FFS how does exH keep getting girlfriends?!

I hear you @Lotty101 but I also don’t think low self esteem is as big a factor as one might think.

these guys aren’t treating women badly at the start.

of the women I know who have ended up with one of these blokes, many of them are confident and have high standards. That’s what makes them vulnerable because these guys are very charming and are actually very different from your average emotionally reserved bloke. These are women who are usually holding out for the big romance rather than going for the usual reliable ‘average joe’

They will definitely put a dent in women’s self esteem, once they realise they’ve been fooled.

I agree that if women stay in it long after the romance has faded, there’s possibly a self esteem issue. But actually- sounds like these women get rid as soon as Prince Charming turns into a frog.

I guess this is why he "keeps getting girlfriends" as he can't fool them for long and they move on!

Guys like this know how to latch onto a type. They find women who are struggling with self esteem (i.e they may have a good job but maybe have always felt rejected in relationships) and they latch onto that and play the "oh I can understand this, my ex did x,y,z" and the women see someone who "gets them" because they have also been hurt and feel safe because of the false assumption "he wont hurt me cos he knows what its like to be hurt". Unfortunately too many women fall for it - when you spend as many years single as I did you learn from watching others in their relationships and see things you just don't pick up on otherwise. My first rule for meeting someone was "if the ex is described as crazy as reason for relationship not working run a mile" it's a good rule to have. But I also know in my 20s I'd have fallen for it. Also some women will just take any man for the sake of having a man. You had a lucky escape. Current girl will figure it out in her own time.meanwhile if she tries talking to you in public tell her you're not interested in her parenting opinions since she feels safe to have her kids around a man with drug convictions and she can mind her own damn business!

Is your ex hubby and my son's dad the same man? Because that is him to a Tee!! Only exception is he can't stay committed long enough to marry anyone!

Your post is incredibly nasty, and ironically it’s people like you who perpetuate the myth that women are to answer for all the problems in a relationship. Often abusive men are very charming and it’s common for the mask not to slip until after they’ve had kids.

as his first victim, she had no previous to go on.

I don’t thinks the OP needs a verbal kicking from you. We all make mistakes. Including you.

and as the OP has pointed out, she was very young and had no history to go on.

@RealHousewivesOfTaunton ive noticed a pattern with my cocklodging ex. He went through a lot of girlfriends before finding one 18 years younger than him.

he is now very well practised in hiding his red flags. She thinks I’m an evil bitch of course. But over the years he has become much more subtle in his lines of attack towards me.

i think he’s probably just a better liar now

Many of these women go from bastard to bastard and end up single in their 40s complaining that there are no good men around.

There were plenty. You spent 20 years walking straight past them. They are all settled down now and busy being good husbands and fathers.

It was supposed to be a light hearted comment 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

There are kids involved it's an ongoing issue they want to talk about? You can be over the man and still be pissed off you have to deal with the behaviour

(Many) Women love a bastard. These men never go short.

I don’t see what’s unfair at all?
I find it bizarre when someone has an ex that they are “so over” and yet still continue to post about even years later. It’s surely something you put down to a lucky escape and move on? That’s what I did??

I couldv written this myself about my sons dad. Seems all narcissist a-holes have the same redeeming qualities. Every woman my ex goes with is professional, sensible, has there own homes etc. he has nothing, is an alcoholic, doesn’t work ever, doesn’t pay for his kids, abused his current girlfriend and she still sticks by him. Yuk! Disgusting! Lucky escape for us I would say. All of his relationships are time limited he will never be happy

There is Clare' Law that you can use to access past history about domestic abuse. You request the information about a new partner and the police can disclose the information if there is any.

Bit unfair this is an ongoing situation clearly

Caveat Emptor

He sounds dreadful but I wonder why you’re so bothered and are still giving it enough headspace to write a post about him and his new partner?

It's just about looks. For all the 'personality is more important' talk, it us more of a bonus. The reality is someone average and a great personality will always be pushed aside for someone 'hot'. The average person will be dumped at the first sign of something not liked about them, the hot persons misdemeanours will be pushed under the carpet and accepted. Same for both sexes and seen it many times over the years.

Sorry, but I don't think it's desperation.

Some of the men I see on Jeremy Kyle are drug users, thugs, unemployed, uneducated, and rude.

Yet, if you go onto any dating app or dating website, there are huge numbers of completely normal and sensible men. Yet, these men have difficulty finding relationships.

So why is the rude unemployed thug more appealing than the man on the dating app who commits the unforgiveable sin of... posing with a fish?

That's not desperation. There is clearly something that is more appealing about those men than Joe average.

Claire’s law will absolutely show up anything the police are aware of and feel is relevant. I did one on an ex once and I sat down at the police station to THREE full sheets of paper. He had zero convictions and none of it even made it to preliminary hearing as it was all no further action. They still told me what he had been accused of. They even told me about the time both him and his ex were arrested for drunken disorderly for being drunk and arguing in the street!

You only have to think back to Jeremy Kyle to see how desperate some women are 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

The script is something like:

Tell her she's beautiful and amazing.

Do 'romantic' things that are actually low effort such as buying roses or lighting candles and run a bath, but elevate me to a God of romance in her eyes.

Give her lots of physical affection and eye gazing

Put on the puppy dog eyes and tell her I'm a victim whenever asked about past relationships or issues. It was never my fault only you can understand. I am so nice they walked all over me 😓

Tell her I want to spend all my time with her because she's so incredible and we have a special connection so that I can move in with her

As soon as the bad behaviour comes out, the script re emerges

There's another thread where the op is raising valid concerns about her partner who is a lazy so and so. When asked what he contributes to the relationship she said running her a bath when she's had a hard day after work.

So many of us have been duped into thinking 'romantic' gestures such as buying flowers and chucking some petals in a bath equates to love. No it doesn't. Turning a tap on and buying some flowers with your petrol order is the easiest thing to do in the world. It takes no imagination or effort but women will swoon and forgive all manner of behaviour so they can parade their bunch of roses on facebook and tell themselves they are special.

Men like him are laughing at us. They know the script that many women will fall for every time.

Why on earth are you discussing your children, exes, alcohol and drug use with his current gf?

It's none of your business. Let her figure it out for herself. Or are you going to chase him around every relationship warning the next gf? If you keep your nose out, likelihood is they will keep their nose out and stop telling you how bad a mother you are.

OMG that is such a brilliant idea!

This exactly.
He didn't just become that person after leaving you. He was always that person. You just didn't see it at first either. You had children with him, so presumably spent a lot longer in a relationship with him than some of these girlfriends.

Stop judging the women. They too will get burned by him.

Why or how is his current gf contacting you? Block her means of contact and move on ignoring her. A woman who feel the need to attack her current bf's ex is not someone with good judgment. So maybe that why this one is with him.

You are far too invested. Block and ignore. Deal with him only with regards your children and ignore provocation from elsewhere.

Exactly what I thought.