To think that couples getting married are overly criticised by other people?

Back when I was young if people had destination weddings they just fucked off and came back married; kids were always invited; you’d always give plus ones; you didn’t have people paying for drinks.

Not sure when you were young, but this isn't my experience.

I'd agree that anyone getting married abroad did it to avoid family.
But I disagree about giving plus ones being a thing - I only came across that watching American sitcoms from 10 - 25 years ago.
I also disagree re kids always being invited. I never went to a wedding with my parents, until I was 16. (So all the weddings my parents went to in the 60s and 70s). I didn't have dc at my wedding (80s) nor did my parents (50s) nor my in-laws (60s), nor my sister, nor my brother (90s). Nor was it at all typical in the dozens of weddings I went to between about 83 and 98. So that covers weddings from the 50s up until 2000 where there weren't any dc.

People love to bitch and moan

Also there's a weird thing about if a couple have an expensive wedding, a d then split later, there will be comments regarding what sort of wedding they had, surely it's equally sad if the wedding was at a registry office or stately home

I agree with @needhelpwiththisplease. I don't think most people jump for joy at a wedding invite. It's like an obligation. I'm lucky I have hardly any family. Also the thing that pisses me off about weddings is that quite often they don't want any kids there (except their own darlings of course if they have them). If you invite extended family to a wedding with no kids allowed then invite the grandparents too, who the f do you think is looking after the kids?? Now they are older I'd consider get a babysitter but at the time my youngest was still a baby. I've missed a couple of family weddings for this reason. It all seems about showing off how much you can afford these days. Where did the love and the kids go from weddings?

I find weddings a bore. I’d far rather not be asked. And they’re all the bloody same.

And destination weddings where you’re expected to travel miles are just obnoxious to me. Our niece is getting married in 2026, somewhere that’s a long way away - 11 hours on a plane. We have no intention of going.

We had 17 guests at our wedding (including us). It was perfect 👌

People can do what they want but fgs think of your guests' bank balances. We don't want to have to transport the family to Italy, or attend several layers of hen do evert.

The vast majority of weddings I have attended were between 1990 and 2010, there was just the occasional slightly over the top one but most were just incredibly low key compared to these days.

I also wonder how much the change in expectations about travel contributes?

At one time, people moved away less often. And even when they did - most people did not travel far to weddings or funerals. It was too expensive.

There now seems to be a real expectation of travel in many cases, and it's very expensive.

In fact weddings really can be a huge expense for guests. Which they may not feel easily able to meet.

At some point weddings changed from a celebration with nice food and drink with family and friends to a show of (supposed) wealth, cosplaying as a princess, and being concerned about how pictures look.

Back when I was young if people had destination weddings they just fucked off and came back married; kids were always invited; you’d always give plus ones; you didn’t have people paying for drinks.

The best weddings ensure guests have a great experience - they aren’t all about the bride and groom pretending they’re The Beckhams.

I think the problem is that no one is anywhere near as interested in you wedding as you are but everyone is expected to be.

People resent the time, money and headspace which they demand from others. I couldn't care less fundamentally how people want to get married, let them knock themselves out.

But attending a wedding as a guest routinely costs hundreds of pounds, eats into valuable annual leave, requires people to find additional babysitters, causes diplomatic rows between family members and friends and involves eye-stabbingly boring conversations about place mats and table settings and bridesmaid's dresses and renders people incapable of thinking or talking about anything else. For months and months.

I don't dislike weddings in theory but in practice they are just a huge vortex into which people's sanity disappears and for that reason alone they nause me out.

Of you read some threads on here a lot of falling out happens prior to the wedding. You have the bride and grooms expectations and guests who are sidelined.

True, but remember people post on here (or on other forums) because there is an issue and they want a reality check. All the hundreds of thousands of people that get married ever year without any drama, don't tend to start a thread saying "All the plans for the wedding are going smoothly. My MiL 2B is just so lovely the way she is balancing supporting us without interfering. My Bridesmaid is lovely - not over bearing but so supportive when I want a chat. Everyone replied to the invitation by the date we asked them to. etc etc."

Just the same as in 'Relationships', people post when there are problems, and it gives a very skewed view of what a relationship is like because all the people in happy relationships don't post there.

Of you read some threads on here a lot of falling out happens prior to the wedding. You have the bride and grooms expectations and guests who are sidelined.

Weddings are out of control!!

You don’t need to spend 20K because then it becomes about the favours, flowers and cake and not about the 2 people getting married.

Im happy to attend any wedding, but I won’t fork out a fortune to stay for 2 days, buy a gift, attend an overseas venue - especially when the couple have legally wed in the UK first!!!

I think couples overestimate their guests interest.

I've been to some lovely weddings where I've had a wonderful time. I've also been to a few that were dull or wildly inconvenient for guests and on those occasions I will admit that I have moaned a bit afterwards, albeit privately to my DH.

I don't think it's right to criticise the couple getting married just because their choice of food, venue, entertainment etc isn't to your particular taste. Different strokes and all that. But if people have taken time off work, organised childcare, spent a significant amount of money and/or travelled a considerable distance to attend an event then that inevitably comes with certain expectations. Perhaps the more expense and inconvenience they incur the more likely they are to find that it doesn't live up to their expectations.

Most weddings are self indulgent nonsense that result in multiple fallings out. Life is too short.

Not in my family, dh's family, or the families of any wedding I have ever been involved in.
I love reading a wedding thread, (and various wedding groups on FB) but many of them are so far removed from my reality that it is like watching a drama on TV - interesting to peer at, but nothing like my reality.

I enjoy going to the weddings I go to. No drama. Lots of time to spend with people I love.

I can’t stand weddings so if I’m ever invited to one I decline the invitation. I’d only make an exception for a close family member.

Most weddings are self indulgent nonsense that result in multiple fallings out. Life is too short.

A traditional church wedding with reception in parents' backyard, if you're going full Country Life, can be £20k++. DIY and marquees tend to cost as much, if not more, than a full service hotel / country house do. A pub afterwards or village hall may be cheaper.

traditional wedding

A traditional wedding isn't what most couples seem to have, not if they're spending £20k
A traditional wedding would be a church service and a local venue for food for the closer family and some friends.

If someone is daft enough to blow £20k on a wedding, money they probably have to borrow most if the time, then that's on them.

Sadly £20k doesn't mean that your guests shouldn't be able to grumble privately if they want if they've been served rubbish food or been made to wait hours between ceremony and food/drinks due to 1000s of photographs that will be rarely looked at after the first year.

One of the meals I complained about - privately to dh/parents - was the veggie option I got where the plastic wrap from a microwaved meal was still on my plate! And that was one where a silly amount had been spent on the couple's big day. It wasn't money well spent. I reckon I'm allowed to complain to dh if the food I'm being served is of this level!

This is a horrible way to talk about what takes a great amount of planning and effort and money from the couple.

The length of time to plan and the amount of money spent is entirely the couple's choice though.
You can have a wedding that is organised in a few short weeks costing very little.

Whilst I know some guests can be annoying and complaining, I also think do brides and grooms also forget that if they are inviting guests then they should be treated as guests, not props for their big day

To reduce the angst for guests:

• don't have a long list of requirements
• don't get annoyed or upset if someone can't attend, regardless of their reason
• don't have it somewhere and expect people to spend a fortune of their own money; if there are big costs attached make sure people know well in advance and that they know they are free to decline with no judgement or upset
• don't ask for expensive gifts or expect money gifts; only make suggestions if asked about them

The "big traditional;" wedding isn't really that traditional.

For most people the tradition if you go back more than a generation was much more modest.

I think this is because couples have usually cohabited for some time before getting married. This is a good thing in many ways but it does sap a lot of the real meaning out of it and really makes it just a party. It won’t materially change anything about the way they are living. So people have to spend more to make it more meaningful.

Yes. I think what people need to realize is that if the budget is tight, they need to plan accordingly. One option is a very small number of people. Or - time it so there is no need for a full meal.

I had some friends who married with very little money when young, but huge families. They had a morning wedding, reception fell before lunch, and it was a stand up do with lots of little finger things and unlimited pink champagne. Some family had to travel but it was a location that was as central as possible for all.

It was very simple but very nice.

People always moan which I'd a shame as I love a wedding.

I've only moaned about a child free wedding when my children were quite young. All family at the wedding so ended up paying for 15 hours of childcare for 2 children. Spent the wedding fielding Qs about why we hadn't brought the children and then the bridal party complained when we left after the meal so we could be honme by midnight for the childcare.

I didn't care that it was child free. I did care that we spent a fortune on childcare to be told by guests we were selfish for not bringing the children and by the bridal party for not leaving our children alone over night.