To think that couples getting married are overly criticised by other people?

Also - wedding speeches really are dire. People need to learn to limit them, one speech, not too long. And the whole waiting around while the couple gets photos is very rude.

I think that a lot of weddings impose on the guests.

It's not really the fault of the hosts particularly, so many common practices in weddings are just an imposition.

In a lot of cases they are probably too big - people can't really afford the kind of event they are having, so elements don't work.

But then there is often an expectation of travel, expectation of a significant gift, sometimes they ask outright for money!!, and sometimes all this from people who they aren't all that close to. Even the bridal parties are expected to give up a lot of time and money.

In the mean time, the couple are sometimes spending rafts of money on other things. It starts to feel like - why are they not having a smaller event they can afford instead of asking all these people to shell out of their own pockets?

And the other thing is - in a lot of cases these are people who have been effectively married for years, committed, often with kids, with established households. The traditional reasons for the whole thing - to get a new couple started off in a household, to signal social acceptance of them as a couple, religious reasons - don't apply.

I think we'd see people more enthusiastic if the whole edifice was scaled back to events that are really within budget - more like what was typical in the first half of the 20th century, and if weddings marked the start of the formation of a new household and family.

This is my experience of any wedding I've been involved with. They inevitably turn someone bananas, no matter the cost, the size etc. Could the bride, groom, parents, siblings, a portion of the guest list - someone's brain will crack on the process. Make a game of it and try and guess who or why.

Quite.
Not sure why a B&G would even know about it, let alone be bothered by it.

When you sit with your siblings, over a number of hours, you chat about all sorts of things. That isn't complaining about, or criticising the wedding. Seems like you are looking for offence there.

Sometimes couples spend a huge amount of money on wedding frills without giving their guest’s experience any real consideration. People can’t force themselves to enjoy something when they’re hungry and have to stand around doing nothing for ages or struggle to buy overpriced drinks

This.
Also the comment from a pp about the photography. I hired a photographer to record our wedding, I wouldn't be impressed with the more recent fashion of the photographer running the show and taking the B&G away for 90mins or so whilst guests don't get to see the couple and get to stand around bored and hungry.

I mostly don't enjoy weddings these days. I appreciate how much effort and money are spent on these things. However, in my opinion, it is spent on the wrong things. Making it photographable and nice for Instagram does nothing to make the experience better for your guests. People want to be fed, watered and entertained. If you're going off for 2 hours having photos taken and leaving your guests to mill about, it will be shit for them. If the speeches go on forever it will be shit. If you're making people wait hours on end for what will inevitably be some form of roast dinner followed by cheesecake, profiteroles or sticky toffee pudding that has been plated and sat sweating in a catering oven for hours, will undoubtedly be a stingy portion but will probably taste of very little anyway, it will be shit.

Don't make stupid demands. Don't prioritise chair bows and flowers over your guests, preferably choose a venue that has a good atmosphere as opposed to one which just looks pretty on photos and for which you don't need to remortgage your house when buying a round of drinks, and for the love of christ don't send a money poem.

It's not however rude about the wedding. It's a petty gripe about her own choice of hotel - nowt to do with the B&G (unless of course they insisted she stayed there, which I doubt)

It's such a stunningly unusual extra on a hotel bill - why shouldn't she chat to her DBro, about that, or anything else that's been going on recently.

Loads of people share petty gripes. AIBU couldn't exist without them!

There's a breathtaking arrogance about this thread OP.

People like what they like and dislike what they don't, and if they want to have a moan about it because they had a shit time, that's entirely their right.

It doesn't matter how much you spent on you and your 11 bridesmaids, you can't please everyone but nor can you prevent them from moaning.

@SadOrWickedFairy - the guests who had a full day invite to all 3 bits had several hours when they were expected to go away (and get changed for the evening do). They did have a drinks reception while they had photos done, but I’m guessing the guests were interesting enough that you wouldn’t mind standing around making small talk with them in the same way!

I particularly like that all guests had to take their seats best part of an hour before the service. A non-royal bride would be dragged for that!! imagine the threads on here.

The thing I personally found really tedious about weddings was the vast amount of utter trivia I was expected to care about. Dresses, bridesmaids dresses, table settings, bridal register, who sits where, where people are going to stay.

It goes on for months before the wedding and renders otherwise intelligent people incapable of having a conversation about anything interesting.

I am fundamentally not interested in weddings. They are just a part of life and I will happily go along and play my part in the whole thing but I really don’t want to be expected to care about whether the trim on the bridesmaids dress matches the cards or where Great Uncle George is staying.

I just resent the fact that they turn people into zombies who care about what is fundamentally a naff and grotesquely expensive party.

No way would Kate and William's guests be left standing around for hours without anything to eat or drink and nowhere to sit whilst Kate and William posed up a storm for endless photographs. I would bet that Kate and William spent less time with photographers that many a non royal bride and groom.

Kate and William's guests will have been well fed, well catered for, looked after properly and not used as props, what a ridiculous notion.

People want to go to weddings to celebrate with the bride and groom, to be a part of the day and are happy to do so what they don't want is to be used as bit part players or extras and treated as if they are an inconvenience and last on the list of priorities.

Weddings are rubbish and I’ll never attend another one. Boring and expensive.

Best wedding reception I attended was a family buffet in the village hall with a low key disco and bring a bottle
it was fab

The last wedding I went to was that of two widowed people marrying each other. It was held in the local church with the reception in the village hall next door, moving across to one of the local pubs in the evening. It was a really simple affair, nothing fancy, and nobody moaned because it was really easy to attend. Most wedding attendees would take a homemade buffet in a village hall over something involving travel and a hotel stay every time.

I don't think travel can always be avoided for people that don't live near most of their families and friends. I've less sympathy for couples that pick some location hours from everyone including themselves for aesthetic reasons.

Some people seem to think their wedding is a massive deal for everyone and should be prioritised.

Expecting guests to take annual leave, to spend hundreds or thousands on stag and hen do's, outfits to fit a specific dress code, travel, accommodation and gifts is entitled and selfish. If guests do go along with it then they should absolutely get an amazing experience, good food, good entertainment, good accommodation etc

I don't really understand why people want big weddings, it's not my cup of tea, which is why DH and I eloped. We wanted to be married but had no interest in a wedding. We wouldn't go to a wedding that was excessively expensive or time consuming to attend, thankfully my friends and family are similarly minded and weddings we have been invited to have been local, in registry offices or small churches, with simple dinners and a DJ into the evening. No expectations or delusions of grandeur.

This only affected me as the bride but I really regret having those getting ready photos. I wasn't even keen at the time but caved into the pressure of "it's expected". It just made getting ready more stressful and being photographed getting zipped into my dress wasn't for me.

The food
-kids / no kids
-the choice of wedding location
-the seating plan
-you r someone else not being a part or a wedding party when you suspected they would be.

These are the ones people moaned about with our wedding. One relative gave me absolute hell over the seating plan. They randomly wanted to be on the top table.

I know now they didn’t care about me or love you in anyway. I wish I'd told them to fuck off. I didn't seat them on the top table though. It gave me a lot of stress in the build up to the wedding day. Plus they didn’t hold their tongue on the day. Imagine having a go at a bride twice on her wedding day!

Dh were paying for our wedding. Not that that should make a difference to the level of respect shown to us, but stil - You'd think people could hold back and let us enjoy it. It makes me sad to think about.

OP, we did the exact opposite of a big wedding. 2 witnesses. Nearly a decade on and people haven't stopped complaining. Couples should have the wedding they want, other people will come if they want to, and may or may not enjoy themselves. You can't keep everyone happy, but people equally don't have to pretend that every wedding they attend is the best day ever.

It was, @SadOrWickedFairy Really a fun and low-stress time for all. She's one of those super organized people so had already printed out photos from the ceremony and put them around for people to see. (She wore a pretty knee-length floral dress for the ceremony).

There was so much food and drink she was sending containers home with everyone, rather than people ready to gnaw on a twig to ease their hunger or only getting three canapes apiece.

Even their dog's veterinarian stopped in, and our old boss from 20 years prior.

I enjoyed the wedding of DH’s nephew in July. It was low-key and fun. What is making me feel mildly murderous, though, is the sheer numbers of heavily staged and photoshopped photos still appearing on Instagram now, more than six weeks later. I think the official photographer ones came back a couple of weeks ago, and I swear there are ten or more posted daily. Today and yesterday were The Bride At Her Mirror, The Bride In the Bath Drinking Champagne, Looking Excited, The Bride Staring Mistily At Her Dress, The Bride Smiling at her Tiara, Surrounded by Adoring Bridesmaids, The Bride and the Mother of the Bride Holding Hankies etc etc.

That sounds fabulous BettyBardMacDonald and a proper day to remember for everyone.

Upload photos and bios??? That truly takes the cake.

The wedding industry certainly does a number on people.

The best wedding I attended, a friend had a fairly substantial greenhouse built in her garden and invited people to come for drinks and snacks to see it. It was a long-held dream of hers so we suspected nothing, showed up with a small gift. She was in jeans and a pink T-shirt with flowers printed on it.

As she came up to greet us she flashed her shiny new gold wedding band. They had been married privately that morning at a local chapel, only parents and siblings (about 8 people) attending, and then come home to lay out tons of food and drink and get that party started. People from all of their areas of life - friends, families, neighbours, co-workers, hobby pals, the postman, local shopkeepers, you name it, all had been invited to stop in at their convenience.

It was so fun, such a nice surprise. No faffing about gifts, registry, hen do, stag do, etc. - they wanted to be married so they got married, privately and romantically. People came and went in a steady stream. And no standing around starving waiting endlessly for the bride and groom to show up. They were already there serving the drinks!

Just don't spend ages on the photos.
And have drinks/canapés during the photos.
My top tips! You're welcome

Okay but why moan about it to the father of the bride on his daughter’s wedding day?!? It was rude and he was annoyed - it wasn’t our fault she picked a hotel where you had to pay, there were other options she could have booked. It’s just moaning for the sake of it