AIBU to avoid DP who’s been ill in hospital

I got very ill with a serious sinus infection. The ENT doc sent me home to bed.
My boyfriend woke me every 20 minutes to ask me if I needed anything, no joke.
Sleep, you arsehole! I need sleep!!”
If this dude needs babying, have him call his mummy or a wet nurse.
I believe you have plans, young lady.
Don’t forget to write! 👋

Fuck that shit.

What does he want you to do? Fix him soup? Mop his brow? Wipe his arse? He is a grown man, not a child. If he has no children or pets to care for and has plenty of food in, you can be sympathetic on the other end of a phone and he can look after himself.

It's gross that he asked you. Why does he have expectations of service from you? Well done on having boundaries. I'd throw this one back tbh.

Set your stall out from the word go. You are not going to be his mummy or his nurse. And you are really very offended that he wants you to be.

He's not your "dp", he's a guy you shag and hang out with occasionally.

You don’t sound like you like him much. Doesn’t seem to be much love.

If my bf of 18 months had been admitted to hospital I’d be straight there whether his dm was there or not.

I wouldn’t stay over at his but l would visit a lot if he was still unwell until you went on holiday.

This relationship seems
short on care and compassion.

Not entirely sure why you're partners tbh. He might want to be babied but it sounds like some sympathy might be warranted at least.

If you're only willing to pitch in when things are good you're a bit of a lightweight and not in it for the long haul why stick about.

It's highly unlikely that it's contagious if its been treated with intravenous antibiotics and it's bacterial. He spent 2 days in hospital and likely felt pretty rough. He may now be feeling really weak. I think that you should, at the very least, pop round to see him and help him out a bit. He doesn't need babying or for you necessarily to be there for a week, but it does sound as though he could use some TLC. If it were the other way round and he had been away for a week whilst you had been in hospital and then he didn't want to see you for the next 10 days before he went on holiday, people would be in uproar. If you were at risk of getting anything, they would have given advice upon his discharge.

Hmm
If he's the one and you have a mutual connection and future together, I think you would want to look after him and would offer to do so without hesitation however, if his feelings were that yiur are the one and have a mutual connection and future together I think he'd say, no you mustn't I really want you to enjoy your holiday.

I suspect the relationship might have run its course, in which case let his mum take over.

YANBU. Why would a grown man expect to be “babied” when he’s not well? He’s an adult. And he’s infectious. I’d steer well clear and let his mum do the babying. Enjoy your holiday.

My immediate reaction would be
"No, I'm not a nurse & I don't like sick people. If you're too ill to be alone then you shouldn't be leaving hospital"

I wouldn't consider it without the holiday coming up & no way would I risk my holiday. Woukd your travel insurance pay if you had to cancel.

Let's face it the vast majority of men woukd say no to such a request if it was the other way round.

I'm not a doctor, but are you sure bacterial colitis (which he's got) is the same as infectious colitis (which you've googled, and determined is transmissible?). He might have a bacterial colitis that is not infectious (i.e. one arising from the overgrowth of normal bacteria in the gut) hence its not something you could 'catch'. Maybe that explains the discrepancy between what the hospital have told him (i.e. he's not infectious), and what you've googled?

I do think if I had been in hospital I would be so relieved and grateful to my returning partner to give me some emotional and practical support. When I am ill at home its lovely to not have the burden of doing housework, preparing myself food etc. I'm so lucky to have a loving husband who does this for me when I'm ill and I do the same for him. Surely it helps with recovery too.

But do we know he wouldn’t do the same?

Being uncaring in anticipation of the other person being uncaring doesn’t sound like a great foundation for a relationship, does it?

I would show up with food shopping, put on a wash as needed but wouldn't move in for the week. Does he expect you to take time off work to care for him, do you have other responsibilities at your own home OP?

Providing care and minor nursing is par for the course when a loved one is ill.

Fussing over a grown up who just wants to be indulged is another kettle of fish entirely.

Especially, do when such a man will not provide the same level of care in return.

Or - before having kids, aim to find a relationship where looking after each other is the normal rather than a race to the bottom?

So many caring women about 😮

So, while he's genuinely ill, he also likes to be cossetted.

If he wants to be babied, he needs to be with the woman who can see him as a baby: his mother.

Continue doing what you're already doing. Explain that you need to protect your own health and couldn't possibly take proper care of him if you fell ill. Would he step up and baby you?

Then, go on your holiday and think long and hard if you want to take on a man who wants to be indulged the minute he gets a cold. Your children will take up enough of you energy and patience when they arrive and he will throw a hissy fit.

yep!

It's really weird to see so many women criticising a man for asking to be cared for when he is ill, on the same website where women criticise men for leaving women whenever they become unwell.

Hi OP, I think you should stay with him but only if you don't come across as being resentful. If he was unwell enough to be admitted to hospital, he must have been really unwell. He wouldn't have been discharged if he was a high risk.
Adhere to vigilant hygiene precautions and your BF is on antibiotics. If you are in a relationship with this man, I believe you should stay with him.
Congratulations on the new addition to your family and enjoy your forthcoming trip

This. The being babied when ill comment is major ick.