To think I will always have financial stress now others have pointed this out?

If I still had a young child the last thing I would be thinking about was funding uni. In any case she might choose a career that doesn't need uni. Maybe put a bit away to help her get on the property ladder but she won't need that for a very long time. Both my boys managed with very little financial help from us because we had never had anything spare to save, nothing at all. They've both done OK. Live a bit more for today, enjoy your childs growing years with her, have the odd treat and a modest holiday and eat properly. What will happen to her if you wreck your health by starving yourself? Money sorts itself out over a lifetime but you can't ever have her childhood again

You have 20k in savings and save another £200 a month for your DD but don't have enough money to buy food?

You sound very comfortable compared to me and a lot of my peers. There's no reason to starve yourself in your position - maybe save £150 instead of £200 and look after yourself.

Jesus someone playing at poverty oh look at me I have a paid off 2/3my big mortgage .have £20000 in savings put £200 away every month for my child yet YOU CHOOSE to not eat someday of the month .you are either anxious beyond what is normal or you are just plain offensive you are nowhere near the poverty line can you not see it .or do you just want folk to say ahh what a shame bloody hell

First of all, it only applies to under 25-year-olds and plenty of kids make a decision to delay their university education if they are struggling to afford it. 3.5k shortfall is 10.5k over 3 years. OP is saving £200 a month and has 12 years to go and she says it “doesn’t touch the sides”. It, in fact more than covers the shortfall even considering inflation.
Students can also work. I earned about 4k across a year as an undergrad. I worked 6h a week during term time and full time in summer months plus had a one-month-long holiday so could still enjoy myself. I had full amount of maintenance but left my degree with 10k in savings.

Your in a much better than most people I know who rent and have no savings. Most children from working backgrounds will have to get loans for university - if they really want to go then it’s just how it is. You can’t give what you haven’t got so why worry?

I am alone with an 8 year old. I don't see the point in scrimping and saving for a small sum when they are older instead we enjoy the here and now.
My parents couldn't afford to help me go to uni or buy my home and I managed both with hard work. If I'm in a better financial position when my child is older of course I will help them but no one is owed or entitled to help from parents it's a nice to do rather than necessary

OP, getting some financial advice (not on here but IRL) would probably help you, but consider that for the moment, you paying your mortgage IS saving for your DD. She's 6 now. As the time comes for her to go to uni (if that's what she wants) then look at downsizing and that will be the money for her. Don't save the 200 and starve. Use that now knowing that you ARE saving with your property equity.

Poor you. Youre in a better position than me. If she wants to go uni and get into all that debt, let her pay for it herself.

If this helps, OP, DH and I are retired and went from two full time salaries to just occupational pension within two years. I panicked about how we would manage but you spend far less retired than you do working.

Have you posted about this before? Sounds very familiar? You wanted to pay your mortgage off by the time you were 40?

Either way, you need to stop stressing. By all means, if it makes you feel better, pay extra to your mortgage and worry about helping your daughter through Uni later, if she goes. Not eating for a few days every month because you can't afford to, when you are putting away regular savings, is very foolish IMO. You could easily make yourself ill and be unable to care for your daughter.

This.

You could extend the length of your mortgage so you have more cashflow each month. This would make sense as you are likely to be working until at least 60 in any case. It would be far more sensible than downsizing now and reducing your options. Bear in mind that it costs money to move in terms of stamp duty etc.

Seriously if you think you are struggling financially to the extent that you don't eat then you really need to see a therapist for your anxiety.

University isn't all it's cracked up to be.
For clarification I'm a university educated professional who went through when fees were paid.
I'm a single parent of two.
I'd not be bothered if my kids don't go to university. As long as they're happy and earning.
University education is not always a good investment these days.
Save by all means for her future. Don't sacrifice your mental health and present though.

@5128gap this! Get a grip OP. I work with parents who have to skip meals so their children can eat. They’d give anything to own a home or even have £100 savings. You’re being ridiculous.

You're concerned that downsizing and moving would up lift your DD. It's better to do it now, she's 6, she can make new friends, than to do it later when those friendship groups are already deeply established.

Half what you're paying into her uni pot, eat regular meals and spend time with your child creating memories. There's different ways to go to uni now like degree apprenticeships. But she's 6, things will have changed again, uni is not the be all and end all of getting a good job and stable future.

And seek some therapy!

I have very similar finances to you and feel quite financially stable. I don't really know why you are panicking. Your job is to get your dc to adulthood and give them the tools to be independent from then on. We have a load of equity in the house which we can release by downsizing when they're older but for uni they'll have to get a loan like anyone else, unless they inherit from their grandparents or something. Which they might do but I am hardly banking on or hoping for. They are financially privileged, it's normal to have a mortgage during your working life- it makes a lot more sense than paying rent but is a similar outlay. I don't know why people mumsnet are so obsessed with paying it off early. Then what will you do with the extra cash that means it's better than having it in your pockets now?

You say you're struggling, in a house worth over half a million, and you hadn't thought of this?

You're a lone parent. I also think this is what is driving your anxiety. The feeling that it's all on you. I get it, I've been there.

Being able to give your child a financial start at adulthood is understandable and a great thing to do if you can. Maybe for uni, maybe not. 12 years is a long time and if I had younger kids I'd be encouraging them into degree apprenticeships unless uni was to achieve a high earning career.

Play around with some compound interest calculators so you can get an idea of what you could save if you dropped your daughter's savings to £100 a month. Remember, you have 12 years so compound interest is your friend. Same for your pension as you may be worrying over less than you think. But whatever, not eating for 2-3 days a month sounds like a choice and a very poor one at that.

Money alone doesn't bring happiness but it does give options. Take some time to work out your options as you do have some.

Stop worrying now, stop saving 200 a month for her at the moment so you don’t have to go without meals and downsize when she’s older (either before secondary or when she’s going off to uni) and that’ll free up enough cash to cover her through uni plus extra for your retirement.

You have:

£360,000 in equity in your home,
£20,000 in savings
£54,000 salary
£200 per month savings

You have gone without meals for the last 2-3 days because you think you are struggling.

You need therapy.

The best thing you can do for your DD now is to take out a decent life insurance policy on your life!

I’m not sure how true this post is OP .. but skipping meals when you have 20k in the bank is ridiculous. Saving £200 per month for your dd to go to uni won’t scratch the surface?? That will amount to £25k plus! Thats more than enough given she can get student loans, work her way too! And she may not even go!

This. People are ridiculous and have such ridiculous expectations.

@Baept15 do you have significant debt?
If not you are in a fairly comfortable position. It sounds like it’s all on you though. Is there not the other parent to help with the cost of raising your child?