To think life with one child looks soooo easy

@Scorchio84 please don't take to heart what I said.

It was just a sweeping generalisation.

Only children get undivided attention from parents which kids with siblings can't get.

Siblings often don't get on and just fight all the time.

I didn't mean to make you feel shit for having an only.

There is no one size fits all.

Recently my husband took my older children away for a few days. I stayed home with our twins. So much easier! I didn't need to work or do the school run, but I did have the farm and animals to take care of. The house even got tidied! It's not my normal life though and I missed them

I love interacting with my DC. I'd much rather do that than 'relax'.

I have two . It was hard then better as they played and interacted . Then it got hard again . DD13 and DS10 seem to hate each other . Have nothing in common argue all the time . Holidays are a nightmare when we spend time together but want different things. DS away with his dad and it’s so so much easier 😢

So much projection and defensiveness on this thread...as seems to be the case with every thread on this subject, sadly.

There are pros and cons to having an only child, just as there pros and cons to having multiple children, and to remaining childfree. Every child and every family will have different circumstances, different dynamics and family members with their own individual strengths and needs so it's impossible to generalise about what the optimum number of DC is. Lazy stereotypes and assumptions about different family set ups are not helpful and add very little to the discussion.

For those with only children who have been upset by this thread, I am an only child and never longed for a sibling. I certainly wasn't lonely. I don't feel I'm missing out as an adult either. Having a sibling does not inoculate you against loneliness or unhappiness and nor does it guarantee that you'll be friends as adults. DH was quite close with his Dsis as a child but now they have a polite but distant relationship. They tolerate each other for PIL's benefit but I expect that when they're no longer around they will have very little contact at all. Some of my friends are close with their siblings, some aren't.

I have 2 DC and sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's lovely. I felt the same when we only had 1. Going from 1 to 2 was definitely an adjustment, when they were very little there were moments when I thought "what have we done?" but it gets easier. My DC both have SEN but even so it's getting easier all the time as they get older.

Maybe they enjoy the company of their child?

I'm sure this is down to temperament though because my eldest (the one who was an only for a few years) needs a lot more from me than the younger. I can happily sit in the same room as the youngest, me reading and him bobbling around playing. The eldest needs a lot of interaction and moans "no one is looking after me!" if he feels he isn't getting the input he needs. If we'd stayed at one I don't think he'd be any different, he's a very centre-stage sort of person even at preschool.

On holiday at the moment, family on the beach with one 4/5 year old child. Always wanting mum and dad to play with them, no one else to play with. Mum and Dad were not having a relaxing time.

At least if they are attempting to murder each other, they are entertained!

I had six, there is a reason for that lol

It might be tougher when little but I've found it gets easier as they're older & can entertain/good company for each other. I think its more time consuming with one as they take up all your time & attention. Depends on the age gap however, closer the age the better probably. Just my experience however (I appreciate some siblings fight like cats & dogs 🤯)

My 2 kids have a year and a half between them and I felt like I was in survival mode a lot last year when they were 1.5 and almost 3 - a year has past and life is easier!
They can play together in their room for up to an hour, they listen quite well when we are out.
I have reduced TV time to 1 hour or less a day and reduced sugar (which I found really affected my eldest)
Your children will become more independent and I'm sure life will become easier again soon.
I have friends who have 1 and it doesn't look much easier to me!

I have zero and it's super easy. Everything stays where I left it and there's no screeching. Plus I can go on holiday when it's cheap.

Plenty of the only children I know have learned to entertain themselves from an early age from necessity, but also learned how to make friends with strangers. Whereas many of the siblings I know haven't learned those skill and are whiny moaners when their sibling isn't nearby.

Mine’s an only and 18. Wasn’t through choice but with hindsight great fit for us. Career wise I’ve been able to work in a professional role and progress. I don’t recognise the lonely, we all enjoy our own space it I’ve always been welcoming to friends and taken a friend on trips etc sometimes. Holidays total none issue but we don’t do lie by pool type. Obviously financially she has benefitted and can appreciate that.

I’m going to say this about my now 19-year-old only child: We are TIGHT (meaning close)! Sometimes we joke about having ESP with each other. We have great conversations about things. We laugh about how goofy Dad can be. He comes home and tells me what he’s been up to with his friends. It doesn’t mean we’re enmeshed and he’s tied to my apron strings. He has a lovely girlfriend and a great group of buddies. He’s getting ready to go off to his second year at uni. No, we don’t have ongoing text conversations (he’s a boy after all—LOL), but we’re just close in a way that’s like two like-minded people orbiting each other. And he has a great relationship with Dad too. He’s not spoiled. If anything, I feel we were a bit too hard on him when he was younger, even though he’ll tell me that we weren’t. Anyway, just wanted to put that out here for anyone feeling bad for having an only child or anyone judging others for having an only child!

Well, yeah. That’s why we had one.

We're only having one. He's a toddler at the moment and all my friends are having second babies and I do not envy them at all. Already their toddlers are having to compromise on activities or only spend time with one parent while they divide and conquer. I'm much happier being able to spend most of our time together as a three not having to do boring baby appropriate stuff, and then solo parent one child briefly so we can still have our own life.

And based on my personal experience of having a sibling, maybe being lonely some of the time is a better "worst case" than the "worst case" for siblings- having a sibling they fought with so constantly that they have very few childhood memories that aren't tainted by it (my situation).

Yup, exactly this. When one of mine is away at a friends or one is doing a camp and we go from 3 to 2 we marvel at house easy it is with 2 and how quiet it suddenly is.

I have one toddler and I find it pretty damn hard. Maybe its just that we're all different and all have different stress tolerance levels. Or maybe I'm over-complicating things and should have another child I don't want in order to save my toddler from his fate of being a lonely saddo. 🙄

😂Brilliant, that gave me a much needed laugh, thank you! x

I went a bit PFB about weaning. Then DC ate a bug and I got over it.

Please can you explain what you mean by over-complicating things? As far as I know, it's not necessarily just a thing for parents of one. I only had one, but never had a PFB, I'm not that kind of mother. Thank you for assuming that I'm somehow an inferior, neurotic mother because I only have one child though.

I find it calming only having one, and wouldn't change it for the world, however I do have to get in the pool far more than I like when I'm on holiday to keep her company. It's honestly the only time I ever think I'd like another 😂

Another thread some people using to bash only children. Yawn

So true, I think it depends a lot on the child's temperament. One child could be harder than 5.