To think life with one child looks soooo easy

Same here. I feel extremely lucky and blessed to have one and happy to stick to that. The comments on here blow my mind, people honestly can’t imagine how anyone else would pick a different path other than the one they have chosen.

I also have friends who have 3 kids and they make it look easy! Some people just take it in their stride, or have easier kids. It isn't always easy with 1 or difficult with more.

I don't think you can make any assumptions about the number of children other than the cost.

Pros and cons to all of them!

I have 2dc 10 and 12. We wanted two and we got two, so I feel very fortunate, but of course it's natural to look around and compare.

Sometimes I look at one-child families and envy the calm and attention for the child.

Sometimes I look at larger families and envy the energy and potential for more sibling relationships.

Sometimes I look at other 2-child families and wonder how they are getting on better than us!

My point is, there is no perfect size of families, there are all sorts of wonderful families, some of which are much more complicated than the above.

I had 1,never wanted another and don't feel like anything is "missing".

@PuttingOnTheKitsch What do you mean??

The harsh reality is that a lot of people should have less kids especially in poor circumstances. I feel like it's a race to the bottom to say well "I've got 3". Unfortunately with motherhood you get no thanks for it! All this nonsense about elderly parents... needing care is TOSH. It ends up falling on 1 sibling half the time! Abouve all else some people just didn't have baby no2 down to circumstances I don't see any wrong nor shame in that!.

It's definitely been an interesting thread to read!

My sons nursery and school staff don't know every hair on his head. Why would they? They're not his parents. I don't even know everything about my child and I'm not going to pester professionals about weird things.

I’m sorry - I probably came across as a bit dismissive of one child families with that remark. I suppose I meant the banter between two siblings.
I do know this isn’t always the case and I am aware that some siblings can’t stand each other. But if you do get on well with your brother or sister they’re a great ally in life.

Something is not missing. You could say that about any family configuration. A single person? Something missing. Three kids? A fourth missing.

A bizarre statement to make.

This resonates with how I found lockdown with my (then) only. No matter how hard I tried I was just no where near as fun as your average 5 year old — and he really missed the company of other children

I don’t know. I have two girls and they are genuine besties (sure they have their moments but they are very close). They have played together beautifully all summer. Whilst I think one would be “logistically” easier, I cannot imagine the work that must go in to keeping an only child entertained all summer etc. I think it would be much harder.

They like each other then I assume. Both my daughters have regularly told me how their lives would be so much better without the other

Yes I think generally of course 1 is easier. I have certainly had a pretty easy ride through parenthood. Very social teen now with loads of good friends. You tend to make the effort there when they're an only. I'm a lone parent and honestly haven't found it difficult. We have a great relationship. I can't relate to all these bored teens on holiday threads on here atm, mine loves holidaying with me, we have a great time together.
I have a sibling. We have no relationship.

It really was, in my situation. I know some people crow on about their child growing up around adults and philosophical dinner party conversations etc, but lockdown without another child's energy, silliness, and viewpoint was depressing for my one. I tried my best but it was not enough.

Yes, don't let it make you feel bad. Having a baby should be a considered decision and there are loads of good reasons to stop at one. I hated being pregnant, so was never going to do it again. Those who think that it's selfish to only have one child should remember that it's quite possible for a mother to die or have horrible birth injuries, even in this day and age, and even in the UK. And that's before you consider the possibility of a baby having a disability when it's born.

I was more than happy to quit while I was ahead. Alive and well and with a healthy baby,

I’m surprised about all the negative one child sentiment. I have one and I’ve never experienced this irl - in fact I’d say out of my daughter’s friends about half are onlies. Maybe it’s because we live in London.

Either way, I’d suggest you read the latest New Scientist as it debunks all the one child myths as falsehoods - through actually research not just opinion.

It baffles me that parents would get so upset about what other parents choose to do with how many children they have. I’d suggest a lot of the posters here might be desperately trying to justify something to themselves!

@Juyjuly32
I'm also from a big family, and grew up having not just siblings but a mob of cousins to hang out with during summer holidays... Unfortunately for my DS all his cousins live elsewhere/abroad, and unlike me (quite satisfied to not socialise for weeks!) he is a real extrovert. We're not on a 'comfortable' income so activities and clubs are a very conscious expense for us, and I can respect it would be more so for those with multiple children. Free things like going to the park or library can be surprisingly unsuccessful social outings when most in our area seem to be away, or when (this seems to happen more now, I think) the kids there are already with another/a group, and not receptive to/aware of a stranger perhaps joining in.

I also love having my one! I grew up with one sibling (other 2 much older and left home) and it has always been a volatile love/hate thing, extremely difficult. I've never felt I wanted to have another (despite the guilt during covid lockdowns and over DS solely having the burden of us in old age), and I think there are specific benefits to having one... though dependent on person if they value that benefit, of course! I wanted to answer OP as another parent happily with the desired 'just one' what my honest drawback was. I too have found the responses interesting!

We went to a wedding last night. The groom is an only child. The room was full of his mates who are all very close. I highly doubt he's going to end up dying alone distressed about his lack of sibling with them lot. He says he never gets a minutes peace off them.

Good attitude. My DS has a great group of friends and is good at making friends in new places. That said attitudes of others sometimes has got me down, but less now…

Look, as a parent of 1, I'm sure there are plenty who think my child is lonely. I just don't care that much.

there is no point pretending people don't think these things.

And outside of mumsnet, noone gives it much though.

I know this has not been a popular quote, but I have worked with so many parents of only children and I do feel like I end up knowing about every hair on that child's head.

If that's not you (and it wasn't me either for the first five years of DD1s life), then it's about you, but it definitely is some people.

Ultimately all families have their pluses and minuses. Whatever your family size, make sure you have a will and as you age, clear provisions for your care. Both save a lot of a heartache..

I think it is easier on the whole- DS and I have a great relationship and I can give him a lot of support. We were on holiday recently and the other parents were constantly talking about how to manage arguments.

That said, the fact some people still look down on having one child and stigmatize it is hard, as shown on this thread. I have found it hard at times and so has my DS but that is because of other’s attitudes. Reality is it’s brilliant. Child dependent obviously.

It's not like "marmite is better than jam" to say "only children are lonely" or "five is harder than four".

Apart from being downright cruel in some circumstances, it's not even close to being accurate. Some only kids thrive on the attention and peace. Sometimes more children will be easier than fewer with complex needs.

So having a blanket opinion on the matter is the action of a moron. And stating it is the action of a wanker.