Calling all mums of 13/14 year olds

OP, after your update the issue seems to be less about romantic relationships, and more about toxic relationships and bullying generally. I mean in many ways your daughter’s situation is just like having a non romantic frenemy and nasty friendship group.

If I were you, I’d keep talking about how real friends and decent BFs/GFs make people feel good about themselves and don’t deliberately hurt them. Maybe see if your daughter would be open to watching some TV or films with you where good relationships are on display?

My dd and I liked Heartstopper and Atypical very much. Also maybe talk to her about relationships you’ve had, how it feels to be with a partner who likes and respects you compared with one who uses you and makes you second guess everything.

I think things are different now - but in a better way than you do.
In the 90s for our school at least, the aim was get as old a boyfriend as you can with a car.
When I was 15 I was sleeping with a 23 year old , this was pretty average. My friend in the year above had a boyfriend who was 42!
Both of my teens 100% know it’s weird for adults to be interested in teenagers. I actually think the internet has made them more aware of weird people whereas we had no idea and thought these men loved us.
I also think it is fine to reply to a thread like this because if it’s genuine it helps a mum and if it’s not it shows the weirdos that these kids aren’t interested.

My autistic DD13 claims to be gay but there is no sign of any relationship on the horizon.

That you know about 😂

Two of my friends who were at all girls schools managed to have numerous secret boyfriends from other schools...in fact I think they were more active on that score because it was like "forbidden fruit"!

@MrsCarterS112 This sounds very worrying. I would thread carefully. You are right in thinking that banning him will likely result in your daughter keeping it a secret. I would continue having conversations with your daughter about healthy relationships vs abuse and hope that she will develop some awareness if not immediately, then later in life.
But there may come a point where you have to think of harsher measures to protect her.
Have you discussed it with the school? I think there may be a case for keeping an eye on a boy ( thinking he may have learned this behaviour at home, in which case I think school should be aware of the potential impact of his home life on his MH. Or he may just be a little shit).

We cannot relate to this generation your talking about a generation of CHILDREN stabbing people! STABBING…this is a totally different generation so dont be shocked by anything. All we can do is guide them

This.
Can't believe how many posters willingly just jumped in feet first 🤷‍♀️

So ill be honest its different nowadays. My partners got a daughter now 15 but at 14 they found texts on her phone. And on tiktok to a man. Talking about sex. Wanting to have sex really inappropriate talk to a man god knows how old. The internet is dangerous what they are exposed to makes them grow up too quick. They are children and its our jobs to protect them. Dont be suprised that sex will be a topic. Some girls will have had it as some boys. Others wont its upbringing its knowledge around the subject being open talking. Not ina. Mum way even tho we worry sick. They have to be able to come to u and talk. Dont make the mistake of embarrassing them to the point they cant. what are their frendship groups like? its different nowadays…social media and esp tiktok exposes them to things they shouldnt be x

This for me was the most risky age with our son .(14)

Thankfully hes through the other side of it now , but they tend to start experimenting, this is the age where a lot of sexting can happen and nude type selfies.

Keep a close eye because while they start experimenting more they also become less communicative.

It was also the age at which my step son became involved in experimenting.

I really did not like that age- i was an anxious wreck.

You want us to talk about juvenile’s relationships? Uh. No ta you frigging p**v.

My 13 year old daughter has a boyfriend of the same age. There is no physical element to the relationship beyond hugs/hand-holding, so it's like a very close friendship in many ways (and they were friends before they started, in her words, "dating"). She started talking about fancying people (for want of a better way to put it) when she was pretty young - 9 maybe? I remember being the same myself. We also both went through physical puberty relatively early, so possibly that is linked....

We've talked about sex etc, and she knows that I would prefer her to wait till at least 16 for reasons of emotional safety, and says she broadly agrees - we've also talked about how it's easy to get swept up in the moment etc. Ultimately I just want her to be safe! There is a fine balance to strike I feel, between being non-judgemental so that she always feels able to speak to me, and also counselling caution where big and tricky things like sex and relationships are concerned.

There is a lot of variation at this age, some kids will have a strong sense of who they are attracted to/desires to act on it, and others will still be quite oblivious to all of that! It's all within the scope of "normal"....

My DD2 is 14 this month, very academic but quite young emotionally. Not remotely interested. My very lovely autistic 16 year old girl is starting to be interested but has no idea how to flirt. I’m hoping she finds someone once she starts college. She isn’t interested in booze which was the only way I got past my insecurities and got boyfriends. She asked me how to get a boyfriend but sadly cider is all I’ve got 🙁

Goodjob.

My 14 year old ds still hides his eyes when there's snogging on telly and cringes when there any talk of sex.

DD had a friend who became a gf for a while, the only thing that changed is that they started to hold hands and when they had sleepovers the other mum and I agreed that sleepovers had to be a group thing and made it clear they weren't to sleep in the same bed etc the relationship petered out naturally and they are back to being friends. They went to Costa and the cinema but they've always done that.

But having worked in a secondary, relationships can go from teens having no interest to full sexual relationships and sleeping at each others houses regularly. Most are somewhere down the middle.

It seemed increasingly common for girls to have a gf, I think the likelihood of them all being same sex attracted as grown ups is unlikely, it seems to be abit of a protective buffer from being called frigid of yesteryear and to avoid male attention.

My daughter is 14 and, similar to a PP, she only ever spends time with her boyfriend at school. They've only ever met outside of school a couple of times, and on both occasions were in a larger group. They walk at break and hold hands, she says they haven't kissed. They endlessly whatsapp and snapchat messages to each other though outside of school, messages that consist almost entirely of love heart emojis 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️😂

DD 14 has her first boyfriend; he's a sweet kid and mostly they just hang out here or go for walks (presumably that means for snogging). But he seems a sweet sensible kid.

Boys - 13 and 15, no interest as of yet. Hate being asked about it by people and ask me to tell family to stop if they ask because it annoys them and makes them feel uncomfortable, which i think is fair comment. Say there's plenty of time for dating when not at school anymore. They are into computers and sports, have big friend groups and both seem set on going to university (one computer science or sport science, one maths or physics)

15 DD with SEN. Seemingly no interest in either sex yet.

14 yearold girl here, she has crushes on Kpop singers and actors like Thimothee Chalamet but thinks real boys her age are gross. Fine by me 😀

Two older teenage girls, put them in an all girls school. No boyfriends yet and I hope it stays that way for their education 🤞

I have a 13 year old DD, has had "crushes" on boys but no interest in actually dating yet

Neither of mine had the least interest in romance at that age. They said so regularly. This surprised me, because I was interested when I was a young teen. I didn't actually HAVE a BF/GF until I was 15, but only because the opportunity didn't present itself.