To think life with one child looks soooo easy

It's easy in some respects with one, but then, in others it's trickier. No more than families with more than one I guess.

I would have loved more but we had just the one. I remember feeling a lot of guilt about that for a long time, but then I was at the funeral of a family member. That person had been an only child and the turn out was bigger than I've ever seen... even for Irish funerals. Grown men heartbroken at the death of one of their oldest and closest friend. And that actually comforted me a lot about leaving just one behind when I die. I knew that DS would be as lonely as he chooses to be.

I made a bigger effort to do lots of time with his cousins on both sides. My lovely SIL did afterschool for about 3 years for us so DS was like the baby of their family in many respects, and their house is treated like ours by DS. We are only a couple of doors away from their house so they are in and out to each other all the time. I try to go as much as I can to the cousins on our side as well as we are fairly close knit and I hope that carries through to adulthood for DS.

He gets bored sometimes like any kid, but the flip side is that he's well able to find things to do himself and is quite a social and sociable kid. I ensured he's got bunk beds so offered lots of sleepovers, and offered loads of play dates - I don't care if they weren't reciprocated. We deliberately moved to somewhere where he could safely go out to play with the neighbour kids so on a fine day he's never indoors. He has wished for a sibling from time to time, of course, but it is what it is.

Holidays are fine, we've never put him in a kids club. He wouldn't have wanted to be left (again with a sibling that might have been easier?) DH and I can't lie by a hotel pool, never could anyway so DS comes with us on boat trips or snorkelling on the beach like we used to do as a couple.

I'm not worried about when he's grown and gone. I came from a big family, so getting peace and quiet was a novelty and I relished it when I did. I moved out at 18 often living entirely alone and I was never bothered. Even now when the house is empty for a weekend, I've a list of things to watch or sew or read and I don't get lonely. I would happily do a solo holiday for example. I might feel differently if my health becomes an issue but I'll figure that out when I have to!

And then there's his inheritance. He will never need to worry about affording his own home or have to split it with siblings. He'll get our house. That's something my neighbour worries about for her 3 kids - that even with an inheritance and a partner to share a mortgage, that house prices might be out of their reach.

When I had the one life was so easy.
Then when he got a bit older I decided to have another 2. I ask myself why every day. Life is now hectic. Constant arguing and bickering. I'm lucky if I get 5 mins to go to the toilet alone without a scream or cry. I do miss the days of only having 1

I’m on holiday now with my two. The youngest one is soooo needy. If the oldest one wants to sit something out the youngest one won’t leave us alone. It’s exhausting

@Tiredalwaystired see my above post. It’s because they’ve never learnt to spend time alone / be happy with their own company. It’s a great skill only children usually grasp early. My daughter isn’t like this. Yes we ‘play’ and have such a laugh together but she also enjoys time ‘bumbling’ around on her own, writing, reading, doing art, creating.

I'm not a parent (sadly) so I don't know what it is like to have an only child, but I know that being one as an adult and having no other blood family is extremely tough. I dread the day my parents die and I am alone.

How to make families with only one child feel shit…
I have only one, not through choice, through years of infertility, don’t find it easy at all though, adore Dd but she’s very intense and high energy. I’d love if she had siblings to play with and it wasn’t always down to me to play 24/7

Maybe not that easy for those of us who’s love a 2nd and it hasn’t happened for. Appreciate what you have.

Competitive parenting - my life is sooo much harder than yours - ridiculous.

Life is so much easier being childfree yippee!

thank you for saying this! So true

As adults I’m glad my children have each other as siblings. We are a close family. But children are hard. Anything ever worth doing is hard. The rewards of having children far out way the bad in my eyes and if I could rewind time I would probably have had more. Just know each stage is hard but different. Enjoy the cuddles while you can. It flies past so quickly. Just do your best.

Surely this depends of so many factors, like the temperaments of the children, the age gaps, the ages and stages of the parents, additional needs, medical conditions, or even good old fashioned financial security (or lack of).
The list goes on I’m sure, but comparing one person’s life with another’s is like comparing apples and oranges.

It was definitely calmer with one, but I'm not sure it felt like at the time! I don't think you can really compare because you probably romanticise about how smooth it was with one, and seeing other people's families from the outside isn't really representative of their lives imo. One kid and an uninvolved partner is probably harder than two in a supportive relationship.

I’m on holiday now with my two. The youngest one is soooo needy. If the oldest one wants to sit something out the youngest one won’t leave us alone. It’s exhausting.

When they’re enjoying each others company it’s bliss for us! (I do concede that I am lucky that they get on well!)

I have one teen dd and yes life is easy and always has been. Not having to consider another dc means we can be really spontaneous and go on city trips, concerts and holidays which would be hard with another as dh would have to take time off work. Dc does a top level sport that takes her all over the country. I don't have to feel guilty about dedicating my weekends to this which I would if I had another.

Having more disposable income helps too. When dc has a sleepover at friends dh and I get a night to ourselves- bliss!

Most of my friends have 2dc, some with small and gaps and some large. The ones with small age gaps they fight all the time and the large gaps means they don't have any real common interest. Luckily dd has same age cousins and that has been more beneficial for her (and the cousins) than a sibling they don't get on with/ have no shared interests.

Wow is this where judgy people with lack of empathy and critical thinking skills hang out?

Some horrible stereotypes and assumptions on this thread

And rubbish about lonely onlies. There’s just been a massive research report released in New Scientist that shows all these myths are incorrect.

My daughter has lots of friends but also enjoys hanging out with me (kids would rather hang with their parents one on one) and also by herself. Which is certainly a life skill to appreciate and which many don’t have - leading to sticking in shit relationships etc.

Love these threads 🤪

I am a very happy only child, raising a very happy only child. My DH has two siblings one whom he is apathetic about and the other who he hasn't spoken to, by choice, for over 20 years.

Our one child is an absolute joy and easy as pie. She's an easy travel companion, always reading, writing and happy with her own company. Also very sociable. I couldn't cope with the chaos of more than one.

We have such a calm, lovely life. She's my favourite person to spend time with.

Each to their own.

No one is saying your experience is less than...

Someone very confidently said that having a single baby is doing a hardship to that child, we're somehow selfish

I have one through choice and I LOVE it. We’re so close and life is pretty chill.

I’m one of 5. We did not get on as children and barely speak to each other as adults, well some speak, others don’t. So no fairy tale in my case.

I have one. My DH and I can find it stressful on occasion. A stroppy teenager is a stroppy teenager! They go to school in another town so no friends in immediate area but doesn’t seem too bothered.

I know my DC would have liked another sibling but wasn’t possible. Generally things are calm (quiet, somewhat shy child) but as only one of him, I think he sees himself on an equal par with me/DH which can create some tension. I don’t know how the atmosphere in our house relates to those with multiple children but probably quieter - definitely not tidier!

I don’t know why people are so uptight about this 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe no easier but definitely less time consuming with just one: no arguments to referee and half the kids-related tasks (laundry, tidying, homework support etc) even things such as quality time - way harder to fit in when you need to do several in a row.
Half the amount of activities to schedule, school projects to help with, birthday parties and playdates to drive them to etc etc
And when people have time they are usually more relaxed, hence a feeling of a less frazzled home.
BUT
With only one child they will come to you for entertainment way more often than if they have siblings. You can’t make the kids eat their dinner while you tidy the kitchen - as your only child would be sitting on their own - so you sit at the table and watch them eat… and this can be pretty boring.

(I have two but have experienced a few times life with just one for a week)

Ha yes, my ‘first’ was twins, so we went straight to 2. We have 3 now, and when we do ever (rarely!) have one on their own we’re amazed at how quiet and straightforward it is. Saying that though, everyone has different things going on, and some children are more difficult than others, so I’m not one to say parents of 1 (or 2!) have it easier. One of mine is very hard, one is so easy, one in the middle somewhere!
3 can feel chaotic at times especially when with our friends with 1 or 2, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I bet parents of 4+ think 3 is easy. I’d quite like 4!

Yes it feels like it can turn in to a competition with threads like this about who has it harder/ easier/ better. And since there is a degree of choice involved (though not for everyone) it seems odd when people with more than one get all martyrish about it. There are pros & cons to every family size & every child is different.

I think all families have their own beauty and their own challenges.... I have only one child, and she does get loads of time, money and attention spent on her, especially as her dad and I are separated, so the time she is with each of us we focus on building our relationship with her.

She's not "spoilt" in my opinion - but she does, tho superficially fairly shy, have a core of inner confidence that blows me away, that I suspect derives from having such great certainty that she is important to us, and so very loved.

But I am not implying that families with two or more children make those children feel any less loved, of course not. It's just how it works in our family. And of course not all parents of only children are especially close to them - my friend who has an only astonishes me how little she seems to know about her daughter's views and private life (but then she probably sees me as wildly over-involved with mine....)

Just love and cherish what you have - there are advantages and disadvantages to every family structure - dwelling on your own life's positives is the best way to be happy! 😊

This reminded me of how I viewed having children before I actually had them. I'd see these people in groups in pub gardens, enjoying wine with their friends, their children happily playing in the playground, and I'd think - that's what parenthood will be like! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (how little did I know!).

Now I have 3 and needless to say it is nothing like that at all, pretty much ever.

I know plenty of adult siblings who don't get on. It's fine where they are more than two children but when there are only two it causes issues for parents and others in the family.

Anyway while my DD is my only child, she isn't DP's only child.