Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abroad....Should have stayed at home

162 replies

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:42

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 10/08/2024 13:39

If there is any entertainment (live music etc) going on nearby go to that. You won’t feel as self conscious as you might sitting in a bar because you’ll be focussing on the act. Likewise other people will be too and less likely to notice you. But in my experience, if people are going to react to you being on your own it will be friendly.

Your hotel reception may know where you can go. They may even be able to hook you up with an organised group booking for something.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 10/08/2024 13:05

How did it go last night op? Did you go out by yourself in the end?

Have you set the expectations for tonight?

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/08/2024 11:46

Those that say that “hate to dress up”

out of interest, why?!

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/08/2024 11:45

FunnysInLaJardin · 09/08/2024 22:38

Surely a glass or two of wine and Bridgerton on Netflix is the answer here?

Or maybe that just me...

@FunnysInLaJardin

its not the answer, no. OP can do that at home. She is in Lanzarote and wants to enjoy the weather and night life.

Wishitwasstraightforward · 10/08/2024 00:39

@Waterdrophead "Thanks for your advice. Can I ask, do you think my son could be picking up on thr difficult dynamics between myself and DH hence why he doesn't want to do a lot with us?"

It's a possibility OP, which I know is really tricky. You know the situation much better than me of course. Teens are capable of being tricky full stop, and IMO it's very normal that they have a stage of pulling away. So it may just be a normal teen thing.

But if things feel awkward or strained or the overall dynamic is flat I do think that kids often pick up on it. Seeing you make the best of your trip, and searching out things that make you happy (whilst being open to him joining you) will set out a great example to him regardless of the reason behind his behaviour.

friendlycat · 09/08/2024 23:51

That is really lousy for you. I love Gran Canaria.

I agree with others. Take yourself off for a quiet drink and try and enjoy the scenery and of being away. Quietly reflect on what you want going forward. But do try and make the best of your current surroundings whilst you are away as you’ve paid to be on holiday. If they want to be on their phones that’s up to them. But you even refusing to be dictated by their own decisions is your choice.

It’s sad that your husband isn’t even bothered about this. Good luck. Xx

Winter2020 · 09/08/2024 23:49

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:48

@twilightermummy they won't! I can't force them unfortunately. I have given them a piece of it and told them I didn't spend £xxxx to sit in a hotel room in a foreign country to look at my phone.

I would have to tell my husband that if he has no interest in spending time with me then we're done here because I am lonely and bored and will need to look for someone who does want to spend time with me. Speaking away from your son obviously. Teenagers are one thing but your husband is a grown man.

We spend too much time on our phones in my house but we didn't stay in on our holidays to sit on our phones. Fine if you all agree you want a night in to read books or phones and relax but every night - you are wasting your holiday and time you could spend together.

Normallynumb · 09/08/2024 23:25

How disappointing for you
DH and DS are doing exactly the same as they would at home!
Would DH go out for a drink with you? If not, take your kindle and have a glass of wine at the bar
It's your holiday too

Christwosheds · 09/08/2024 23:18

Gymmum82 · 09/08/2024 19:43

Go on holiday with your friends instead of your family

This !

Yellowcakestand · 09/08/2024 23:05

Where are you staying?

SamW98 · 09/08/2024 23:03

Cherrysoup · 09/08/2024 22:58

Holiday evenings are for finding nice restaurants and cool little bars. I’m horrified your Dh is just happy to stay in/be back by early evening. What a waste of money, you could do that at home.

Totally agree. Evenings are the best part of z holiday for me

Even when I went away with just me and DS when he was 12/13/14 we went out every night for dinner and found bars where he could play pool or other games against other kids and I could sit with a carafe of local wine people watching. We were never in bed before midnight

I would definitely be going to a bar on my own in the OP’s shoes. I’m not going on holiday for early nights and sitting in a hotel room.

Cherrysoup · 09/08/2024 22:58

Holiday evenings are for finding nice restaurants and cool little bars. I’m horrified your Dh is just happy to stay in/be back by early evening. What a waste of money, you could do that at home.

XiCi · 09/08/2024 22:50

Go out, have a few margaritas and shag a good looking waiter OP 😉

Fandabbydaisy · 09/08/2024 22:43

Book weekends away with your friends. Have some things to look forward to for you!

LindorDoubleChoc · 09/08/2024 22:42

Yanbu to not want to be married to someone who is addicted to his phone.

FunnysInLaJardin · 09/08/2024 22:39

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:56

@Portfun24 yes he is and there are some marital stuff going on there. I think I'll do what some have suggested go for dinner later not by their choice at 6pm and make my own evening entertainment.

Show quote history

Dinner needs to be 7.30-8pm really

FunnysInLaJardin · 09/08/2024 22:38

Surely a glass or two of wine and Bridgerton on Netflix is the answer here?

Or maybe that just me...

AbbeyGrange · 09/08/2024 22:26

Oh that's crap OP, half the fun on holiday is coming back from the beach and then getting ready to go out for drinks and dinner, it's your holiday too! Tell them there needs to be a compromise somewhere or else it's not fair, you might as well have stayed at home and watched the telly..

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 22:21

softsummerrain · 09/08/2024 20:31

It sounds like you’re really struggling to enjoy the holiday, and I completely understand why. You’re definitely not wrong to feel frustrated—holidays are supposed to be a time for everyone to enjoy, and it’s disappointing when you’re the only one making an effort to get out and do things.

In the short term, I’d suggest trying to make the most of it for yourself. Maybe find a bar with some live music or a spot where you can have a nice dinner and people-watch. You might find that you enjoy the time to yourself more than you expect. It’s also worth having a calm, honest chat with your husband about how you’re feeling. It’s important that your needs are considered too, and it’s okay to ask for a bit of compromise.

Looking to the future, maybe think about different types of holidays that might suit everyone better—or even consider taking a solo trip or one with friends where you can really enjoy yourself without feeling held back. It’s clear you love to get out and about, so finding ways to meet that need, whether on this trip or the next, is key.

You deserve to have a good time, and it’s important to address these feelings now so that future holidays don’t leave you feeling the same way. Enjoy the rest of your trip as best you can, and don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first sometimes!

This is true but I don't get why dh doesn't want to spend any time talking. Sounds like he is avoiding any kind of connection. Early dinner. Back to the safety of the room and the phone. Killing time til the holiday is over?

Sharptonguedwoman · 09/08/2024 22:21

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:48

@twilightermummy they won't! I can't force them unfortunately. I have given them a piece of it and told them I didn't spend £xxxx to sit in a hotel room in a foreign country to look at my phone.

Make a plan for an evening or day-a place to go, somewhere different to eat, Book a bit later, 7 or 7 30. Make an expedition. Have an adventure. The trick sadly is to work out where you want to go first, to avoid the 'I don't know' discussion. Next year, take a mate.

Maddy70 · 09/08/2024 22:19

What utter twats

Leave them. Go for a nice meal on your own. Order a delicious cocktail.

Have a Shirley valentine holiday

theleafandnotthetree · 09/08/2024 22:16

Oldmember · 09/08/2024 20:13

Yes had the same NYC. Went with DH for the first time and we were back in hotel by 6pm! He went sleep soon after as his folks old him, it’s dangerous to go outside after 6pm..
happens everywhere with him..

Fucking hell, I went with children and even with the time difference, jet lag etc we stayed out and about til af least 8 most evenings and a good bit later than that the last few nights once we'd adjusted. More like the City that Never Wakes Up for your husband 🙄

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 22:13

katepilar · 09/08/2024 21:55

You clearly have different ideas about how to spend holidays.
I wouldnt want to sit on the phone in a hotel room but I wouldnt want to dress up to go out in the evening (presumably to eat/drink) either.

What do you enjoy on holiday?

JudgeJ · 09/08/2024 22:11

Justrelax · 09/08/2024 21:59

I'd hate to dress up and go out to spend time with strangers. It sounds like your holiday expectations are mis-matched but one shouldn't trump another. You need to compromise.

I wonder if they chose the holiday together or it was just OP's choice and the other two were expected to toe the line?

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/08/2024 22:08

AinmEile · 09/08/2024 20:35

I would love this, peace, book, chilling after hopefully a nice day

Show quote history

@AinmEile

you miss out on so much though!