To think I will always have financial stress now others have pointed this out?

In terms of Uni what support are you wanting to give your DC? She can have a student loan for fees, yes there will be a shortfall in terms of accommodation from her loan (my DSS just graduated) and he had a shortfall of about 2k for accommodation for the year. He then worked the summer leading up to uni and every summer inbetween to have spends for uni. We then paid his phone bill , gym and gave him £100 a month, as did his Mum.

You don’t need to be saving 10s of thousands of £ for this…..

You don’t need to downsize now, no need to “uproot” your dd, but you can if she goes to uni and you should for your own retirement, especially if she’s moved away by then. Have you done the studen5 finance calculations properly? Many families have nothing saved for uni or multiple children, I think you’re in a better position than you think for uni - between your savings, means testing, loans and your dd pt working.

Your position sounds absolutely fine. Kindly, it sounds like you need CBT or similar to help manage your financial anxiety. Skipping meals to build up savings for an event 12+ years away is irrational. You have lots of equity, you have a decent salary and one child to support. You need to be able to eat! Hope you manage to get to the root cause of your feelings. You’re doing a great job as it is supporting your child and providing a stable home environment for her 💐

Hi OP
As a single parent myself I can only dream of being in your situation . I think you need some therapy . Whilst everyone wants more , tomorrow is never promised and you must eat .

Eat, take a holiday each year and pay for your DD to have nice experiences now. You're in a great financial position and you don't need to save as much as you are doing. Labour will probably means test everything anyway.

Overpay the mortgage first as you'll be paying more in interest here than you'd gain on her savings. Once that's done, save for her by all means but only after you've put good food on the table and had a decent holiday each year (decent might be a week in a caravan somewhere, doesn't have to be the Maldives).

As others have said, take on a lodger and use this money explicitly for savings if you want to but under no circumstances should savings take priority over food.

Downsize to a decent area with really good secondary schools should be your longterm plan short term overpay your mortgage while they are at primary and maximise your income or income making potential

Surely your mortgage include a plan to pay of the remainder on the house?
You split the £200 you are putting by between pension and daily living. Then you will be fine

It's totally understandable to feel nervous and anxious. But saving £200 a month for an imaginary future when you can't afford to eat THIS month is patently bonkers.

Save £150 and afford your food for the last few days.

Do look at downsizing, but I would also consider posting on the "mortgage free wannabe" section of money saving expert with what they call a "statement of affairs" (there's a template). People will be able to review it and help you see if there's anywhere you can cut down to make life more manageable.

If your mortgage is 190k, what is that costing you a month? £1300?

Do you have student loans? If you don't I think your income should be over £3000 a month, which sounds like it should be reasonably comfortable even if your mortgage is quite painful? So might be worth looking at where the money is going.

This poster says what I wanted to say! Honestly op get a hold of yourself and realise how fortunate you really are. Switch on the news.

On what planet is saving £200 a month for the next 12 years, with compound interest, “not going to touch the sides” of university living costs? Ignoring interest, that’s £28,800. That could cover 3 years rent completely. You have £360k equity and your mortgage is less than £200k and you’re not even 40. Honestly, get a grip.

At 6 yrs old there’s hardly any roots, you’re in a much better position than over half of this country, stop being dramatic.When kids go to uni they get student loans and part time jobs and they manage. You have savings but you go without eating? come on now

OP please never ever go without food. There’s honestly no need.

Please be kind to yourself. Have some decent food. There’s no reason to go without. You deserve food.

Sounds like a pretty good situation to be in tbh.

Nice cushion of equity within your property - not many thirty-something single parents will have £300k+ in equity on a property.

IMO the most challenging part of this is that you are solely responsible. That you can’t get around!

Im sure this exact post has been posted twice in the last month or so.

Only the mumsnet demographic expects to pay towards uni. All the other kids save in a gap year, use the student loan and take part time and holiday jobs. Can’t afford accommodation fees, they have to choose a uni close to home.
For most families this isn’t a choice it’s reality, your perspective on financial expectations is very skewed OP

With respect you are in a position many people would envy , read back what you have written, you have no reason at all to go without meals with savings of 20k, a sum most people only dream of.
At 6 years old now is the time to downsize if your'e going to do it without causing your child upset , it's when they become settled in school and friendships that they need more stability from my experience.
I think you need to put things into perspective , you have it good compared to so many.

This.

Sorry op. I know it’s hard - I was a single parent for many years myself in a very similar situation but your thinking is wrong. You’re actually very privileged compared to a lot of people.

Op ignore all the 'monthly python posters' as I call them- 'you're lucky! I slept in a cardboard box at the bottom of a pit' - you need to watch Monty python if you don't get the reference but if it feels like it's a problem to you then it's a problem to you. This is a discussion forum. The op is allowed to discuss things that are worrying her. Just cos other people are in a different financial situation doesn't change that. Scroll on past!

Why are you saving for a six-year old's hypothetical uni fees and not eating? Some of us are skipping meals because there is no money. You have money. Lots of it. It's your perspective that's lacking.

I'd like your version of 'struggling'.

20k in savings, 360k equity, you can save £200 a month. You're not struggling FFS! There are people out there truly struggling but you aren't one of them.

How do these men get away with paying nothing?

Yes , reading your replies, I genuinely think you should get some counseling about this. I appreciate it is very stressful to have full responsibility for everything but you seem to be ruining your life worrying when you don't need to.
If you look at the news any day if the week, we all see things that scare us out of our minds but we can rationalize that these things are unlikely to happen to us, even though they may. With respect, you don't seem to have the ability to do this and you must find it or your daughter will end up the same.

Honestly, try not to worry, I too am a single mum,
18 years older than you. I always thought of the cash for the mortgage as “rent”, knowing that I could downsize when they were older. My DS has done an apprenticeship, my DD went to uni, but she chose a relatively cheap location and got herself a job so I only have to top up about £100 a month.

An offset mortgage has been a lifesaver for me- the interest rate is slightly higher but it gives you flexibility to borrow when you need to and pay in lump sums if you are ever lucky enough to have them. This house is my only security and that’s ok. Like others say- there are many who are not so lucky. Try not to worry, just think about this year and next year and not the next twenty!

There's always someone worse off - I don't think that makes many people feel better.

OP, you really aren't well if this is how you're thinking.

There are tens of thousands of single parents, some with more than one child, who are far, far worse off than you. They may be privately renting and so very insecure in that regard. They might be skipping meals because they don't have a penny left, while you have £20k in the bank and are still putting £200 away a month. You earn £53k and have a pension. You have a secure roof over you and your daughter's head.

You must surely recognise that you are very much better off than most single mothers? If you can't see that and are as anxious as this, I really do think that you need to look for some help with your anxiety and emotions.

You're more than a normal amount of anxious about something that could potentially happen in 12 years. I’m also a single mum with no support from my ex, I don’t worry about uni, I may worry about how we’re going to eat at the end of the month without 20k in savings, but I always make
it work.