ExH is “sick to death” of me and wants to stop me seeing DD

How does he know about the DLA?
He must be working if he takes a PL day , so claim maintenance.
He's another useless Dad we see on MN all too often.
I'd use an app for communication and block him.

If you have to send him photos send him boring stuff, going to supermarket, doing homework. Share nothing of your life/nice activities. None of his business

Yanbu to want to tell your ex to jump off the nearest cliff. Yabu to give him the time of day. Ignoring him will irritate him so do this. Keep a record of all he says or dues and when he actually sees your dd and for how long.

Get a folder and copy every text and email and write down every interaction. Get a calendar and mark all the days he has his dd.
Do not rise to it, unless he asks a direct question about your dd do not respond to him.
The courts won't appoint him single residency to your dd as it's not in your dds best interest. It's quite clear he's just after her DLA money. Tough it out for the next few years and then take it back to court and ask for your dds opinion to be taken into consideration.

He’s an absolute prick and the only person who is alienating his child from him is him. But you know that already yourself.

For now, listen to what your daughter is telling you. She doesn’t want to speak to her dad between visits and she wants to see him less. There’s a reason for that. She’s told staff at her school the same thing. Make sure you screenshot any messages and don’t bother replying to any of his rants. There’s no point, he’s not interested in anyone but himself and also the more he sends you that you don’t reply to, the more deranged he looks. Which given your daughter wants to spend less time with him can only be a good thing.

Oh and keep a diary of contact, if you’re not already. As in, the times daughter is with you and when she goes to her dad specifically. You’re currently meant to have 50/50 and he’s not really bothering. I think the court needs to see that record seeing as he wants to have full residency. He’s batshit if he thinks a judge won’t see straight through him.

Of course you are not being unreasonable, he sounds like a complete arse! But he is baiting you so if you snap and have a go at him, he will have got what he wanted and will play the victim, say you're abusive etc. I would hold your tongue and play the long game. Gather all your evidence (not having DD 50/50, evidence that you keep in touch and inform him what's going on with DD, how you facilitate his contact with DD etc) and make sure you're really well prepared for court - I doubt any court is going to hand DD over to him full time and not allow you contact. He's just being an absolute twat and I'm pretty sure a judge will see that - they see this all the time. If your DD is 10, they will have to give consideration to her wishes also.

He's never paid maintenance??? What a cunt.

I'd ignore him and only communicate though email/parenting app. But I wouldn't pay attention to a word he says, the useless git.

I think it's wrong that your daughter is forced to do something she doesn't want to, just so he can't say you're not letting him speak to her.

I've no legal advice but you sound like a brilliant mum OP and I'm so sorry you & DD are lumbered with such a waste of space.

Hopefully the court will listen to your daughter

I'd be tempted to ask for a contact centre when he sees her so zero need to contact you.

If he’s taking parental leave then he must be working. Time to put in a CMS claim.

Are his parents not ashamed of him?

This is correct. Always be child focused and be seen to be trying to encourage contact because if you don’t, it will give weight to his claims of parental alienation. Although the courts are supposed to be all about the child’s best interests, the reality is that they always lean heavily towards parental rights. So, if you’re seen to have been encouraging contact but the child is refusing despite that, it shows you are being child focused in their eyes. Ridiculous, I know but that’s the way they work. Do not engage with him. Don’t give him any ammunition. Stay child focused. Document everything.

the courts will rule in your favour and not send your daughter to him full time do you think?

@ull Unlikely given that he’s flitting between two houses as he falls out with his family. He couldn't provide his DD with a home.

YANBU to want to give him a piece of your mind, absolutely. But you know it won't do any good

Your description of your interactions/messages to him is hilarious. I know it is all advised by your solicitor but it obviously ENRAGES him and there is nothing he can do 👌

Pictures of days out, holidays, clubs, parties. And all he does with her is sit indoors on the PS 😂 My God! He is telling on himself, big time.

It won't be long until DD will be able to tell the court she doesn't want to see him & be taken seriously. You're doing brilliantly.

the courts will rule in your favour and not send your daughter to him full time do you think?
I hope that doesn’t happen and you shouldn’t have told him about the DLA it’s none of his business he only wants your daughter so he can claim the money for her. The waste of space that he is by the sounds of it. Save all correspondence and don’t give a reaction. Your daughters voting with her feet stop bribing her if she doesn’t want to call don’t make her, I wouldn’t send photos either or videos.

As others have said, follow your solicitor’s advice and wait it out. Unless he steps up his parenting, your DD will choose not to see him in a few years and the court won’t force contact. He’s bringing this on himself. 🤷

Bribing her to talk to her father is awful. Stop doing that. You need to listen to her.

Ignore all his shit

Stop sending photos

Only communicate if you have to.

Stop trying to facilitate anything with him.

It's all noise from him. She's old enough to choose where she goes and who she lives with.

His opinions are meaningless.

It's only noise.

YANBU to want to. You would be unreasonable to actually do it, just because it’s not in your DD’s best interests to have that drama added to her life with the potential for it to influence any court proceedings.

He sounds awful. Your DD is lucky to have you in her life instead of having to rely on him.

Also, document his verbal abuse. Date, time, place and what he said. Keep all his abusive texts. You may need it for court.

Keep good records, screenshots, mark in a diary when he cancels/sees her, any notes.

Hes not really angry at you, he’s angry at himself as he knows he’s a shit parent but can’t/wont change. These are a key few years for him because soon no one will make DD see him.
He’s just another in a long list of crap fathers who put the blame on mothers for their own choices.

You are going to have to resist rising to the bait.
As he is abusive, it is to DD's benefit that he hardly sees her. Just document all of his failures to interact with her and stop talking to him about it. Tell him to call your lawyer with any complaints he has and ignore any of his whiny, accusatory texts. He is actually projecting- accusing you of having money motives because those are his motives.
You can make arrangements for visitation via an app like MyFamilyWizard so you don't have to speak to him other than at child pickups. If he gets verbally abusive at those times, turn on your heel and walk off.
It might feel good to put him on blast, but he's hoping you will so he can strengthen his claim of parental alienation. Do not give him what he wants.

Give a man enough rope... Let him rant. Every message is your dd a step away from him

.. At secondary school they won't force anything on your dd.