To think life with one child looks soooo easy

This thread has made me feel shit about having one child

My younger one isn't 3 yet so it's probably over-optimistic to expect her to be amusing herself for long periods yet. She's actually quite happy to potter about by herself but she likes someone nearby - me/her brother - as a kind of 'safety blanket'. And of course, we don't expect the 7yo to play with the toddler the whole time, or indeed at all if he doesn't want to, and having had over 4 years by himself he's quite used to finding friends of his own age to play with. In our case - and all families are different - it's more that they provide each other with background "noise" and company when they're doing their own thing in the same room, for instance. But equally I know lots of siblings who drive each other crazy, so this is not guaranteed.

Completely agree. Some of us with "only one lonely bored child" haven't been able to have a second, although for others it is a choice. My ds is never bored. I play with him plus take him out a lot to parks/ softplays etc. Perhaps it would be easy if I didn't work full time in a stressful job but that's yet another conversation 😉

Wow way to shade one child families. Dickish comment.

I have 3 and thought having just one would have been tough in lockdown when they weren't at school. My lot actually managed not to bicker too much during lockdown. Generally they don't get on too bad.

👍🏼

Well there we go then, you've said it is and that's that then isn't it? Grow up.

It clearly was 🤷‍♀️

This is interesting. From my experience it's those will 3 plus kids complaing about the cost of things like tickets for family days out, holidays, or its well I have 2 to pay for. Things like holiday clubs for 3 children are often out of the question.

There's quite a few negative assumptions from people on this thread about "onlys". I'm from a big family despite having an only and some of these comments are baffling. All the onlys I know have quite a good life and have got a sucessful career. I appreciate everyone's circle differs.

Hear hear.

I am seriously considering sticking to my son only, because of various health issues that would make another pregnancy a real roll of the dice.

It's dumb and wonky to make comments about children needing siblings.

I've got dc with additional needs and god I look at people with dc without additional needs and think it looks so easy. My DC without is so easy.

But I'd never swap. She's the absolute best of the best. I love her with everything I am.

I generally think I'm lucky.

This

Because I don't think it was tactless.

Nothing is missing from my family. 🙂

Why do you think I’m sensitive for suggesting your comment was tactless

One child families are more straightforward but to me it feels like something is missing. My BF would dearly have loved two but after 4 miscarriages she gave up and I know how much pain this still causes her. So although yes, two can be harder in lots of ways, overall it is a real blessing.

@newleafontheplantjohn

"Yes.

On the flip side, it often looks very boring / lonely for the kid.

I have two kids and it can be a nightmare sometimes. But I am very glad they have each other."

Couldn't agree more, could've written this myself!

Every set up is different, you can't know until you're on the inside of each family I don't think.

My mum has a brother but when their mum started suffering with dementia it was my mum who did everything while he stayed well away. Me, my brother, my dad and my dad's siblings were her support. She doesn't speak to her brother now because she can't forgive how he left everything to her.

My dad has a brother and sister and they are all pretty close.

Me and my brother were very close growing up and although we're there for eachother now, it's more distant unfortunately.

My husband has 2 siblings but they're much older and he feels very seperate to them.

We have a son who is 4.5 and very unlikely to have another. He was "third time lucky" after 2 miscarriages. During lockdown and the aftermath it just wasn't feasible for us to consider trying - family deaths, redundancies, severe sleep deprivation. Ds is now awaiting an autism assessment, which we've been told by nursery, HV and gp will be "a formality". Our days can start at 6.30 and not end until midnight. Or they can begin at 2.30am. But, he's awesome. Loves me and his dad and his grandparents, who are able to help out with him but could never manage him AND a sibling. He has a couple of friends and loves seeing them, but is always ready for everything to "go back to normal" at home afterwards. We've had a holiday recently just the 3 of us and it was fantastic! Went to the zoo, birdwatching, the beach. Film nights with pizza. Ice cream on the pier in the evening when it was quieter.

I'm not sure how he'll get on as an adult, as me and DH age etc but I also know that sibling is no guarantee of anything.

I've seen children with siblings often looking lonely and bored too! I think there's a lot of confirmation bias going on when it comes to people's judgment of only children. (I have a few friends who are only children, and they love it! Not to mention my son, who is perfectly happy being an only child.)

Didn't say you said always did I !
@newleafontheplantjohn

You said often which means 'frequently or many times'. Which is why I still stand by what I said , you made a sweeping statement that single children 'often' look lonely or bored which simply isn't true for most !

I have four (ones very disabled, so not sure my experience is normal) but 4 is easier than three was for me! Three was a tricky balancing act especially when the were all 6 and under

I'm very sorry for your loss @Scirocco

"Not sure who you're looking at but my single child isn't lonely and rarely bored. Sad that you make such a sweeping statement and feel you are correct when you are very wrong."
@babybirdsmomma

It wasn't that much of a sweeping statement though, was it? I used the word "often." I didn't say "always".

"& that's what cousins & play groups provide"

Well, my kids may have siblings, but they don't have any cousins.

I feel shit about that but there's nothing I can do about it.

@nomchonge1 it wasn't a narrow minded and ignorant thing to say.

It was an observation.

And one for which I had already apologised to @Scorchio84 for as it was not my intention to make her feel bad. However, there was nothing inherently wrong with what I said and your remark was uncalled for.