He does not want to work

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He would have to be more affected by his arthritis than Op outlines to get PIP.

Has he tried for PIP (Personal Independent Payment) it's not means tested

Common law partner is also know as a de facto partner

Sorry OP he is having you over here. I have quite a few conditions where I suffer chronic pain, including arthritis in my hands and knees. I’ve had 2 partial knee replacements. If his knee was that bad he would have been offered a replacement. I work part time, mainly remotely because it is easier for my pain but with a few hours in the office on 2 days. He is bone idle, simple. He has no intention of going to work because he has gotten used to being off. You need to put a stop to this selfish behaviour now and tell him he has 2 options, get a job or leave. Do not be taken for a mug anymore.

Absolutely. And what a bad example to your children. He will be a nightmare to get rid of too. I feel for you.

One thing that jumps out at me is that there doesn’t seem to be any mention of the type of arthritis he has. If it’s rheumatoid (which it sounds like if he’s having the knee drained periodically) it won’t just be a single joint that’s affected. I have a similar problem with one knee due to RA - swollen and very painful. Also gives way under me frequently. But the RA causes problems in other joints and has other effects because it’s autoimmune and the treatment (methotrexate) causes nausea. I think we need a bit of clarification for a full picture of what may be happening.

l would be revisiting the PIP claim for him OP, but if he was refused because he ran out of time to return the paperwork he can’t appeal. He would have to make a new claim - which l think he would probably have to do now anyway as you only get 28 days in which to appeal after being turned down.

If he hasn’t claimed any state benefits so far, he’s unlikely to qualify for anything other than means tested benefits, which would count all household income, so there may not be anything payable, but it still might be an idea to go to the Jobcentre with him to see a disability adviser and get an idea of what’s available and what he could do. Might give him a bit of motivation.

Sounds like maybe he's depressed and needs to accept he can't be active in the same way anymore. But this is his problem. It sounds like you're carrying all the load, so i would tell him you're unhappy and he needs to change something

He's choosing not to work because he believes you will carry him and he can have a decent life on your wage.
He will never work until he has to.
Definitely this one needs to be left and move forwards with ur kids.

It sounds like it's a frustrating situation, but I'm unsure why you're bothering asking the original question since you're planning to leave him. You don't sound like you love him any more, or that he brings any real value to your life (emotionally or otherwise), so I'd just crack on and move out. I'm disabled and hold down a full time job, as do many people. Others genuinely aren't able to, and they need support - which they should absolutely get. You do as you choose and make sure your children have happy and full lives, hopefully still seeing their dad. What he does is up to him - maybe the change in circumstances will push him to make changes himself. Maybe it won't, but at least you'll no longer feel you're in the position you are now.

I am in two minds about this. Surely his insurance policy would not pay out if he could do another job? If the pain is really bad, it may make working difficult or impossible. But his Dr would be the best to advise. Arthritis UK would be the best people to get advice about suitable jobs.
If he is just being lazy, then you need to decide whether you continue trying to pressure him to get a job, to accept his laziness, or to end your marriage. Sorry, but what other options do you have? I cant think of any.

She actually seemed to be saying that he does the dishwasher and doesn’t like the way she loads it. I could be wrong though. I’ve found some of the OP’s posts a bit confusing.

Hi, just an fyi, there isn’t such a legal status as a common law husband/wife in the UK.

As a PP said, it will be difficult for him to make changes after 3-years of sitting on the sofa. He is likely to feel anxiety at the prospect of re-joining the working world and he may be suffering from clinical depression. If that’s the case, he will need something to motivate him. You’ve mentioned repeatedly that you have asked him to try various things, but have you actually told him how you feel and that you won’t tolerate the situation going forward? Does he know that you will leave him?

He could literally do any desk job with arthritis in one leg, a lot of people do a lot more with much more life limiting conditions. He doesn't want to work, simple.

I think he's in a great deal of discomfort. Not exactly his fault but you have to decide if you want to continue to carry the load. Think if the situation was reversed. Would you being a woman make any difference?

There are plenty of jobs he could do if he wanted to. He doesnt want to though so you will get nowhere trying to find a job for him.

You’re better off directing your energy at getting rid of this person. I don’t say it lightly. I get he has health issues etc. But he also has 2 kids to think of which he is not doing. He is enjoying a nice life watching tv and having you do everything to fund it.
You will run yourself into the ground and will lose your sleep over family finances (bitter experience of that here).

A lot of marriages break up for financial reasons and it might seem calous but it really isn’t. If one party is not pulling their weight that’s a dealbreaker. Put yourself first. He will have to find a job when you’re out of this.

I have moderate to severe arthritis in my knee which is often very painful. I can't walk far but I work full time as my employers (seeing all the effort I am putting in whist waiting for treatment) have made concessions and adaptations for me. I can't afford not to work!

No, you're not being unreasonable. I have Arthritis in many joints but still work (a lot through Zoom but some face-to-face) and I have many days where staying in bed would definitely be the easier option. He's taking the piss.

He could easily do a desk job even remotely. My dad was diagnosed with MS at 50. He carried on working for another 10 years before he really had no choice but to retire on grounds of ill health. Due to his disability, they trained him up on the computers.

True: you are either married or not.

I'm older than him, got arthritis in both knees. I work as a carer and have to hoist people and push wheelchairs. Of course there are jobs he can do. Especially ones where he can sit on his arse all day!

I’m sorry but got to page 6 and cannot follow the thread. Yes I get he’s a lazy bugger with arthritis and won’t work.

But OP response to enquiries about house ownership whether OP owns another one or doesn’t and is renting /leasing the one she’s in now or not.
And wtf is loading dishwasher to do with anything? Shove the plates in and rinse. And if he doesn’t like it tough.
Lack of clear thinking here.

My DH has worked full time for 30 years with cronic pain and just had to take early retirement at 53
Your OH is a lazy tosser

Be honest with yourself

What good (positive from your perspective) qualities does he have?
Make a list on paper if needed

If not many (or none) time for honest conversation and make clear your feelings If nothing improves plan to separate

Good luck whatever choice you make 💐