To think that couples getting married are overly criticised by other people?

I love a fun wedding. Where children are blowing bubbles and the brides actually genuinely having a good time not trying to squish in every guest as a must but where it flows nicely. Where the best photos are the organic photos after the walking the isle types.

Where there is fun actual fun. Where people’s feet are tired from wanting to dance and everyone’s ended up bare foot, some children are now in pjs/comfy clothes having fun rather than stuck in the princess dresses that are often uncomfortable all night long just for the pictures. The oldies putting the younger to shame on the dance floor showing off their moves rather then stuck in the corner table.

I've been to loads of weddings and loved them all! Either I'm really laid back or I have very considerate friends and family! I love the opportunity to catch up with people, have a day out of routine with my own family, and to see how it's all put together.

I can only think of a few complaints from all the weddings I've ever been to:

• at one, the venue was far too big for the numbers in attendance
• at another, the best man made offensive comments in his speech
• at another, the MOH turned up at the last minute looking creased, crinkled and generally disinterested

The last wedding we were invited to had a complicated rule about DCs so we sent polite apologies and a small gift and didn't go.

This! No one cares about or really pays much attention to the photo booth, the giant illuminated 'Mrs & Mrs' letters, the chocolate fountain, the chair sashes...
However they will remember that they were fed one warburtons roll with a small piece of dry pork inside after being at the reception for about 5 hours 😡 (yes I'm still bitter!)

In fairness, I've never heard all that much grumbling in real life or really grumbled myself except when the catering has been really poor. Personally I think guests should be properly fed and watered, taking into account the time of day and length of the reception.
This means compromises sometimes on the extras mentioned above or the number of people invited, but cutting corners on the food and drink is just a bit shit for the guests really so they're entitled to grumble!

That's why I don't go!
👍

It's only on Mumsnet though, isn't it?
I adore a wedding, and have never been to a disappointing one. Admittedly I have never been to one without a free bar or one where the food runs low.
I wouldn't accept an invitation to the evening 'do' as that kind of highlights you are not important to the couple, but other than that I have been to ceremonies of 12 up to 320 and everything in between, and loved every minute.
I don't understand why you would accept an invite if all you do is moan about the occasion.

But that’s the point why would you want to waste 20k on something you know damn well people are going to complain about or find dull or dusty and boring. Unless it’s genuinely your dream wedding and to hell with the guests your just wasting money.

You could do a wedding on so much less than 20k debt and it be much more fun and relaxed and enjoyable.

It’s the stuffiness of the perfect must be the social event of the year tick box Instagram wedding the marriage gets overlooked the fun gets overlooked for the picture perfect.

just be respectful enough to try to make the most of it given the 20k debt

What the actual........ this is utter insanity!!

Well you did ask, @DebateWithMoi We're just answering.
It does make you think though doesn't it? Why would anyone spend a fortune on their wedding and expect other people to spend lots of money to attend, when it's fairly clear that most people just go because they think they should. And don't really enjoy them

Ah, weddings on Mumsnet - where it’s considered tacky and ridiculous (and a sign you “just want the big party) to spend £20k+ on your wedding, yet at the same time want to have really good food and service, space, places to sit etc - the food is usually the expensive bit of the package.

they don’t want to go to a big wedding but then don’t want to be in the situation where they don’t know anyone. Also don’t want to go on a hen/stag do - which is usually where different friends get to know each other so by the wedding you do know more of the guests.

But the big one is the bit they don’t want to travel so the only way to have a good wedding is to stay living within a 5 mile radius of where you grew up, only marry someone from the same town and then marry in the town centre. Moving house and marrying someone from a different town is rude.

If people get into debt for a wedding, they have their priorities seriously wrong. That's nothing to do with the guests. It certainly doesn't command respect.

Only thing was one person (out of 120) made a fuss about the 'no kids' (she was also pissed I didn't ask her kids, who lived in another country and I'd met twice, were not bridesmaids).
Other than that everyone was delighted and couldn't have been happier for us.

@DebateWithMoi if the "happy couple" need to get into 20k of debt then they need to remember the difference between a wedding and a marriage!
Also I don't need to be at some dull, expensive event to speak to my gran or aunt.

People feel entitled to slag off something really expensive and difficult to plan

Yes of course they do!

Neither the expense nor the complexity are directly related to whether the guests feel well looked after.

And there is no reason to be "respectful" because of cost - think of cars, you might be buying a Skoda or a Porsche, but you'd still expect them to be roadworthy.

Dragged 2 witnesses off the street as well.

I spent my whole childhood, teenage years and twenties going to weddings nearly every spring and summer and sometimes 2 weddings a weekend! Festivities during the weekdays too. Parents dragged me - they are really sociable!
I hate weddings so much I got married in a registrar's office in the afternoon and went to work before and after. Told my parents months later.
I didn't care who was upset.

People moan about anything, doesn't mean much.

I think the issue is that for many, weddings have become a performance rather than a celebration, so the experience of the guests comes almost last when in reality it’s the most important if you want a fun joyful day.

I would prioritise easy travel, nice food, and free drinks over a spectacular venue because I wanted it to be fun.

I’ve been to weddings where we’ve been left in the scorching heat with one Pimms for two hours whilst the bride and groom have a load of self indulgent photos, where you get a single Paris goblet of wine during the meal but the top table were poured top ups constantly, ruinously expensive hotel bars where no drinks were paid for etc.

When you treat guests as props it’s no wonder there’s resentment.

I think the key issue is whether the couple have been thoughtful about the guests. E.g. if you want lots of photos, make sure the guests have somewhere to go and have some food/ drink while that's happening. Don't force guests to wait around for ages. Or consider whether an all-day affair is really necessary. Make sure there's enough food and that it's suitable for all the guests. Don't expect expensive presents. Basically, don't make it all about you!

I’ve been to two weddings where there weren’t enough meals. People had to go without.

One where you had to pay for drinks. I don’t drink alcohol anyway but it was a long day and they didn’t even provide tea or squash.

I find speeches cringe and there we two weddings where they played this weird game where they dragged the speeches out as long as possible while the guests are visibly wilting from hunger. I guess it was a ‘survival of the fittest’ type thing.

A few times the guests were clearly just props for photos.

DP and I always go for an all day breakfast before any wedding just to ensure our survival.

People used to get married, have a meal with their families and friends then everyone went home, there may have been a bit of a disco but now it's all about appearance. The wedding has to look just like some celebrity's nuptials without the realisation that the celebrity has very deep pockets and companies are falling over themselves to be associated with it!
I really believe that the cost of a wedding and the length of the marriage bear an inverse correlation!

In my opinion, if you’re having a wedding you need to take guests into consideration (that means budget, their comfort, whether they’ll need to take leave). If you’re not prepared to do that, elope.

A friend got married and they returned to their partner’s home town for the wedding. It meant a cross-country trip for us and a multiple night stay. That was always a possibility and travel and hotel costs for that wedding were reasonable and expected. My cousin, who has not moved away from home, 70% of their family live locally and their partner’s family all live locally, wanted exclusive use of a hotel so basically sent an invite with a line about call the hotel and pay for your room. Hotel costs were not expected for that and were unreasonable. Whilst I had to travel, I could have just stayed with a relative rather than having a two night stay in the hotel.

Whether these moans are reasonable or not depends on the scenario - consider a destination wedding to Italy. Scenario 1, one of the couple is from Italy, it’s reasonable to expect the wedding might be in Italy. Scenario 2, a couple from Bognor Regis wanting to get married in Italy for the gram and because it’s cheaper, not reasonable to expect everyone to pay to travel and accommodation. From the weddings I’ve been to like the first scenario, the couple have been really thankful that everyone made the trip and there was no pressure if you couldn’t. They hosted the weddings near accommodation including a range of budget friendly accommodation. The latter is usually pissed off that you can’t afford to attend, doesn’t thank guests for coming and it’s also likely involved a UK based hen do which was a weekend away and a 5 day trip to Europe hen do, and a bridal shower and an engagement party.

Mine was like that 😊
Ed to say as in our local church followed by knees up in a hotel.

Weddings used to be in local church or registry office, followed by a knees up in the church hall or local hotel. Everyone was welcome, including kids. Unless you were super posh. Nowadays everything is about location, or destination and the photos, and sod your family and friends and how much they have to spend/how far you have to travel.

We got married a few months ago and honestly we had so many friends and family say it was one of the best wedding they’ve ever been too (we done a civil ceremony rather than a catholic wedding and for a lot of guests they wouldn’t be used to that at all). It didn’t start until the late afternoon and there was food on demand, we loved it and thank goodness so did a lot of guests…..my husbands family found plenty of reasons to complain though!! You’re so right you can never please everybody.

I went to a lovely one where the happy couple arranged entertainment for the guests as they knew the photos would take ages.
But in general I think a lot of weddings are planned to 'look' good and aren't actually much fun to attend.
I like the ones where it's close family and friends just getting together to genuinely celebrate a marriage, but obviously that's not as straightforward as it sounds with family baggage.