Calling reverse! It drives me mad and literally makes no sense

Is this a reverse, OP?

That my point. You have no idea if the other mother was thinking about complaining to the nursery.

Most of the thread is about the complaint and that’s entirely made up in your head. Not hers.

Had she told it from her point of view it would have likely been a different story

Loads of people admit reverse posting.

Often because the want people to agree the party that is ‘wrong’ is wrong. Or because they want to see people talk about stupid/awful/wrong this person is. But they don’t want to admit they are just posting to enjoy other people talking shit about someone.

It’s an anonymous site so they don’t care if someone thinks it’s them. They are still vindicated.

and it’s always weird, because you can bet the person they are pretending to be will have a different version of the story.

But they write it assuming that the other person's reasoning is rubbish.
So something like:

My neighbour's asking me ever so nicely if I would cut the brambles back from my front garden. She was ever so polite about it, but I don't want to because I hate gardening. They've always bent over backwards for us, even moving the pots from the Front garden because we were worried we'd trip over them, and painting the fence the colour we wanted..
I know they're now growing into their path and it's scratched their car yesterday, but I don't care.

When the reality is that the op has constantly moaned about everything, the brambles are actually one runner that is nowhere near the boundary, the moved pots were left half in the neighbour's path, the fence colour was a matter of dispute (not the op's fence) and the neighbour finally snapped that they wouldn't be immediately dealing with the bramble when the op ambushed them as they came back from their mother's funeral...

I dont if posting reveses is against the rules but posters who think they've spotted one are as tedious as the troll hunters who think they are oh so clever and have to say what they think on the thread despite no troll hunting being probably the most widely known rule

Gold stars all round, not

I was actually thinking of posting the same thing today OP! The last 3 or 4 threads I’ve been really invested in there have been posters suggesting it’s a reverse within a few posts. I find it frustrating too as I’ve very rarely read any posts where the OP has admitted to it being a reverse. Certainly not in comparison to the number of posters suggesting it. And also I hate this thing of posters saying ‘first to call a reverse.’ I find it really infantile & like you say the posters doing it think they’re so clever.

@Sunsetbeachhouse because I was worried that's what she was going to do, even though she didn't say she was going to do anything. That was my concern. I thought I was going to see an email in my inbox from the nursery scolding parents for shouting outside the nursery. I didn't think it was that far fetched that someone would do that ! It was also the way she looked at me, which made me think she might report the incident.

Just wondering why did you post you're thinking of reporting it to the nursery if it was you and you made a genuine mistake. To me it's one thing doing a reverse it's another writing complete lies and writing stuff just to see what ppl will say . 🤔

Yes it's stupid. And most just jump on the band wagon once someone else has said it and actually like you said there's nothing what so ever to indicate this is what the op is doing.. literally every post could be a reverse according to some ppl.. even this one 🤣🤣

Mum screaming F you at another car outside nursery http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5076521-mum-screaming-f-you-at-another-car-outside-nursery

I thought, if I post it from my own point of view - me being the one that shouted at the other car, I would just be called out for being disgusting. I was the lady putting the child in the car and being yelled at by a passing car. I then responded by shouting F you at the car. 😩

I felt really bad about what I did and I was genuinely quite worried that the mum was going go complain to the nursery. We did get emails before about people's parking. I felt bad about what I did and about myself. I wanted to see, if people thought I was a monster or if it could be chalked up to a bad day.

I really thought that if I posted it from my own point of view, people would just completely slate me. I didn't post this one from my own POV though, ever. Just the reverse.

I've done it before.

I posted the situation first from my POV and got ripped to shreds and said I was completely unreasonable.

A few months later, I posted it as a reverse and everyone ripped the ' OP ' to shreds too.

Sometimes, on some topics - people just want to rip the OP to shreds. No matter what is actually said.

I agree with Honest mistake. I think people believe they are being subjective when they post from the other point of view - but of course they're not. This leads to posts where people are describing 'themselves' behaving in such an outrageous way that a 'reverse' seems a more obvious conclusion than someone entirely lacking in self awareness.

They don't particularly bother me, they're just a bit pointless. Same as when people describe a falling out between them and friends and ascribe everyone a letter and don't say which one they are. But it's always obvious which one they are!

Just give it up and post from your own point of view.

Is THIS a reverse?

It's a mumsnet fad.

A while back it was the term 'gaslighting' that got mentioned in every other thread.

People seem bored of that now and go for the 'reverse' trend.

It'll soon be old news and something else will be the fad mention.

I've seen quite a few people admit to posting a reverse actually. They're normally posted by people who know 100% they're in the right but want to enjoy watching the carnage of the person who wronged them being ripped apart by Mumsnet (even if said person isn't there to experience it). I think it feels more vindicating than just lots of people saying "yes obviously we agree with you, they're awful".

As such, "this has to be a reverse" has come to mean "you're being so unbelievably unreasonable there's no way you can possibly think you're in the right". It's less an attempt to catch a reverser in the act and more an expression of utter incredulity that someone could be so delusional.

Yes agree with your second paragraph.

I don't think they're allowed, I've seen them deleted before.

(ETA usual disclaimer about variability of moderating on MN...)

Are they not allowed? Is that an actual rule?

Regardless, I think people ‘calling reverse’ often don’t genuinely mean it. It’s just a particularly emphatic way to tell someone they are being extremely unreasonable.

Saying ‘I call reverse’ or ‘this must be a reverse’ is basically MN shorthand for ‘wow, you’re being SO unreasonable that people are seriously struggling to believe what you’ve written / that you think it’s reasonable to even ask’.

For example, the woman who ghosted her friend and ignored her while she was getting divorced, then messaged her friend basically saying ‘happy birthday, I’m having a hard time as my mum died’ and making the birthday wishes all about her, then complained that her friend wasn’t supporting her. People called reverse because they couldn’t quite believe how selfish and one-sided the OP was being.

Edited to add: that one WASN’T a reverse, but the OP came across so badly that people thought it might be.

Reverses aren't allowed OP.

Calling reverse is part genuine suspicion, part a desire to be first to call it, and part a way of saying "you're so ridiculously in the wrong you can't possibly think you're right".

Sometimes often people will try to find fault with the OP, so a reverse can be a way of avoiding that.

So let’s say you make a very minor error when driving, eg pulling out a bit before you should as you misjudged the speed of the other car coming but with plenty of time to stop, they just have to slow down. They react aggressively, beeping, swearing and screaming at you at the next set of lights of whatever.

If you post as it was chances are you’ll be told you were unreasonable to pull out, the poor person in the other car was clearly terrified hence their reaction you’re a dreadful inconsiderate driver, should be off the roads, my great aunt did that once and killed herself and everyone else (cue lots of pages consoling that poster and telling the OP that she is personally responsible for this.)

If you post saying you were the swearer then you’d get your arse handed to you. So the OP has got it off her chest without having her driving license revoked via the internet.

Here's in for example which I found v quickly
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2038981-to-think-my-neighbour-has-overreacted?postsby=Spottyandstripped

Ok ok I confess!!!

I'm a poster of many years but I've name changed for this, my first ever reverse AIBU!!!

All this happened to me, this week! The police came today and took statements from me and my mum, who witnessed it all, and said that the woman concerned was likely to get a fixed penalty thing of £80! I suddenly doubted myself! Was I over reacting? Was it really that bad? But it is! And she really DID email our divvy of a landlord who immediately emailed the letting agent! I'm hopping mad about it a and very upset, but you know how sometimes you doubt yourself?

I've seen a fair few but agree it tended to be more common in the past. These days, I am almost certain any that look like reverses are

a) actual reverses but written in a way to whip up support for the 'other party' in the OP (aka the OP) that they get some vindication from

or

b) trolls (of which I think there are loads more these days than there used to be)

I personally just tend to hide and move on but I understand why people get upset at feeling tricked.

I have also seen quite a few in the 17 years I've been on MN where the poster admits it's a reverse. The OP tends to go quiet for a while and then come back with something like "OK guys, you've guessed it, I am the DIL/ friend/ SIL in this situation"

I've been here 20 years and it used to happen more often in past years than now but does still happen. I think people do it if they're not sure themselves if they are being unreasonable about something that has happened to them. Not a big deal.