Am I being dramatic to say I don’t want this much contact? At wits end

Stop using that as a guilt trip - not all of us are close to our parents - you were - good for you.

I couldn't care less if mines alive or dead 🤷🏻‍♀️

Parents need to let their adult children have a life - go back tu work if your bored or volunteer - not pester your children.

Am I the only person that thinks this could be about them? I’m the kind of person that texts to “check in” a 2-3 times a day. It’s trying to start a conversation. In a world where I don’t see people very often my only contact is via text. It’s me showing I care and the person is on my mind but it’s also trying not to be lonely and maintain a connection. I always worry I bother people by texting and I think the consensus from here is that this kind of thing is annoying

Hate to point out he obvious... be honest? Hate to be dramatic but remember, some people no longer have parents. They, like me, would give anything to have constant messages. Be grateful.

It's great you were close to your mum - not all of us are, in fact I'm no contact with mine.

I get sick to death of the 'you'll regret it whens gone' etc - nope. Honestly won't.

Don't push your guilt tripping crap on others.

Ignore the message and when she calls - decline it and text back 'busy at the moment, I'll message when I have chance' - then leave it until the next day.

Then message and say 'I'm busy with life at the moment, I'll message and call when I can - just don't panic if I don't answer if you message/call'.

You feel what you feel. A compromise of one message a day and one visit a week seems acceptable to start with.

Do not feel bad or guilty about how you feel, you are a person and it is perfectly acceptable to want to address your feelings and try to resolve them.

Sometimes a white lie is less hurtful than the truth.

Not being unreasonable at all.

Just don't answer the messages until the evening or longer.

When they mention coming to see you just say you're busy 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would find this too much. I would text back “sorry I’m really busy today - speak later” then ignore subsequent messages.

I spoke to my mum every day and saw her 3 or 4 times a week. She died 5 years ago. I miss her so much.

You are a bit mean, although I will say that I am an only child and my Mum was widowed at 56 so we were very close, probably closer than a lot of mums and daughters.

Try and think of it from her viewpoint and also how you will feel when she is gone because then you will realise what a gap it is in your life.

This is sentimental nonsense. Stop trying to guilt trip the OP.

Either my mum or dad will text me every day, and I see them at least 3 times a week. I lived away from them for a long time so it took some adjusting to being close by again, but honestly I just see it as lucky that I get to speak to them every day & spend so much time with them as I know they won’t be here forever. Sounds like your mum just wants to be involved in yours / your daughter’s life so don’t be too harsh on her!
Although I’m willing to accept I’m the anomaly because me & DH are actually in the process of buying a joint property with my parents, which I’m sure would be most people’s idea of hell 😂

My mum is like this , she’s archived/ muted and I open and reply when I can

Way too much. Stop answering all the messages, and let them know what's OK for you (eg one text or call per week).
Most people of their age are way too busy to be constantly hassling their adult kids!

Yes, we text each other maybe three times a day.

I have the same thing from my mum. If I don't respond, she messages or calls my dcs to check I'm not dead.

She doesn't do it to my siblings. One can't answer his phone at work, and the other one just ignores her for weeks at a time.

I'm trying to kindly put boundaries in place, and I have almost got it down to two calls a day, but some days it can be seven, or more if I don't answer and she gets in a state.

and this is the problem, you're replying.

manage her expectations by explicitly saying you'll reply to all messages at the end of the day/by the weekend/etc. and to not worry.

Yanbu, that would drive me insane.

Agree with suggestions re: muting the calls.

If you want to have less contact you’re going to have to respond less and go through the awkward “are you ok / I’m worried” stage by leaving it a few hours or whatever and then breezily saying yeah I’m fine. That’s the only way they’ll get the message.

Be honest in advance so that you can wean her off needing you but without worrying her.

“Next week I have a really busy week at work and will not be able to answer my messages straight away”.

If she does panic - “remember, I told you I was busy at work, so that you wouldn't worry”.

Lengthen slowly the time it takes you to respond.

Repeat until you get to something that works for you.

You text your friends a few times a day?!

This is good.

Short, one word replies.

Mute.

Say you're busy you'll call / message when you're free (and don't be free)

What do your parents do with their time?

So you tell them that the boss is clamping down on personal phones at work and you will check for messages when you get home.... and put them on mute. Then she wont have to worry about not hearing from you!

Then once they are used to that, miss a day.... build up... you are busy, you have a life of your own.

Boundaries... even with relatives.... boundaries.

So you get 2/3 texts day? I sometimes get triple that from my mum, takes seconds to reply, makes her feel involved. I really dont see the issue. You'll be sorry when she's gone and you dont get those texts anymore!