Am I being dramatic to say I don’t want this much contact? At wits end

OP I feel you pain and my advice is to get a hold on this issue now as it will only get worse as they age. My parents are mid 70s and I wish I had put better boundaries in place decades ago.

My parents would both ring me a couple of times a day and expect visits a couple of times in a week. I said I couldn't take calls during work so would get calls from my man every day at lunch and at 5pm from my dad when he expects I have finished work.

Like you in the beginning when I started to ignore the texts/calls, I would get more checking I was ok. When they did this I would explain I was busy with work/children etc and was not able to reply instantly. Over time they accepted this.

I was no ok with the level of contact they wanted because both my parents are so negative and I would be emotionally drained afterwards.

Please ignore the guilt tripping messages about how you will feel when they are dead. I know for my part I will be sad but also relieved as they have such a negative effect on me.

You’re not the only one! I live on the other side of the world from my adult children, I miss them and I thought it was showing them I love them though my DS has recently made it clear he does not want to hear from me every day & I feel sad but am respecting his wishes.

Be less good with the phone.

I couldn’t stand this level of contact from anyone!

I have a sibling but they are apparently ‘not good with their phone’ so are not bombarded as much as me. 👀
Sounds like your sibling has managed to put some boundaries in place there, so clearly it can be done!

Reply to one 'sorry really busy today will check in tomorrow' then ignore the rest and do a reply the next day? Start to slowly do that more and more, until you can get away with not saying it and just not replying and she assumes you're busy as you don't reply straight away anymore

Yeah, l mean everyone we know will be dead at some point. It's not a reason to put up with unwanted levels of communication.

"hi mum, I'm really busy this week so I'm only gonna be checking my phone for messages in the evenings - just warning you so that you don't worry. Looking forward to catching up on Saturday."

Tell them you've decided to stop being on your phone as much because you've read an article about how bad it is to constantly be addicted to scrolling on your phone or something.

a - be honest
b - tell her to get a job if she's so bored that she's messaging you all the time

And as someone with 2 deceased parents I find the 'you'll be sorry one day' posts Very Offensive. I loved my parents but I'm not crying like an idiot that I'm not getting messages from them every 2 minutes. That would have done my head in.

We set up a family WhatsApp which anyone can dip in and out of and it does the trick.

Manage expectations. Decide how often you want to respond (by text) and tell her you’ll respond that often and call her once a week.

I know it sounds hard- but be honest and say its too much.
Explain you need quiet time due to work pressures etc and if you have more time alone will be happier.
Set a phone date time 2xweek and coffee date once a fortnight.
Use that time to speak to them about what other hobbies or interests they are developing to manage their loneliness e.g. fitness classes, charity shop or food bank volunteering - as this is their time to build a new life and connections in the youthful part of their retirement.
Also, your sibling is being by nasty ignoring them and leaving it all to you/ in your shoes this behaviour is what would be making me angry.

This is not true for everyone, even if they're close

And then some!

Parents are taking the piss.

Speaking as someone who lost their mum many years ago (before mobiles!) I hate that response

'Put up with it because you'll be sorry later'

No, you won't. You can have a perfectly normal relationship communicating a few times a week not a few times daily

I don't even understand what she would have to text you about if she already sees you twice a week, is she someone that indulges in banal small talk?

Just say sorry mum but I'm starting to find it too much can you stick to one a day please.

I used to have this with my MIL. The final straw where I couldn't do it anymore was 14 messages before 10am when I was trying to get out of the house with a toddler and baby. I had to be mean and just reply less. I didn't ever say to her I just stopped replying as much. They did drop off. I think my sil bears the brunt now! I now have a couple of messages a week

This is the way to go.

You could add in that you are going to take this opportunity to detox SM wise.

Tell them your work has implemented new policies re mobile phone usage & you will no longer be able to respond during the day.
Therefore, as mornings are busy & rushed, you'll only respond during the evenings but remember DC do activities on Mon Wed & Thu and you go to gym/ book club/stitch & bitch Wed & Fri.
You're sorry it means they'll be less contact but you can't afford to loose your job & the change is because some people spend ages on their phones not working.

Tell them that you won't be replying to texts all the time from now on because you're dialling down use of your phone, and expressly say that they don't need to phone you or panic if they don't get a reply, because your phone is overwhelming and you are taking time away from it.

Set up a voice message to say your busy and probably won'tbe able to respond to messages until the evening. Ignore texts until the evening.

There's no need to lie.

Just say I'm getting a bit overwhelmed with the amount that you message me...

but don't expect her to message you any less and then reply to her in the evening or even every other evening.

Then when she calls you all worried. Say I'm fine just because I don't reply doesn't mean there's anything wrong...I've already explained that I feel under pressure to reply quickly. And then continued until it all sinks in.

It's like ripping off a plaster it will be hard at first but then the pay off will be that you eventually don't feel harassed....either because she messages you less or that you feel more OK about not replying so quickly.

She needs more in her life and that will take time even if she's willing to change that.

Don't believe the bollocks posts about "one day your mum will be dead." Ludicrous response.

Can you just not be honest? It sounds so suffocating.

Tell them you will talk to them once a week on the phone and see them once a week or afortnight?

I wonder if there is a way to set up an auto reply saying “Hi Mum, alive but busy, will reply later xx”

Obvs an auto-response would still work if you were dead but maybe it’d take her a while to work that out, by which time she’s weaned off the constant interaction?

Your mom needs a new hobby or activity. Seems like she isn't adjusting to retirement that well. I would do what others have said, sit her down and clearly thay you are doing a bit of a day time digital detox and won't be checking your phone till a specified time in the evening and then mute her messages/calls. You might have loads of missed calls and messages but that is her decision to keep contacting you after you've explained. It sounds like a habit she has got into that needs breaking. I think only being available to meet once a week is also fine. You can only control your behaviour. Not hers.

Create a family chat instead.