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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel Uncomfortable Continuing This Friendship.

61 replies

Molone · 09/08/2024 21:15

I have just discovered that a friends husband went to prison a few years ago for sexual offences he committed when he was a teen.
My friend is lovely, kind and a great Mum so it’s come as a surprise to me that she married and then went on to have children with someone who had been found guilty of this.

AIBU to step away from the friendship? I guess it’s kind of changed my opinion of her even though I know that she herself has done nothing wrong.

Or am I just being too judgy?

OP posts:
Original poster
Molone · 09/08/2024 21:41

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 09/08/2024 21:37

He committed the offence as a teen & only went to prison a few years ago? How old is he now? How long did he spend inside? What did he do? Sleeping with his 15yo girlfriend when he's 16 is a bit different to abusing a five yo for example. Is he on the sex offender register? How old are his kids? Did he have them before or after he went away? Far too little information given

Sorry I will try to answer the questions but trying to not be too outing.
They were historical offences, so the victim reported the events to the police a few years after the crimes were committed. He was 15 she was 11 and his brother also went to prison for offences against the same girl.
He was given two years imprisonment and ten years on the register.

OP posts:
Maria1979 · 09/08/2024 21:39

I think that at 15 you're still a kid and we dont know how it happened: was there violence involved, were they "dating" (if he was immature)? He was an adolescent and is now a man, a father. I would keep the friend but not having my daughter over for sleepovers...

Justcallmebebes · 09/08/2024 21:39

AtlasPine · 09/08/2024 21:37

Given you have no idea what 15 year old him went through I would suspend judgement and make your own in time based on what he’s like as an adult.

This

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 09/08/2024 21:39

Sorry, cross posted!

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 09/08/2024 21:37

He committed the offence as a teen & only went to prison a few years ago? How old is he now? How long did he spend inside? What did he do? Sleeping with his 15yo girlfriend when he's 16 is a bit different to abusing a five yo for example. Is he on the sex offender register? How old are his kids? Did he have them before or after he went away? Far too little information given

AtlasPine · 09/08/2024 21:37

Given you have no idea what 15 year old him went through I would suspend judgement and make your own in time based on what he’s like as an adult.

Original poster
Molone · 09/08/2024 21:34

Bellatrixpure · 09/08/2024 21:30

If you’re not comfortable then of course step away. Do you know what the offences were?

He was found guilty of indecent assault, he was around 15 and the victim 11. They were historical offences.

OP posts:
savethatkitty · 09/08/2024 21:33

So many variables.

Who he was then doesn't necessarily indicate who he is now. As the saying goes, he's done his time, paid his dues.

Up to you...

Bellatrixpure · 09/08/2024 21:30

If you’re not comfortable then of course step away. Do you know what the offences were?

Original poster
Molone · 09/08/2024 21:27

maplemaplesyrup · 09/08/2024 21:20

Depends a bit on what the offences actually were. How did you find out?

Through a mutual friend.

OP posts:
maplemaplesyrup · 09/08/2024 21:20

Depends a bit on what the offences actually were. How did you find out?

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