Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abroad....Should have stayed at home

162 replies

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:42

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

OP posts:
Pineapplewaves · 09/08/2024 20:26

I'd be taking myself down to the entertainment bar, having a few drinks and enjoying the entertainment. Or go to the supermarket, get yourself some drinks and snacks and sit out on the balcony - you don't go all that way, to the lovely weather to sit inside.

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:26

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:22

Yes def use the free time to have a good old think. Ds will be gone soon . Can you see a life just you and dh . Make some lists. Pros and cons!!!!

I'm reading a book on my Kindle at the moment (only just started) Too good to leave to bad to stay...or something like that! They seem to advise against writing lists else that would have been my go to. Need to start procrastinating really after this. Thank you 😊 for your help though

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:24

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:21

Remember Shirley valentine! That you tomorrow except your ungrateful husband is in the hotel room 🤣

🤣🤣🤣!!!!!

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:22

Yes def use the free time to have a good old think. Ds will be gone soon . Can you see a life just you and dh . Make some lists. Pros and cons!!!!

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:21

Remember Shirley valentine! That you tomorrow except your ungrateful husband is in the hotel room 🤣

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:18

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:13

Are you in the room now. Poor you. It's more lonely being on holiday with people who don't want to enjoy it than on your own where at least you can do what you want. Go out for a walk and a drink . Pretend you're in a movie. I do this if I'm alone lol which I usually am now dc are older. You might catch someone's eye you never know. You deserve a bit of excitement. Maybe do some sightseeing on your own. Head off early. Or to the beach with a book. Feck them

Hehe! Thank you. You've cheered me up.I will make a plan to do this tomorrow and for the rest of my holiday (fortunately only here for a week), and then I think I need to start asking myself some bigger questions here. Difficult as I feel awfully selfish thinking of my own needs generally speaking but I think I'm going to have to start somewhere.

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:17

Oldmember · 09/08/2024 20:13

Yes had the same NYC. Went with DH for the first time and we were back in hotel by 6pm! He went sleep soon after as his folks old him, it’s dangerous to go outside after 6pm..
happens everywhere with him..

Wow what a waste!

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:15

Oldmember · 09/08/2024 20:13

Yes had the same NYC. Went with DH for the first time and we were back in hotel by 6pm! He went sleep soon after as his folks old him, it’s dangerous to go outside after 6pm..
happens everywhere with him..

Oh goodness. How do you manage? is he usually a bit boring?

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:13

Are you in the room now. Poor you. It's more lonely being on holiday with people who don't want to enjoy it than on your own where at least you can do what you want. Go out for a walk and a drink . Pretend you're in a movie. I do this if I'm alone lol which I usually am now dc are older. You might catch someone's eye you never know. You deserve a bit of excitement. Maybe do some sightseeing on your own. Head off early. Or to the beach with a book. Feck them

Oldmember · 09/08/2024 20:13

Yes had the same NYC. Went with DH for the first time and we were back in hotel by 6pm! He went sleep soon after as his folks old him, it’s dangerous to go outside after 6pm..
happens everywhere with him..

Portfun24 · 09/08/2024 20:05

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:56

@Portfun24 yes he is and there are some marital stuff going on there. I think I'll do what some have suggested go for dinner later not by their choice at 6pm and make my own evening entertainment.

Show quote history

Yeah I couldn't live like that and it sounds like you are struggling with it too. In a couple of years your son won't be coming away with you and itl just be you and him and you deserve to be with someone who has as much drive and passion to enjoy themselves as you obviously do.

Next year I'd see if there's a friend your son can bring, my daughters both brought friends and 15 year old is next year, their parents paid their flight and a share of their room or whatever. Made them have a much better time and your son will be more inclined to go out in the evenings, then maybe you can just leave your DH in the room.

I'd stay at the pool till later and go up have a nap when they go for dinner for an hour, then get ready and head out later on for dinner. Find a nice bar you like the look of and stick to it, when we were away last week we ended up in the same bar at the end of each night as it had different tribute bands, pool table etc for the kids and spoke to a young woman in her early 30s who'd come away herself and admired her.

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:04

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:00

And stop having dinner at 6pm that's for toddlers and babies. Feed ds if he's moaning and leave him in the room and go for dinner yourselves at somewhere a bit posh . Use the time to get back in touch with each other. If dh won't I think that tells you a lot sadly. Wish I was there I would go out with you OP😘

Aah @spanieleyes22 thank you. True. He isn't bothered about connecting, maybe neither of us are. Sad absolutely and probably paints a bigger picture as to where things are.

OP posts:
OneCoolPearlOP · 09/08/2024 20:04

YANBU to have been annoyed, if you had been misled. But it seems like this is a pattern.
My husband and I have many things in common but we're so different on holiday. He's more relaxed, have a drink, plenty of downtime and wandering about. Also a fussy eater. I prefer seeing the sights and yes, the food!

I'm lucky enough to be able to have more than one holiday a year, so I do my 'proper' trip with friends and chill city breaks with him. But if I had the resources for only one... Certainty wouldn't waste it on him!!!!

What expectations were set?

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:01

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 19:58

Have a look and see if there are any day trips or excursions you like do? You might get chatting to some people more interesting than your dh. Honestly I would question my relationship. Do you have nothing to say to each other is that why he won't stay out. Sounds like you're on hol with 2 teenage boys!!! Ffs your dh should be treating you and making you feel special . You could have some lovely date nights and drinks. It he prefers to sit in the room. Think I'd go out and find some friends tbh

@spanieleyes22 yes, as mentioned there are some marital stuff there and I suspect we've not a great deal to say to each other, other than usual ritual stuff. Nevertheless, here to make an effort. We've some trips booked over the next few days but you're right I should be made to feel special.

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:00

And stop having dinner at 6pm that's for toddlers and babies. Feed ds if he's moaning and leave him in the room and go for dinner yourselves at somewhere a bit posh . Use the time to get back in touch with each other. If dh won't I think that tells you a lot sadly. Wish I was there I would go out with you OP😘

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 19:58

Have a look and see if there are any day trips or excursions you like do? You might get chatting to some people more interesting than your dh. Honestly I would question my relationship. Do you have nothing to say to each other is that why he won't stay out. Sounds like you're on hol with 2 teenage boys!!! Ffs your dh should be treating you and making you feel special . You could have some lovely date nights and drinks. It he prefers to sit in the room. Think I'd go out and find some friends tbh

AtmosAtmos · 09/08/2024 19:57

There should be a balance but i don’t think any of you are wrong just want different things. Your DH should come with you sometimes in the evening walks etc. however there is nothing wrong with just doing nothing iron holiday where you don’t need to feel guilty about not cleaning or taking out the bins. It’s just not what you prefer so also go out on your own.

Drigante · 09/08/2024 19:57

That's rubbish. Is there any entertainment there? A table by yourself would not be the end of the world, though it's crap your husband can't at least put his phone down long enough to have a couple of drinks with you.

Maybe try a later dinner with more wine?

I think a lot of us have a horrendous holiday with teens being a pain but it sounds like that is not not your biggest problem here.

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:56

Portfun24 · 09/08/2024 19:52

That's absolutely crap, is your husband always such a bore? If there's entertainment on I'd just go down myself and have a drink and see if there's anyone you can chat to. Failing that I'd be telling my husband it's supposed to be a family holiday and it would be considerate for him to make an effort in the evening so you can enjoy yourself, keeping his wife happy is more important than reading a book.

@Portfun24 yes he is and there are some marital stuff going on there. I think I'll do what some have suggested go for dinner later not by their choice at 6pm and make my own evening entertainment.

OP posts:
AngelusBell · 09/08/2024 19:54

FloatyBoaty · 09/08/2024 19:50

Tell your husband and your son that you are getting ready to go out for dinner and will be leaving at 8pm (or whatever). Tell them you will be going with or without them, and if they wish to come that’s great. If not- so be it. Get ready. Pack a book or magazine for yourself into your bag. Go out. Have dinner. Read your book or whatever. Maybe go for a drink at a nice bar or in the hotel bar after. Sit at the bar, and chat with the bar staff, if you don’t meet anyone else you’d like to chat to.

When you get back, you very calmly and without being snide, go to bed. If asked, you say very neutrally that you had a lovely evening thanks. And the next night you do the same.

perhaps book yourself onto an excursion in the day? Look out for other single or small groups of women you might be able to hang out with.

Its not ideal, no. But you’ve got agency here- you can take control of your own happiness. They will either see that you’re unhappy and join you, because they love you and want you to be happy. Or they won’t. With a teen it’s to be expected. They are generally utterly crap on holiday 😂 I know I was. With your husband, if he’s content to leave you alone and won’t compromise - you probably have some thinking to do.

Edited

True - I’ve had some lovely solo holidays in the sun.

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 19:54

Honestly sun holidays don't suit teenagers. Book a city break next time or go with another family or have a hobby holiday where you combine it with doing something. Sun holidays are for people who love to chill. I know loads love them but they are not for me!

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 09/08/2024 19:54

Throw a tantrum OP! Tell them both that you didn't spend a fortune on a holiday to spend the evenings stuck in the room, or to go out on your own, so they're going to put down their phones, get changed, and you're all going out! Of course if you're happy for your DS to stay in his room, so that you can have some couple time, then just tell your DH that holidays are the time to reconnect with each other, and he can't do that with is head stuck in his phone.

Then next year, as PP's have suggested, go with friends, or have a completely different type of holiday, perhaps doing something that you have always fancied doing, (maybe an art holiday / cooking holiday etc.) but haven't because you thought holidays were about family.

Roselilly36 · 09/08/2024 19:53

That sounds really disappointing OP, and not the holiday you imagined. Can you speak to DH and say how you feel and find some resolution. It’s all of your holidays, there needs to be comprise so all of you have a lovely trip. Good luck

NeelyOHara1 · 09/08/2024 19:52

Why can't you do something now? As others said, go off by yourself. That might at least stir your husband out of his rut when he notices you're gone. Your son, I'd excuse. PS. You're definitely NBU.

Portfun24 · 09/08/2024 19:52

That's absolutely crap, is your husband always such a bore? If there's entertainment on I'd just go down myself and have a drink and see if there's anyone you can chat to. Failing that I'd be telling my husband it's supposed to be a family holiday and it would be considerate for him to make an effort in the evening so you can enjoy yourself, keeping his wife happy is more important than reading a book.