knowledge ). So it depends what your salt levels are as a baseline, I'd imagine? If mine are generally lower, I'd be more likely to crave it after losing it. But as I say, limited knowledge of the science behind it so happy to be corrected.

Show quote history

It could be this, but it could also just be that you were hungry after running and were craving something quick that was high in fat and calories (which to clarify - there is nothing wrong with, as a one off!).

@PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket It honestly depends, everyone is different and even a different day can make a difference. I've had sessions in the gym where I didn't eat first and usually I'd be fine, but there might be the odd session where I felt sick and dizzy. You can't speak for everyone.

Original poster
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 18:58

Didimum · 11/08/2024 18:53

My partner (who never ever exercised and ate pizzas like they were on a conveyer belt) did this once when I’d finished a half marathon and gobbled up a baguette and chips afterwards. I told him to categorically piss off and it’s never happened again.

Christ if there's any time you deserve a bag of chips it's after a marathon!

OP posts:
Original poster
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 18:57

@PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket

No, YOU don't need to fuel a 3 mile run. I do. My body and physiology is funnily enough different to yours. If I attempted to run on just a cup of tea I'd feel very unwell and have no energy.

OP posts:
Original poster
dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 18:56

Diyextension · 11/08/2024 18:53

Ive done plenty of exercise in my life ,but never have a craved salt afterwards??? Is this really a thing

The theory about cravings is that it's indicating what your body is deficient in (based on my very limited knowledge ). So it depends what your salt levels are as a baseline, I'd imagine? If mine are generally lower, I'd be more likely to crave it after losing it. But as I say, limited knowledge of the science behind it so happy to be corrected.

OP posts:
PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 11/08/2024 18:55

dreamer24 · 11/08/2024 18:43

I think the salt craving was probably a combination of not having adequately fuelled pre-run - half a sandwich and a banana a few hours prior was probably not sufficient - and the fact it was much hotter than I'm used to running in. I assume that my body was sort of asking for what it needed as I'd not put the right stuff in prior? But I'm not a scientist so happy to be corrected.

You don't need to fuel for a 3 mile run! You just get up, put trainers on and go. Sometimes I might have a cup of tea first, but there are no special energy requirements. Most of the time, I do it having not eaten since the night before.

Have the bag of chips, enjoy the bag of chips, but this is nothing to do with running preparation or recovery, that is just an excuse. 🤷‍♀️

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