Urgent advice possibly have a grandchild

OK, so they just need to arrange that between themselves, who is paying for it and move forward with a realustic plan if he is the father.

You'll have to do one of the tests online. Research a reputable company and order one

Dont do this.

For the courts you have to go to a clinic and have ID documents and they can confirm who you say you are - same for the baby. They test the mother as well should she bring a different child tot he clinic.

Mother has to be onboard - and agree tot he testing.

Why don't you and your son see if she wants to meet up. He can ask her if she would like him to take a paternity test and say that if it's his baby he is happy to help, contribute, be part if their lives if that's what she would like. He can't do a paternity test without the babies dna, if it is his baby and she would like him involved they will need to discuss that and be realistic. He can ask her why she has only just told him and take it from there. If she isnt interested and refuses he might be able to get the court involved but that may not be in babies best interest if it causes anger, resentment and hostility between them for the rest of their lives.

A fair few Jeremy Bile DNA tests came back as “ You are not the baby’s father “

Hopefully OP’s son won’t be the father.

It will be far easier on him
if not.

Some of the men on Kyle were devastated when they weren’t the father of a child they had raised as their own.

Does the girl want to know who the father is, have they discussed getting a paternity test with a sample from him and the baby. Does she want him to be involved in bringing up the baby

If you get a DNA test and you want it to be recognised by the Courts you need to go through one of the accredited labs. Random internet ones won’t be accepted if you’re seeking to rely on them.

Accredited List

There's information here about DNA tests that are accepted as accurate and verifiable for court use if needed

www.gov.uk/get-a-dna-test/if-youre-getting-a-test-to-use-in-court

You need the mothers permission though don't you?

I'm a divorce lawyer. I use Lextox for all my testing.
You don't need an order to get a dba test.

What comes over is your emotions about the possibility (and excitement?) of having a grandchild.

That wouldn't be the way I'd write this post.

It's not about you even though some of your DNA may be in the child.

I think we can all understand your emotions but you are outside the circle, which is your son, the baby and the woman.

It's also relevant where they live because if it's not the UK the law will differ.

There are too many unanswered questions here, such as why this late revelation, what are the mum's motives, how would contact work and does she even want contact with someone who wasn't in an exclusive relationship with her for the next 18 years?

You ask for practical advice only but that's being a bit blinkered to the emotions.

Had tests done through Alpha Biolabs for a court process recently. They were incompetent on 2 separate occasions and failed to get enough sample to actually test, despite there being plenty. When we complained they wouldn't even refund us fully. Cost us hundreds. I would not deal with them again.

OP should also bear in mind that unfortunately these companies are mainly used to dealing with people through the courts and via social services and local authorities, and so their customer service just isn't really aimed at individuals. One straight forward DNA test should be relatively easy, but one you get into hair samples, blood, and varieties of things it gets very more complex and the companies make more mistakes in their admin side of things. Especially when time is off the essence as it often is with custody/child access cases.

Is he in touch with the girl, has he told her that he will support her if she wants and the baby is his. He needs her permission to do a dna test, it has to be from him and the baby. Does she want anyone involved

While there will be many emotions swirling about, at this stage, it's about being a bit methodical maybe even a bit detached. Understandably the mum and your son may struggle here, so if you can take that role, it will help.

i) You say mum and baby live far away - is that near the University? Is she originally from your area and still has connections there? Is it a third area altogether, UK or not UK? This will help establish how easy it is going to be to coordinate the test and, for the future, how easy it is to coordinate visits/co-parenting.
ii) is the Mum open to a relationship, did she reach out to him? Or was it someone else, and actually, she doesn't want him involved or any communication with him? Or she may only be looking for financial support. This isn't about judgment; it's about understanding how cooperative she'll be in terms of the test and any future relationship for both him and, indeed, yourself
iii) what does your son (and you) want - and can - offer? Again, no judgment; if she lives far away logistically, what could work? How does this look at different times of the year - when he's at University vs term breaks vs working? What kind of pattern is logistically possible? Remember there are a couple of years where the baby is very young so logistics may be more challenging, at the same time as couple of years of study before your son starts work - both of which needs to be countered with the importance of bonding in early years. Just remember that irrespective of whatever is agreed upon now, it is likely to change as the baby grows up and your son finishes studying, so encourage your son to keep things open and flexible.

Start with the test, administered through a GP if in the UK as suggested above; if outside the UK, it very much depends on where some countries are more rigorous on procedure than others. If its a country that is less rigorous it may be worth a trip out to get the test completed (again, subject to all the stuff above about logistically whats possible and what the mother wants)

Do you and your son live in the UK?

Reason I'm asking is that UK unis finished for the summer a long time ago- some almost at the beginning of June (though there could be a reason why he's only come home to you now.)

The reason for asking is because obviously if you don't live in the UK and his ex girlfriend does / doesn't will make a big difference to how much he can be involved with this child.

It's slightly odd that he's only found out about the baby now, after it was born- don't you think?

Why has the woman only just told him? She must have known about her pregnancy for months and presumably they weren't seeing each other then.

Is she money-grabbing? Is she asking several men to 'pay' for support? And hoping one will without DNA evidence?

If this relationship is over- which it appears to be - and was casual all along, you have to accept that his mum may want nothing to do with you or him (and he'd need legal proof of being the father.)

But you seem to be jumping the gun and wanting to 'adopt' the grandchild as part of your lives, without accepting that even if he IS the father, it's long road ahead to be involved with a child who's in another country.

'Proving' he is the father is only the very first step in what could be a long road. Even though legally he may be allowed access to the child, the mum's wishes and where she lives are also valid. it would be very difficult for the child to maintain contact for decades if that's against her wishes - even if legally he has a case.

@Candystardaisy87 CellMark are also government approved and courts also use this company too.

£324 on their website and next day turnaround

CellMark do DNA tests and they are who the CMS (child maintenance service use)
I think it's about £250 - you can check their website.
It can be done at a GP near to your son / the mother of child & child can do it near where they live.

Alternatively - she could go to the CMS and name your son as the father and then he could dispute it and have it done that way.