To think that couples getting married are overly criticised by other people?

That sounds lovely

We ended up cancelling our wedding because we couldn’t deal with everyone my mum/mil constantly complaining about every decision we made.

• my mum insisting we needed a classic car to drive me and the bridesmaids 2 miles up to the church the cheapest one I could find was £750 and I vito’d that as a waste of money.

All I kept hearing was for the photos and that’s not how weddings are done. A bloody row over us not having soup. Every would be expecting soup as their starter!

MIL thought it was bad luck for DH to know the colour scheme/what the bridesmaids were wearing and I needed to change everything. We needed to invite 27 extended members of the family that neither of us could name. I pointed out if DH couldn’t name their spouse or know how many kids his cousin had, they probably shouldn’t make the cut over his friend he’s known his school… MIL said it was incredibly unfair that her side had to travel further than my side and we should find somewhere half way… we were getting married in our local church where we live. She then refused to come to the wedding as I was planning on using real flowers and she prefers silk flowers and she felt it was unfair that DH was always taking my side we refused to accept a penny off them.

The whole thing became tainted so we pulled the plug. Ended up eloping but that got foiled so ended up having a buffet in a pub after saying ‘ I do’.

I’m extremely bitter about the whole thing.

The only thing I’ve ever heard reasonable people complain about is when they are left too long without food or there isn’t enough food. And it’s a completely fair complaint.

People who bitch about many of the things on your list are just twats.

I think part of the problem is that attending a wedding is often quite a bit of faff and expense, and that the day itself can have boring waiting-around bits. I suppose moans / analysis / comparison is a convenient time-filler. I am also struck by the trend of some brides and grooms being (in my view) extraordinarily entitled and demanding in terms of the pressures put on bridesmaids, demands for ludicrous dress codes etc, so it can almost create the vibe that wedding guests are mere props for their photos rather than people they want to spend time with to celebrate a life-changing event... Perhaps some moans are deserved on occasion.

All that said, I do ultimately agree with you OP - the scrutiny and criticism isn't nice and I suppose it just further fuels the cycle of anxious brides and grooms over-spending and over-planning in a (generally doomed) attempt to satisfy or impress everyone. It's also incredible how entitled people can be over an event that is not about them!

I remember when I was still at school, probably about 1962, and my friend was talking about her sister's wedding the previous weekend, it had been 2/6 (12 1/2p) for a pint and her father was so angry!

I was once hurt not to be part of the wedding party of a friend, we had been flatmates for 3 years along with two others, the other two were asked to be bridesmaids and I was the only one excluded. I didn't moan about it to others but in hindsight I wish I'd made an excuse and not attended the wedding. It did make me reflect on the friendship in general and realise it wasn't the only time I'd been treated as the black sheep of the group and I quietly distanced myself from them.

But they are often boring and expensive for guests. Generally the more planning there is, the more tedious the weddings as there'll be more photos, a longer wait to eat, more formalities and a higher likelihood of sitting with strangers.

One of DH’s cousins who we really don’t like (long back story!) invited herself to ours then complained to me on the day that it was too posh!! It wasn’t overly posh, it was in the university chapel but not over the top fancy in any way!

Getting married used to be life changing. Literally starting a new life. It no longer is, but people still want it to feel as though it is.

I think the whole wedding thing is a bit out of control, but yes people should mind their own business.

However if you’re hanging around with people who bitch about other people a lot, then change who you hang out with.

The only thing I have ever heard anyone complain of is the cost of drinks at the bar - this was more than 20 years ago and said bar was charging £7 for a pint of beer, when you'd get change from £2 in the average pub.

I do agree with above. My advice to any couple planning a wedding is to take what the wedding industry says or implies is ok with a massive grain of salt. In some ways you should just treat it like any other social events, guests want to be fed, catch up with loved ones. That should be the starting point.

Its the best day of their lives

Which does rather suggest that it's all downhill after that

I don't think the size of the bill for the type of party and trappings you've chosen should be in any way related to what people think of the do.

And yes, things can and do go wrong, and whereas you'd never mention it in RL, it's fine to talk about it (in the abstract, not reminding people that XYZ went a bit wrong at theirs).

Not least because the same themes keep coming up - treat your guests well, respect that they have varying budgets and amounts of leave (so choose places that have good transport options and types of accommodation), feed them at normal-ish mealtimes, have plenty to drink, including soft drinks and tea/coffee at no more than normal bar prices, have enough places to sit down and quieter places where you can converse. If those are in place, then there will be little to gripe about.

But in a world where people choose venues in the arse end of beyond and next to no local taxis, try to shove people in to paying for their room in an accommodation package, have dinner at 4pm (I mean who is accustomed to eating a main meal then?), keep them hanging round not sure what's happening next, etc, then yes there will be grumbles. And for most of those issues, I see the hand of the wedding industry, telling people that it's OK to do those things. It's really not

I think the fact most weddings are planned with in an inch of precision and expense and spoken about for two years whilst th bride is run ragged - makes the whole day pointless!
It a huge money machine .

If you want to get married or sign a legal document - they book a room and get on with it.

We got married five days before Christmas with just 17 guests. All sat around one big table and had a Christmas dinner as our Wedding breakfast. Best. Day. Ever. ❤️

It's not something I've come across in real life, but I suspect that is because the people I am close enough to, to be invited to their wedding, are not the sort of people who would demand their guests wear certain colours, or any of the other bizarre things I read about on wedding threads.

I think the issue is that for many, weddings have become a performance rather than a celebration, so the experience of the guests comes almost last when in reality it’s the most important if you want a fun joyful day.

From what I read on MN, I'd agree with this.

Don't get me wrong, if, as a family, we've been to a wedding, it might come up in conversation later "I like the way they did the tables for the meal / cut and served the cake / the bridesmaid dresses / {whatever} but wasn't keen on the fact we'd been invited for midday but didn't eat until 4pm" sort of conversations. but that will be amongst ourselves, we wouldn't send a critique to the B&G.
However if talking with someone close, about their plans, I might sometimes say "Have you thought about X" if something about their plan makes me realise it is going to be a problem for Grandad or whoever.

Letting wedding guests get extremely hungry or bored by a long photo session is irritating, but I haven’t been to a wedding like that in many years. Most of us do not marry when we are young and so we have already experienced other peoples’ wedding pitfalls before we have our own.

I am usually pleased and feel grateful for whatever effort the couple have gone to. Most people are not professional event organisers and usually cannot afford a wedding planner.

I’m really selective about the weddings I go to now.

The majority of them are tedious for guests, especially when you’re in this season of life when there’s three or four a year to go to. Once you’ve sat in one hotel ballroom eating dry chicken and seen someone’s tipsy Aunty Brenda dance to Sweet Caroline you’ve been to them all. And they often are expensive to attend as well as being a bore.

Unless it’s someone I love very, very much, I’m only going to weddings that are a bit different, in a place I want to go, or where I know a lot of the other people that are going so I can catch up with friends or family.

You say "couples" getting married OP - well just imagine you're a 'triple' trying to arrange a wedding. Yes, I am being a bit facetious - just make your own wedding and politely fuck off any objectors.

I disagree. I think the problem is that a percentage of people are thinking too much about the perfect wedding rather than getting married. I have 100 people coming to my wedding and no complaints, the evening is anybody, kids , mum who lives with them etc. church is anyone, nobody has to pay for any drinks and most are local

It is possible to make a good effort to enjoy a wedding and fully celebrate with a couple at the same time as complaining privately about bad food and the day being badly organised.

Sometimes couples spend a huge amount of money on wedding frills without giving their guest’s experience any real consideration. People can’t force themselves to enjoy something when they’re hungry and have to stand around doing nothing for ages or struggle to buy overpriced drinks.

A friend went to a wedding where after the ceremony the chosen ones went for a meal and everyone else was sent to the local pub. The pub group all bonded over being pissed off about this.

I attended a wedding with DP and mil. Mil spent the whole meal complaining about the food and saying how she could cook better food than this 🙄

Another one where the couple went off for photos leaving everyone stood for over 3 hours, sat for another hour and then served food. The small talk between guests ran out far too early, there was nothing to talk about other than how tired and hungry we all were.

I massively regretted my wedding because of exactly that. So much judgment, I was under so much pressure and ended up hating the day. I had so many requests from various people. My mother and MIL are mostly to blame as they wanted to please their own families and instead of shielding me, they passed on every small comment and request and made me sort it out. I was too young (27) and too preoccupied with the nice photos, what everyone thought, pleasing everyone. And I totally overestimated how important it was to have a magical day. It was fucking stupid.

I have the most amazing photos, genuinely stunning. Never posted them anywhere and never look at them. I can't bear it.

I never complain about other people's weddings now. I genuinely enjoy them, love going to them and a part of me always feel extra sorry for how much work bride and groom have to put into it.

I love weddings and rarely moan as think they're great and I like all sorts from very relaxed to very formal! I've moaned about a few things on your list - though not publicly or to the bride and groom! Not smoked about most weddings I've been to and been to over 50.

I've never moaned about the actual food but the 12pm wedding where we got nothing at all until 7pm (then evening buffet at 9pm) i was hungry!

Seating plan - two have irritated me, one when we were all mixed up with randoms. I was pregnant so didn't even get to have wine to help! Was an echoey room so could only talk to the randoms either side. Another was child free so I left my children with a paid babysitter for 2 nights and happily went. We were sat with the only kids invited to the wedding - and their parents were on a different table! Was not impressed by that!

Don't think I've moaned about anything else on the list.

Getting married and having a wedding are two different things.

I'd never marry.

I quite fancy a wedding. Just for the dress. But yes, all those parts of a wedding are picked apart. Especially on MN!