Abroad....Should have stayed at home

My husband and son can be a little like this. We are also abroad at the moment. We all come home from a theme park around 1pm and DS and DH decided that afternoon naps were in order.

I’ve been out by the pool with my book, sunbathing, swimming and enjoying 34 degrees.

A little later we’ll either all go out, or if they want to order a pizza to the condo and watch Forensic Detectives, then I’ll go out myself and get dinner, ice creams, do some shopping etc I’ll have lots of fun.

My son is 19, so perhaps I’ve had a little longer to acclimatise to what teen boys can be like and how their dads can and will go along with it. But I don’t see any reason not to absolutely enjoy myself and I’m loving it.

Op id encourage them to stay at pool/beach etc till 6pm and then announce that you are all going back to room for showers and put on evening clothes and going out for dinner at 7:30-8pm ish. Even if you need to buy them snacks to keep them going. Don't have dinner with all the toddlers at 6pm!

Them after dinner...... Beg then to take you for cocktails.

That is what I would do!

Yasssss!

Is there a nearby town you could a taxi/bus to one night? Gets you out the hotel and seeing new things and your teen might like to mooch around the shops for a bit. Sometimes they can be lured out with the promise of somewhere new. DH really needs to make more effort for
you. Really hope your holiday improves.

It does strike me that you are incompatible, and this holiday is bringing that fact into stark relief.

I would be your DH in this situation, in a sense. I am
very introverted and cannot bear bars, live music, drunk people etc. My dream on a holiday evening would be a quiet dinner with DH, then sitting outside somewhere quiet reading. Luckily DH understands this and is quite happy sitting outside a quiet bar watching the world go by while away with me (well he was, until we had children and now we just collapse in a heap of exhaustion after a day of entertaining them).

While I think it’s odd to want to be inside while on holiday somewhere nice, I don’t think what your DH is doing is inherently wrong. It’s more that it it negatively affecting your holiday experience and revealing potential relationship issues.

Short term solution; go out and enjoy yourself in your own way. Long term solution; a long chat about what you both want in the future.

I always feel like I don't know what I'm doing when I try to dress up.

My work is outdoors, my hobbies mostly involve a wetsuit. I feel comfortable and myself in casual clothing without makeup.

I feel like a fish out of water dressed up. Really self conscious and unsure. Wearing makeup makes me feel like a clown.

Prior to walking out last year EXH said he liked me as I was. He maintained that stance until after 18 years of marriage and out of blue he listed a catalogue of things he disliked about me including not dressing up or wearing makeup. He left the next day. Ouch!

I've tried makeup since he left but still feel ridiculous! Kind of wish I could get the hang of it.

So, in a nutshell, it's a confidence thing for me.

LOVE gran canaria! where are you staying? no matter actually, go out and enjoy yourself. why let them make you stay in and be miserable? life is too short?!

@SamW98 that sounds great, thank you for letting me know. I can see how a holiday with a half hearted teen / tween is good practise for a solo trip.

On their phones!? Have a nice evening walk at the usual time, then make an extra special effort to get dressed up and go and have dinner by yourself. Order a half bottle of wine and enjoy a main meal and two desserts (eg. one with chocolate, one with fruit). If hubby complains, point out the money is being saved anyway by him and son staying in their room and not spending.

I find it boring 🤣

But I live in trainers, shorts and a top. I make an effort with makeup (but even that's about 15 mins). I like to get ready quickly and he out. For me dressing up has always felt really faffy especially on a hot holiday.

I'm voting AIBU because holidays mean different things to different people. Their way isn't wrong but it's incompatible with yours.

Either you all compromise a bit, make the best of it for you (so go do some stuff solo) or have a holiday with some friends in future.

I went to Greece with a friend last year but got chatting to a group of women who were all travelling alone and said there was a FB group for solo travellers to the island and meet ups were arranged and individuals dipped in as much or as little as they liked.

Its nice to know there are groups like that even if it’s just for the odd evening or day trip.

Tbh after a couple of holidays with just me and DS when he was 13/14 I realised I could do it alone as he rarely cane out in daylight 🤣

@Waterdrophead your post has been in my head today. Hope you're doing ok, and today has been a better day x

@Chickenfriedriceismybestfriend I love this, and being almost divorced it means a lot to me.

ATM I have teens to holiday with, and luckily several friends who would also welcome a trip together.

Having said that funds are tight, and I'm mindful that by the time I can afford a holiday abroad I may be looking at going alone. It's nice to hear such positive comments about single travellers.

I hate dressing up, especially on hols. I'm normally so tired from the day I just want an early dinner and an early night.

Dressing up when the evenings are hot and sticky are just the worst. To be fair tho, I have awful IBS which generally ruins every holiday I go on as my stomach can't cope with the food. By about 5pm I'm in agony and my stomach is twice the size. DH is a complete night owl so he'll normally stay out with the teenage boys and I'll take my younger daughter back to the room.

It's been this way for 16 yrs and we both just have to compromise I guess 🤷‍♀️

Book an excursion or two to go on during the day linked with something that interests you; history/local food and drink/activity/boat trip/market? In the evening, get hold of a pack of cards and make your way to the bar after dinner and grab a table, with your husband and son and have a few games of cards while drinking and people watching. If they point blank refuse, go to the bar on your own with your book!

Because I'd rather spend my time doing something more interesting than hair and makeup? Because I don't want to lug a load of extra clothes and shoes on holiday and have them taking up space in the room and then lug them all back and have more washing? Because it's effort to take it all off at the end of the night?

We went on holiday with a couple and it took her 2 hours to get ready every single night. By that time we'd explored the whole hotel and area around, made some new friends, figured out where the amenities we were interested in were, had 2 cocktails at the bar, taken some lovely photos, planned the next day, and caught up with people from home via phone and message. She didn't look any different other than another dress, and I was bloody starving.

Do you have a circle of friends/family you could go away with either with Boring husband & Sullen teen or without?

if with sound out the females & make plans for evenings of long leisurely drinks followed by dancing the night away with husbands

if not make friends with like minded females & go on your own if hubby doesn’t like it tough titties he’s had ample opportunity to step up

I can competely see your point of view and i would be raging to be back in room at 8pm everynight. For the next trip, I think you need to manage your expectations in terms of what how the trip will go & compromise with your DH on the evenings out. Perhaps one night in and next night out. I think that's only fair. Also your DH needs to get off his phone and communicate with his lovely wife!

Is there any other family's you can ask to join you? Ideally so your 15 year old has someone to hang out with. He's probably missing his friends. Not all teens want to go to teen clubs.

As people said above, Perhaps go away with your friends on a separate trip for a weekend so you can get all dressed up and go out every night.
I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday!

I've had that problem........art yourself up, go down to the bar and enjoy a cocktail before dinner........hope you don't accidentally kick your husband in bed all night........as to your son, he's 15.. can't do anything about that - just wait and one day soon he will wake up a charming young man who is delighted to entertain his Mama of whom he is very proud!!!

Go with a friend! Tell them you are going on holiday to enjoy yourself and not listen to moaning and sit in the room all night!

Go to the bar by yourself and you’ll find people will chat.

A lot of women travel alone. Last year my friend and I got chatting to a lady in the pool bar in Greece who was on holiday on her own. She ended ok coming to dinner and drinks with us a couple of nights and also on a day trip to another island. People on holiday are usually very friendly

And we usually go out for the first drink and dinner about 8/9 not to bed

You are not being unreasonable at all. My DH and I have one DS aged 12 and holidays are what we live for. We would just be going out for the evening at 8pm and not coming home, holidays are precious and we all work so hard and you deserve and should enjoy your holiday. Holidays are for exploring, doing things out of your normal routine and enjoying each others company. I am sorry your holiday doesn’t appear to be that way, you deserve better. I agree with others, go to the bar by yourself, you will be surprised how many people you will end up chatting to and what a nice evening you will have 😃

I would just go out by myself and do my own thing. I stopped going on holiday with my DH years ago as he doesn't enjoy them and moans, no point paying for him. I quite enjoy my own company though, and find I can then get talking with new people.

Op if it means anything, whenever I've seen a solo woman out and about on hols I've always admires her rather than think it odd etc. Get out there and enjoy yourself, as others have said, it's your holiday too 🍹☀️