In-laws visiting too often - I have a 13 month old and a newborn

Your DH and his siblings are proper CFs watching you skivvy for them whilst also looking after two tiny children

Honestly I wouldn't even leave DH to host. He is part of the issue here with not growing a backbone to his siblings and saying no each time they text. Nope DH needs to just leave his siblings as he needs to help bath the kids, sort their bedtime routine all with you. The siblings will soon get the hint when there is nobody there to talk to or wait on them hand and foot. Then next time they text "sorry we've got to do bedtime routine for X and Y" if they turn up let them in and just leave them again to sit by themselves. Why are you doing all the heavy lifting of getting the kids to bed and doing the chores?

My sil did this 4 nights a week. Turned up empty handed and ate all my food and stole all my time.
I'd be so rude if I could have the time again.
I'd dump a pile of laundry to sort all over the sofa just before they get there- say sorry been looking busy, you'll have to help fold if you want to sit down.

Stop ALL food, even biscuits. Apologise everytime saying how busy things are with the baby. Hide the cooked dinner and plate up yours, then chuck in the microwave. Eat in front of them and say its just leftovers, your staving from running around with kids all day sorry nothing for them.

Then imagine you hear the baby and go and hide upstairs.

Everyone know the only acceptable time to visit someone with a newborn is in the day when invited and then hold baby when required . What's the point in coming in the evening. They are just stealing your time and energy. And dinner!

1)You need to stop actually hosting them, otherwise you're sending mixed signals.
Great that you've stopped making them dinner.
But give them jobs - ask if they want to unload the dishwasher or fold laundry since you're on bath duty.
Don't make tea or coffee.
Just go about the routine like they're not visiting.
Then be EXTRA hospitable when they are there when you've agreed it - offer alternative slots which DO work for you, and reward that by being a good host.

2. And above all.. your partner should be messaging them the same thing! It's mad to impose on a family with 2 under 2. He should be gate keeping his parents.

3. You also need to break this routine to reset. A bout of illness where you're not up to visitors could work wonders.

Just tell them that is not convenient for you and offer another day/time.
Who says they get to come whenever they are free? Even if it means you're busy?

Imo bath and put your dc to bed as normal. The time they arrive isn't best for your dc. Tell them that.

You need to get your h to either come up with set days or for him to say “Not tonight but tomorrow will be great”
Definitely not unreasonable to not offer food- if they want to eat with you and the kids then they need to come earlier to fit in with the kids’ schedules.

I notice that you say you are busy with the evening chores when they arrive - do they come to see your h rather than the whole family ? I’d find it awkward chilling while another family member was cleaning etc but that’s normal in some households.

Your DH needs to stop being pathetic and speak to his family and tell them it's not convenient. He needs to support you and he needs to stop being a wimp.
It shouldn't be down to you to manage his family and he needs to step up.
YANBU but please ask your partner to start behaving like a grown up and a partner and a parent rather than a doormat.

This is disrespectful and controlling

Absolutely get dh to host. Also they might feel they are putting him out as he is having to do 'women's work' so will either muck in or visit less often!

I would also ditch the desert. You need them to see they are inconvenient. Let DH make their tea, carry on with what you need to do. But DH needs to take control of this not leave it to you - that makes him as bad at adding yo your workload as they are in my view.

But they don't feel embarrassed do they.

You are a Saint to have not said something op.

Good grief my children are much older than that but will never forget how hard tiny children are. They sound awfully oblivious.
Who on earth accepts dinner from a parent of a newborn.

I would just cheerfully say sorry but you don’t have a scrap of extra energy for hosting and it’s not a good time.

Omg absolutely not!! OP, for your own sanity and the sake of your marriage, you have got to shut this down immediately.

Start going to their house instead at random inconvenient times.
They're so rude!

Sit them down with DH and explain you are juggling a lot and you love to see them but need to agree a better time for their visits. Or perhaps you can go to them every other time? Whatever works best for you.

Don’t be afraid to set a boundary. Also, your DH is letting you down by adding to your stress like this. But if he’s too scared or lazy to speak up then you absolutely should.

Don't offer them dinner.

Start asking them for help..."oh I'm just about to bath baby, can you help eldest get PJ's on and brush teeth, read story etc''

You are not being unreasonable at all but this situation needs to be handled sensitively as they are your husband's parents. Caring for 2 young children is extremely hard work and you aren't in a position to cater for them also. Could your husband tactfully suggest a pre planned time?

Tell them that if they want to come at dinner time, you need more notice.
Alternatively, give them jobs, like bathing the babies, or cooking.

Don’t text, pick up the phone then there are no excuses