To think I will always have financial stress now others have pointed this out?

I do understand the overwhelmed feeling and the idea you want to give your child the best life possible and I hope this helps.

My 16 year old has a job and it pays £490 a month. It's not too onerous around his A levels and there is so reason why he couldn't carry on doing this if he went to uni. He has earned more in the holidays. I really think he has learned so much at work which will help him get a job later too. I think he'd be really embarrassed if he thought I went without food so he didn't have to do a perfectly normal thing like take out a loan, work and save.

If he went to uni, the food I am paying for now, would just be eaten at a different location..

So please don't skip meals unecessarily. You could still save £100 and eat well.

Ps don’t forget if and when DD goes to university your outgoings may be less (smaller mortgage?) and if you want you can support her with some of that

I agree that it is better to prioritize mortgage now over savings / future uni fees. Reason being that the more you overpay the mortgage the less interest you pay and your monthly payments reduce faster. Both of those leave you with more money each month in future for saving, before you even take into account the asset appreciation.

Your mortgage interest rate is likely higher than the rate on a savings account, so the amount you "save" is reduced by the extra interest paid on the mortgage.

I don’t think anyone’s saying downsize now. Just that it’s an option for the future. If you overpay your mortgage now so you have less to pay in future you may be able to help DD more from future income if necessary. Overpaying mortgage now means you pay less overall. You definitely shouldn’t be missing meals . That’s wrong. Your financial position seems tight but very doable and on the face of it seems you’re worrying disproportionately

Ffs. Heard it all now. All the equity, pension, savings, 1 child not even 40 and stressed about money. I would say you are in a privileged minority and could do with some healthy perspective

Not quite true - A parent earning £54k would be expected to contribute almost £4.5k annually for a child going to Uni this year and not living at home - it's a shocking amount - a lot of parents cannot afford this.

Myself and my husband are both in our late 30s, earn about £57k combined, have less left on our mortgage than you but also less equity, we have less in savings (about £2k), 2 DC (7&4) and we don't miss meals. Each DC has £2k in savings from their grandparents, we currently don't put any extra aside as cannot afford to. I worry about our situation but also feel it's important to live our lives and take enjoyment when we can instead of worrying about possible uni fees or if any inheritance will come our way 🤷‍♀️

My parents didn't pay for uni, I took the loans as I wanted to go and it made sense for me. They did set aside a small amount to increase our house deposit (for both their children) but the majority of that we saved ourselves. They prioritised their savings and retirement plan because they wanted to be able to offer physical and practical support, rather than just chucking money at us.

We are doing similar, and saving for DD but only what we can afford. We're also focusing on raising her to be independent and make good decisions for herself.

On top of all that we're working on our careers to a) increase income and our ability to save, and b) increase our flexibility to enable us to actually be around for DD in a more physical and emotional sense.

Focus on making her feel secure and confident, rather than what you might be able to do for her financially way down the line. Secure and confident children grow into adults more likely to be able to stand on their own two feet and make good decisions for themselves.

She'd rather have you than the money.

@pompey38 it's all done from parents NI numbers now. If you don't put that info in you can only borrow the minimum amount. Or you have to prove that you are estranged from your parents. There is no way to borrow the maximum loan if you are not entitled to.

Tbh £190k to owe on your mortgage really isn’t that much at your age. And £350k equity is a lot better than most people. I don’t really have much sympathy for your situation as you seem quite out of touch.

Also, @Baept15 when you say ‘saving’ for uni - is it invested in a S&S ISA? If this is cash savings over such a long time it’d almost certainly be better paying your mortgage

I don’t know what the deal is with your child’s Dad but the issue really is it’s all down to you and therein lies the stress of being a single parent. I’m older than you and amongst my peer group there were two women who were single parents who were abandoned when PG so did it all themselves. One of them had her ex move overseas for 18 years and then move back so he paid zero CM.

That’s very probably the root of why deep down you are very stressed. Their lives for sure were far harder than people who had two incomes.

Donwsizing isn’t a bad idea but the market is terrible currently. I have two friends trying to sell, sounds like you are getting in to higher market price wise for your area. You need to chill out about your child and University. My DS has ended up doing a degree apprenticeship which has cost zero in tuition fees and he has a guaranteed job. HE is in an absolute state currently, it is my old sector as have retired and I still have loads of friends who work in various Universities. Who knows what shape it will be in 12 years. Halve what you put aside for your child.

I'm almost 40 with 2 kids and I have 4.5k in savings and I am not yet a property owner, so I'd say you're doing ok 😂

In your position, I would try and find a cheaper property, but even if I couldn't, I would put the 20,000 in a high interest savings account and just monitor it. Use the money you save monthly to feed yourself and for living expenses. If you have a little left at the end of the year, shove that away too. It will soon grow, allow yourself some breathing space.

This clearly has to be a joke. Imagine being a single parent living in a 550,000 house and on more than 50grand and saying you have money issues.
Move to a different area, buy a cheaper house! You're child doesn't need your money to go to uni, they pay the amount back each month after they've graduated and earn a high wage.

Is her other parent not contributing at all? Are you claiming child benefit and using tax free childcare for any wrap around/holiday care?

You’re saving £200 a month for uni!! My friends with DC at uni pay about £400 a month. The rest is student loans and they get a JOB and support themselves! You’re acting like you’re on the breadline when you have thousands in the bank and the ability to save £200 a MONTH! Get a grip

Also to add, a lot might happen between age 6 and 17/18 in terms of uni costs. Admittedly it’s most likely that they’ll go up, but right now for example, graduate apprenticeships are a really good and viable way to gain a degree without tuition fees and whilst earning

I have a young friend with a part time job and two children, who is also raising them alone, with not a lot of help from their father. I very much doubt she is able to save anything for their future, and I also doubt she has savings. She does however manage to eat good food every day. I'm sorry but you are being ridiculous, and seem to have no clue how other people live.

What rubbish how do you think everyone else manages who is in the middle, can’t get a full loan but can’t afford to save or subsidise?
Not everyone’s in a position to do as you and OP are suggesting, in fact many are not.

I have three DC. I was not able to support any of them financially through uni nor gift them deposits. Neither were their GPs. Two went to uni using the loans available and part time jobs. They had a good time, got excellent degrees and have jobs they enjoy in the professions of choice. Both are home owners. The third chose to take a degree apprenticeship, has earned from 18 and now outearns both their siblings. They have saved double they need for a house deposit but are at home through choice as only early 20s and single. My advice to you is look after your own security. Do not rely on inheritance to clear your mortgage. As you say, this is not guaranteed. Encourage your DD to expect to be self reliant, then anything she is gifted will be a bonus.

Means tested if they put your name/income on the application, if they don’t they qualify for max loan and you help them through. It does mean they’ll have a bigger debt when they finish but …

You do not need to downsize - you have £20k in the bank for a rainy day and you are putting £200 a month into your dd bank account - you have options that don't involve a massive upheaval.
We saved for our kids but it went into a bank account with our name on it and if for some reason we couldn't pay the mortgage or the electricity bill I would have has no qualms about dipping into their savings and paying the bill - providing a stable home for my kids is basic - that's what you do first and foremost - a big savings pot is luxury level - it's not needed - you need to prioritise.
Do some reading on how to create a budget with the right priorities - does Martin Lewis how a section on how to budget plan?

Although you owe money on your house, you have a lot more equity in it over and above that. You don’t need to move now to know that that money is available to realise at some point in time - and all the while you are living there it’s value is likely growing too (and at a much higher rated than you’ll ever get from a savings or bank account) If you feel comfortable with the idea of downsizing at some point, and knowing that you are as sure as you can be that your daughter is provided for in the future through anticipated inheritance, then I think it’s more of a matter of reframing the way you think of your current house. It is more of a savings account/investment, than a forever home that you need to find a way to own outright. To that end, overpaying your mortgage perhaps isn’t the best option for you, rather, give yourself a little more to live with each month to feel a bit less like you’re struggling in the now, safe in the knowledge that your house is already a pretty hefty savings pot

Anyone thinking that their kids don't need help to go to uni could be in for a shock.

Whilst the loans for the Tution fees are guaranteed. Maintenance loans (for living and accommodation) are always means tested. You only get the full amount if the household income is under 25k.

My kids can only borrow the minimum loan which is about £4.5k. First year halls was about £8k so that's a 3.5k deficit before even thinking about food.

So I don't think the OP is crazy for considering this, however she certainly shouldn't be thinking about going without meals because of it.