AIBU to avoid DP who’s been ill in hospital

@raincloudsandholidays Empathy and compassion are "strong" person characteristics. The majority of people are weak, which is why most people have no empathy for sick people.

Some of the comments on here are absolutely awful, saying he should suck it up and that he's asking too much, that he's been babied by his mother, he's literally been in hospital ok it may not be the most sensible thing to ask for but do none of you have any sympathy?!

If I had just come out of hospital and all my partner wanted to do was send a gift basket before they went on holiday I'd suggest it would be best to call off the relationship. Think that's probably the best thing that could happen to Op and their partner.

I think it's a lot to ASK of someone, I would probably hope/expect my partner to help me out if I was in his position (unless I knew for sure they ran the risk of infection in which case I'd actively encourage them to stay away.) But I wouldn't just outright ask someone to move in for a week and be my carer, that's forcing someone's hand, I'd only want that if they offered and it was their own free choice. Him asking you to do it seems really off-putting and needy to me, although I do admit, like I said before, I think a partner would offer a fairly significant amount of support to their partner in this situation. You are right to be cautious if you think you could be infected, that's totally reasonable, but you not wanting to throw caution to the wind and run to take care of him maybe does say something about your relationship dynamic. I should say that whilst I wouldn't ask, I also wouldn't have needed to be asked myself, I would have offered to help out if it was my partner I really loved. My SIL and baby niece just had horrendous sickness bug and I offered to have the baby or go over and help, virtual guarantee I'd get it, I didn't care, they were struggling, she said absolutely not based on really not wanting me to get ill, we were both concerned about each other, it sounds like you are both concerned about yourselves, which is fine but maybe something to consider for future if this dynamic doesn't shift.

I chose YANBU only because you don’t live together, so I think that’s such a big ask for you to drop work and everything important and live there for the week.

You are being ridiculously unreasonable if you don’t at least go round there everyday, offer that emotional support and help him out with a load of washing at least.
The poor lad was in hospital, he is proper sick.
As someone who has unfortunately been hospitalised a decent amount due to endometriosis. It’s nice to have help and someone to hold your hand occasionally and say “It’s gonna be okay”
And I’m far from someone who likes to be ‘babied’

On the basis of not wanting to jeopardise my holiday I would say no. I have no problem helping out when people are unwell but he does have other help available.

@User3456 If you do need to go in to help him open the windows, wear an FFP2 or FFP3 mask, gloves or hand sanitizer, change clothes when you get home. Don't stay any longer than necessary.

He has bacterial colitis. Unless this is a new form of bacteria that I'm not familiar with that has evolved wings, I seriously doubt they are going to magically fly into OP's lungs.

YANBU.
Check on him regularly and offer to drop things off..
If you do need to go in to help him open the windows, wear an FFP2 or FFP3 mask, gloves or hand sanitizer, change clothes when you get home. Don't stay any longer than necessary.
Hope he's ok 🤞

Agreed. This woman should leave this man because it's not fair on him to be with a weak woman. Instead, he needs to find a stronger woman who is caring and compassionate.

If this was reversed people would want you as a women to be looked after

But no he is just as capable as you would be

I’m going to offer a slightly different opinion. I would say after dating 1.5 years if you don’t want to go and see him to check he’s ok in person after coming out of hospital, then you aren’t that into him. After 1.5 years with my now DH we were living together and he looked after me after surgery no questions asked.

But he isnt super sick, he has been treated and is recovering well if he can do 6 flights of stairs without help AND go for a walk. Also, when he does have a cold, he takes 2 days off work!

So with someone who is like that when tthey are ill with something that the rest of us get on with, I am afraid that they wont get taken seriously when it is something worse.

Crying wolf springs to mind.

ETA you say "he has been hospitalised, people are acting like he has a cold" so why then, when he has a cold, does he act like he has been hospitalised?!

Omg, use the baby as an excuse to stay away. Let’s be honest, after the comment to the chaplain, I would have been wanting to smother him with a pillow myself… You could even be honest (when he’s better - MUCH later) and let him know just how unattractive that shit is. One day you might have ACTUAL children.

He has been hospitalized. People are acting like he has a cold.

I'm happy to baby my partner if he's super sick. You're not though and I don't think this relationship is going to work.

You have different expectations.

@Horachied
"He really has been babied by his mum though so he thinks that I’m being very harsh and cold when I don’t treat him the same way."

I have to say this is a bad sign 😕 if you did have kids together I guarantee this would feel 10x worse and you'll probably want to kill him.

Yes, this.

He likes to be babied when ill. Plenty of women love to baby their partners, but that’s just not you and that’s also fine. I think it speaks volumes about long term compatibility though. It’s fine when you maintain separate lives, living apart as boyfriend and girlfriend, but partners need to have greater compatibility than this. Make sure you’re on the same page about where you’re relationship is going.

He's not your partner is he, he's your boyfriend.

YANBU

Sounds like you might take the risk after a few more days if it weren’t for your holiday. Rotten timing. But perfectly reasonable to avoid catching an infection ahead of that, especially if his mum’s on hand - and maybe others. It’s not like he has no one else to support him.

And as long as, if the tables were turned, you wouldn’t mind if he did that.

The ‘babied’ preference isn’t attractive in a man or woman.

Exactly that.

He seems to be looking for a nurse rather than a partner.

There’s a massive difference between being a wife and a girlfriend who doesn’t live with her partner.

And between wanting a glass of water and asking a chaplain to pray for you for an easily treatable condition 😂

I just did a quick google search on it and it seems horrendous! This could end up being a life long condition and an autoimmune disease. I doubt this has been the first time he has had it.

I absolutely agree that you shouldn't be the one to look after him as you are going away, but if what I've just read on the NHS website is what he has, then cut him some slack, this isn't an easy or pleasant disease

I do t actually see what's wrong with wanting to have your partner with you when you've been unwell, hospitalised, and are now home. I would have thought it was fairly normal to look after your partner (to an extent) when they are unwell, whether you are male or female. I would go round and see him, but not stay- and not use the toilet, I wouldn't be saying get fucked I have a holiday in ten days, see ya. It's a bit fecking harsh saying he wants 'babied' and it's an 'ick' wanting support from your partner post hospitalisation.

I wouldnt. An infection that is treated, a boyfriend that she doesnt live with, an expectation that he looks after her even though she can go out for walks and doesnt actually need any physical support and him potentially catching it and missing a holiday? No, I would say the same with the added warning that if she keeps that shit up, he will probably get sick of her ways and dump her for someone less pathetic and needy.

He sounds like the male verion of the Princess.

At best he’s a total baby. At worst he’ll end up being a total financial and emotional drag on you.

I mean there is or was a thread ongoing where a man failed to hand his wife a glass of water when she coughed, and everyone was advising her to leave and take all his assets. I personally thought she sounded like a nightmare but the inconsistency of responses is striking.