Urgent advice possibly have a grandchild

The mum is contacting all the men she's had sex with because she's hard up and wants child maintenance. She clearly didn't give a moment's consideration to the trauma this could bring to 3 (or more) men and waited until the baby arrived when she realised she had no money.

We dont know what contraception she/they were using but I think she should have some idea of who the father might be, unless she was having sex with 3 men in very quick succession.

I feel sorry for your son as this woman doesn't come over as considerate .

@Candystardaisy87

Is there someone who can help her with what she needs in terms of accommodation and money, OP?

You say that she has no money and I'm concerned that this means that she and the baby have nowhere to live.

OP Respect to you and your son

I don't even think he needs to have a court approved dna test right now. Any dna test would show if he is the father or not, if court was needed down the line, it could surely be redone with the original as supporting evidence.it sounds like she is open to testing, contact and support. Keep everything friendly make a plan once results are in.

Yes!

I’m pretty sure that she can just go to her local GP.

Social workers frequent the adoption board I would move your post to that board for correct advice from people who know.

Your poor son must be all over the place, having this bombshell dropped upon him. He sounds like an absolute credit to you and you sound really supportive which is what he needs. I hope you get some answers soon OP.

Not of course at all….it wasn’t clear in your OP. Is the mother willing to assist with the DNA test?

Genuine question- what happens if the mother refuses to have the DNA test done.
Se cannot put the man’s name on the birth certificate without him being present as they aren’t married.

Would this then have to go through the courts ?

I am commending you and your son for wanting what is in the best interests of the baby and mother; that is something that cannot be assumed or taken for granted( I talk from experience). I haven't read any of the posts knocking the parents, don't want to either; shame on those who have done so

So many harsh replies!

Your DS sounds like he is doing the right thing. Getting a DNA test should be fairly simple as the ex is open to it, just make sure it is a reputable one and take it from there.

And let us know the results as I am now way too invested in the outcome 😂

I don’t know why people are being so harsh with you, OP. Of course you and your son want to know if he’s the father, and it reflects well on him that he’s dealing head-on with the situation.

@Candystardaisy87 I’m sorry that I can not provide any useful advice about DNA testing etc. I just wanted to say that I think some have given you a rough ride on this thread.

As the mother of teens myself, I think you to doing the absolute best thing in helping your DS navigate a really tricky situation. I wish you all the very best.

Well said @Fifiesta

I so wish that A) Posters would read the OP properly, followed by the updates.

                  B) Make a genuine attempt at putting yourself in the position of the people concerned, unexpected difficult news happens, and when it does, all we can do is try to navigate our way through it, thinking clearly, getting advice, and behaving as calmly as possible.

                  C) Really wish it was mandatory for posters to have initials of country they live in next to username. It would save so many misunderstandings in threads about laws etc.

OP I hope this can be resolved by the families concerned with grace and cooperation.

You're getting so much stick on here from people who either have poor comprehension or are projecting feelings on to you. I think you and your DS are being very sensible about this.

Wow op some of the replies on this thread!!!

As someone who's been there. I was 39, son was 18. We only found out a few weeks before baby was born because mum didn't want her family to know so kept the secret all to herself

I paid for a dna test. We swabbed inside babies cheek, swabbed DS's cheek, I think I paid around £300.

Result was very clear and took a few days,

You'd have to travel to baby.

I think you're doing the right thing, don't worry about any other potential fathers, that's on them if they want to pay for a dna test,

We inevitably didn't want to fall in love with this little baby boy if he wasn't ours, he is ours, and I think once we met him we knew, he had a few distinct family features, he's 4 now and I have a great relationship with him and his mum!

Becoming a grandma at 39 was a shock

But now I find it amusing when I tell people ima grandma 😁

Also, ask her if she has named a father on the birth certificate. You'd be surprised!

If your son is the father, for parental responsibility, he needs to be attached to the birth certificate. This is what the C63 will do in part.

Is the mother open to a DNA test?

If so, arrange this first. Cellmark are court approved www.cellmark.co.uk/dna-testing/paternity-dna-test/

Get the DNA test witnessed for integrity. A GP will do this or a Solicitor.

Then, once you have the results. Make these 2 applications to the court:

If you want a spend time with arrangement, make a C100 application.

Your son, if he is the father, needs to make a C63, a Declaration of Parentage application to Court. File your application with the DNA test and integrity document. Then, wait to hear back from the Court. You can file the application as urgent. The court will decide if it's actually urgent or not and list a hearing accordingly.

If you follow the Gov.uk link upthread and go to the getting a dna test for court page they list companies that they accept so I'd look into using one of those which you arrange yourself. Once that's done they can all move forward.

I've never once said that I want to adopt the baby!

I didn't say you did. You've misread.
I wrote 'adopt' - inverted commas. There is a difference.

Using commas was to show it was as if you want a lot of involvement as a grandparent (look at your subject line.) Your posts give the impression this is about you and not just your son.

So you've spoken to the woman? Did your son set that up for you? How did that conversation go?

Your son could be moving this forward and googling to see what his rights and responsibilities are as a potential father. He could also search for the DNA testing info.

If he/ you want advice there needs to be a fuller picture of what's happened.
Have the mum's parents put pressure on her to discover the father - for money?

Why has she only told your son now, after maybe 6 or 7 months of knowing she was pregnant and, presumably, they had no contact?

Although it's admirable on the one hand to be supportive financially, it's also a moot point if the woman wants him involved in her life with her child. The sheer practicalities of him being a student , unwaged, only 19, living a long away from her, make it all very difficult.

How did he find out? Is she contacting 'random men' she slept with? Did they use contraception and how high a chance was there of it failing at the time?

You're not endearing yourself to poster by calling them jerks. Most of us are trying to help, but leaving out the emotion.