He does not want to work

Close girlfriend's partner could not find work, blamed the government, the economy etc. She chucked him out and what a surprise he had a job the next day.

You said he hasn't missed any football matches! Is he going to stadium to watch?
I would stop funding that.

As a pp above, I have arthritis in my lower back that was considered "moderate" 10 years ago - definitely worse now than it was then I just haven't bothered with trying to get another scan done to see progression. Some days it can take me up to 20 minutes to get out of bed, and I have to do stretches & sit in between everything I do e.g. bathroom/shower then sit, get dressed then sit, make tea & feed cats, sit etc. It's also in both hips (mild), and I've had to have my left (primary) shoulder rotator cuff repaired and that's now showing arthritic signs. I also have pain from the leg I broke over 40 years ago, and nerve damage in that foot which on a bad day makes it painful to walk, luckily left foot so OK with an automatic.

However I still get in my car and go to my office job every day. Work a full day, then come home where there's only me so I need to do everything around the house, personal admin, etc. One of my friends at work is paralysed from the waist down, she still managed to come in to the office once or twice a week & WFH the other days

In my 60's now, taking large doses of painkillers and anti inflammatory meds to just keep going, but I can manage.

And years ago I had a friend who had problems with his knee, would have to get it drained typically 2-3 times a year. He still did a physical job whenever able, as he wanted to help support his girlfriend & child.

YANBU. Relative has arthritis affecting knees, they swell horrendously. Doesn’t stop them though even when having to use a stick to walk. Manages a job ( accountant so not manual or heavy lifting type of work) school runs, housework.
Takes a few more painkillers and carries on.

There's no such this as common law marriage, so he wouldn't be entitled to anything from you.

Move out and leave him to it.

Just leave.
Your partner is leeching of you. 🙄

Is his GP in fairly regular contact with him by phone calls? If his Health Centre knows his situation he should be down for a knee replacement and have done, after all this time, the pre-op. tests and x-rays. Is this not the case?

Ridiculous. He’s taking the piss out of you.

I have arthritis in my lower back and have done for over 20 years. I also have it in my left shoulder. I’m mid 40s now and in the last year I also have joint pain in my knees and left side of my hip which I’m pretty sure is also arthritic.

Despite chronic pain, I’ve managed to work my whole life. I have 2 children and can’t afford not to. I work as a teaching assistant. I manage my pain with painkillers and anti inflammatories. I also try to keep active which helps. If I sat down watching TV all day everyday, I’d seize up.

He’s massively taking the piss.

Nah Sorry he needs to retrain and do a desk job or something light eg working on a till.

Does he have rheumatoid arthritis or osteoarthritis?
I have osteo of the knees, ankle and toes- am 44 and I hold down a full time job. My doctor has advised that I keep active. I walk 4 days a week and i have noticed that keeping active has helped and I do not feel the stiffness at all. I have special shoes that makes it easier. I have injections when it is really bad. There are days I cannot get out of bed. I take painkillers and I am able to hold down a fulltime job.
Your partner is just being lazy - he can do a job and there are workplaces that are very accommodating. He is just using this as an excuse.

@Octavia64 that's not quite correct. They will prioritise a hip / knee replacement in someone of working age over someone of retirement age. The reason for this is fairly obvious

He may well have some pain and discomfort from arthritis but it's insulting to other sufferers who lead fulfilling lives and work hard.

Of course he can work, he just doesn't want to.

Why be stuck with this albatross around your neck as he is a crap husband and a poor role model to your children.

Boot him out.

I have never been so relieved to see the words "common law wife" followed by "I am the higher earner." Dump him and let him go on benefits. I couldn't put up with seeing someone sit around and watch TV all day.

Basically it comes down to, do you want to be in this situation in the next 2/10/20 years?
You will be carrying the financial burden of the family while he watches TV and football.
He's not doing anything to improve his situation, so imagine what kind of retirement you'll have. His arthritis will get worse as he's doing nothing to improve it. You'll be waiting on him hand and foot, has he a pension? You're future looks grim if you tie yourself to him.

There is no such thing as a common law partner, he’s a boyfriend/partner unless you have a civil partnership
He can consider Call centre or online working from home
who'll do schoolrun if you both work?. You can get a childminder. Help to do school run?

He sounds like what Mumsnet would call a cock lodger. Although I do appreciate he has health issues.

My brother is like this (without the health issues). He just doesn't work/contribute. With him I suspect some neurodivergence at play or anxiety. But anyway....

It is not fair for you to carry the burden. I consider it a type of financial abuse when one partner willfully doesn't work (without it being agreed between partners or for good reason.)

Are you in the UK? Sounds more like Aus if he is your common-law husband, and he is getting his insurance rather than benefits (very unusual to have income protection insurance if you are doing manual jobs on minimum wage)

Either way I would split, but the process if going to be different if you are in a country where common law spouses are a legal entity

@what2do2donow
I think your plan to move out with the children and leave him to it is a good one.
But bear in mind he might respond by getting a job to try and lure you back (as soon as he gets you back he will give up the job). Whatever you do stand firm and don't go back. He thinks he should be a kept man, please don't carry on being his slave.

I've done this programme as well. It's great and physiotherapists will all tell you that with arthritis and other painful conditions, you need to stay active, so this guy needs to get up off his backside and find a job that makes him active, along with doing his share in the house.

Sitting in front of the telly all day is the worst thing he can do.

"He's in his mid 40's and only worked low paid jobs for about 10 years only before the arthritis

The knee is not great and swollen and sometimes needs to be drained. The only medication that worked almost killed him due of severe allergy that for him hospitalised for almost a week 2 years ago." *

In fairness, his knee sounds pretty bad - is he in pain on a daily basis? Is he on daily painkillers which could affect his ability to concentrate/stay awake/work at a screen?

And you say he's only ever done "low paid jobs" previously - does that mean he was a manual worker? What transferable skills does he have for a desk/office job? Can he sit at a desk for long periods - sounds daft but it's not the same as sitting on a sofa and some people with arthritis can't manage desk jobs for this reason.

I used to work as a health claims assessor for an insurance company and whether someone can work can be a lot more complex than it first seems.

I'm not defending him, all I'm saying is there's a lot of missing information here.

But separately, the OP seems really unhappy with him - this sounds more like the nail in the coffin, rather than the entire issue.

There is no point in people suggesting jobs he can do. You said it yourself, he's lazy and doesn't want to work. His leg doesn't prevent him from doing a customer service job remotely, he would just rather sit home and watch TV while you support the family.

Is there any reason you write sch run instead of school run?

It's not at all unreasonable to expect him to work if he has an arthritic knee. My DH has a chronic autoimmune illness which causes severe fatigue and other random bouts of illness that are strange and unpredicatble. He still works 4 days a week from home as a software developer. It tires him out a lot, but he does it because he wants financial stability. And because he'd be bored out of his mind doing nothing but watching tv. He also does approx. half of the household tasks, especially the admin ones like arranging insurance renewals, etc.

We both WFH, sitting down much of the day. There's really no excuse at all that your partner can't do something. If you move out, he'll be forced to pull himself together.