To Feel Uncomfortable Continuing This Friendship.

I wouldn’t cut her off but I wouldn’t let him be near your children in any setting: and I would watch his children for signs of abuse quite closely.

i have personal experience. You need to ensure he’s not passing down inappropriate behaviours to his own kids.

Very harsh, we don't know the facts and he was a minor at the time

If she's your friend and is completely innocent then don't step away and punish her.
If he presents a risk then only meet her away from the house and don't do joint things.

Um, to all you rape apologists, even if it was a "relationship", an ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD can not consent to sexual activity. That's not even a teenager. That's a child barely out of primary school, if at all. The age gap between 11 and 15 is huge. If your 15-year-old doesn't understand he shouldn't molest 11-year-olds, then you've gone very wrong with your parenting.

I would be stepping away, it is irrelevant that he was 15.

Your friends husband now has a life, who knows what kind of life his victim has. Whilst survivors of sexual abuse can have fulfilling lives many that are sexually abused especially as children end up with many issues.

No he isn’t - he was under age too.

I think it’s a very natural thing to do. I wouldn’t stay friends with a woman who supported a convicted sex offender. I wouldn’t visit their house or want my kids to. That’s a very normal and natural response. Self protective rather than controlling.

I think for me it would affect any friendship. It seems to me almost saying would you want to be friends with someone who upon discovering their other half was a sex offender, remained in the relationship. When they had no children and were not married at the time.

I was one of those saying he was only 15 IF we were talking about an immature 15-year old being in a relationship with an 11 year old and no violence was involved. Doesnt make it ok but less despicable. Clearly this was not the case in OPs story neither in yours.
Rape can take place in marriages as well, there is never an excuse.
I am so sorry for what you have been through.

Sorry reread - his brother

I read it as his friend was abusing the friend's sibling already and then he got involved in that somehow?

I could not bring myself to ever speak to her again. That's horrific.

But how could you possibly know if he had a sister?

I doubt she would be round there for Sunday lunch, and he wouldnt be talking about a sibling he had sexually abused would he.

The chances are quite high that is was their sister, but giving her anonymity means it would not be reported.

I would definitely distance myself from the friend as they had children AFTER he had gone to prison.

With respect, I don’t see it as any of OP’s business.

OP is not friends with this man. If you want to cast out your friend based on who she’s married to, that’s your call, but it seems odd and controlling.

The fact 2 siblings paired up to do this makes me even more sick tbh. It is absolutely vile. I could not be ok with this. I'd never feel right around the friend.

your reply to mine is even worse.

he and his sibling ganged together to sexually abuse an 11 year old child.

im sorry but 15 is not an excuse.

This is shocking.
She is either a denier and / or enabler.

they are almost as dangerous due to their inability to see what’s in front of their face.

why would you even doubt yourself?

The fact she chose to have children with him KNOWING he is a paedophile and sex offender leaves me speechless. It’s one thing to pretend to yourself and do whatever with your own life… but to actively bring children in to the world with a convicted paedophile? It’s beggars belief…

She is a paedophile apologist. Absolutely I would walk away from the friendship and have done before.

Just wondering though are social services involved? Surely if he is on the register then them having kids is a huge risk?

We make judgements in order to keep ourselves safe. Judgments aren’t always a bad thing!

I have to disagree with the “he was only 15” comments. DDs ex-bf was only 15 when he raped her, as well as being physically and mentally abusive and coercive. We are still awaiting to see if it’s going to go to CPS, and he hasn’t been punished as yet. I have found it utterly disheartening that because they were in a relationship and some things were consensual with the way it’s been handled.

By the by, given what he has done I would need to know what my friend was planning to do. Did she already know about it? Is she planning on staying with him? Does she need support to leave? Having said that, if she was staying with him and supporting him I would likely distance myself.

I would distance myself and let the friendship die naturally. Certainly wouldn’t want my children anywhere near them. He’s an offender who may or may not still pose a risk, and she is an apologist for an offender.

I wouldn’t be happy being friends with anyone with a history like this. I think being “judgy” about people sexually assaulting an 11 year old is absolutely fair enough.

Sounds like it was quite serious, if he was given a two year sentence.

As others have said, if at 16 he'd slept with a 15yo, I wouldn't think anything of it at all. But doesn't sound like that's the case. Personally, I would distance myself. Judgy though it probably is.

You’ve already made up your mind - why are you second guessing?

Sorry but I would personally step away. Some crimes are unforgivable and people don't change that much!

@Molone Thats even worse they were together!!!

Honestly knowing this why did you come on here & ask the question??

She is not a good decision maker & I do not need that type of person around me and mine.

I most definitely wouldn’t have needed to ask this question on a public forum when the very first question I would be asking is whether this friend was aware or not!

I was thinking perhaps the friend wasn’t aware as you had left that piece of the jigsaw out.

Is this one of those stupid reverses you hear about on here??