Is it rude to always reverse invitations

"Actually dd would really like your dd to come to ours. "

To me this is more rude and I would stop hanging out with someone making snarky remarks at basically nothing

People are different though, I think sometimes we really overthink these things. Just go with the flow, there doesn’t seem to be any harm in it or any malice.

No its not rude. If they made it happen at your place after they'd invited you, that would be rude. Not a massive deal.

I’d call it out!

funny, we always end up at your house, don’t like mine??

or

oh you always host, I feel bad, come over, no no. I insist. Well I was trying to be polite why not my house?

it might be an animal or gluten allergy. Or they just like staying home.

but honestly I’d start inviting them for dinner once a week - lol!

I think there are people who love hosting and people who prefer to be hosted. We have friends that feel more comfortable in their own home and not keen on walking home, whereas we are happy to go over and walk back. However, if they have never been over or even allowed DD over that is a bit much, I would try and push the point that your DD wants her over and see how it goes.

It may be that one or more members of the family have anxieties or something like that which makes it difficult for them to go to other people's houses. For example, my son has SEN and I avoid going to people's houses as know it unsettles him and he misbehaves and I don't trust him in other people's houses not to have a meltdown. It's unlikely to be anything to do with you or your DD and more to do with their personal situation.

@Vonesk stole your dh 😱😱

I think I knew someone like this , she did accept one or two of my invites but then I' went to HERS and took donations of FOOD ,which was never eaten in front of me ( but saved till later)....after reading the room s few times I realised that shes very fastidious about doing things HER way,; about GERMS...Theres s lot of strange things hoing on. All sorts of people. Another friend drank endless cups of tea.....and never ATE. Another friend sat chatting for hours. Never drank anything. Another friend ate and drank all sorts and stole my DH.

Oh Lord, yes! Also the CF-ery of trying to change the plan after everyone else has already agreed.
It really depends. If I'm meeting a friend for the sole purpose of catching up with them happy for suggestions. But sometimes, it's a specific thing I want to do , would be nice to have company. I'm not changing it.

I would find this odd too. I quite like being able to invite who I want e.g. I invite A for coffee then bump into my neighbour who I would also like to catch up with. Can't do that at someone else's house.

It is odd, but you don't know the reason for it. It could be something they don't want to discuss. That said, if it's bothering you, ask.

It’s a bit rude, I think. It reminds me of those times where I’d invite someone to join me and some friends and they’d say yes but they’d rather meet at 3pm, not 2pm, and can we go to the other area of town and they’d rather have noodles than pizza. Sometimes it’s nice for someone to just accept the invitation offered, rather than adapt it.

Meagainforfun

That’s incredibly sad.

It might be anxiety about 'owing'. Maybe she is worried that if you'd host, she'd be in your debt.
I've had highly anxious friends who were always worrying about potentially offending someone or being perceived as 'profiting'. They had to always be the 'giver' and found it very hard to accept anything. I had to really insist and make it very clear that it would be my pleasure, wouldn't put me out at all, in fact would be to my benefit (e.g.waiting for delivery) to host at ours.

Personally with friends I don't keep book about who hosted how often etc beyond keeping a vague eye on making sure I offer sometimes, and don't come to rely on them to make the effort all the time. But I know that some of my friends are painfully careful and feel (unnecessarily, to me) worried about being in anyone's debt, so they prefer to host unless I insist. For them I find I have to spell it out: 'It's definitely my turn', 'it is making me feel uncomfortable that you seem to be always hosting and me never' or 'you'll be doing me a favour by coming to ours'.

I think it is odd and rude. I had a friend like this, we always had to go to her place, even for MY birthday. Then I put my foit down politely on one occasion and after that things were a bit more even. A friend had to deal with the issue of another couple inviting her daughter to a sleepover, but their daughter was never allowed to sleep over at my friends. Eventually the other mother admitted that her husband 'did not feel comfortable for his daughter to be overnight in a house with another man'. My friends husband retorted 'So I'm supposed to trust you to care for MY daughter but your husband doesn't trust me to care for yours?' There were never any more sleep overs after that and very soon other parents in the friendship group dropped this child from activities. Years later the mum of the dropped child admitted that her husband had successfully alienated his child and left her with no friends.

I agree it's rude, it's fine if there's a good train for it but otherwise it's denigrating your hospitality.

I have a friend who does this - but she is upfront and says it is a nuisance getting her younger child out the house to come and collect the older one from a play date. Which is fair enough.

If it is bugging you, plan a play date with several children (ideally including a couple they don’t know). She can’t possibly insist that lots of children change the location to hers.

I agree with you OP. We were friendly with a couple and we both had kids similar ages. They always hosted friendship group get togethers summer BBQ’s, Halloween, Christmas party and birthday party as her myself and someone else in the friendship group all had birthdays in the same month ankids playdates etc etc.

At first I didn’t mind as their house and garden were slightly bigger than ours. But once we had our extension completed I wanted to return the favour and wanted to have them and everyone else round. I tried with a couple of things I think it’s our turn to have everyone round for a Halloween party, BBQ, kids playdate etc. But my offer was never accepted it was always thanks but we always do X at ours and we like doing them. So tell you what just come to us etc.

It got to the point where it was embarrassing and we gave up and went along with it. Anyway we didn’t have pets and weren’t anymore untidy no special needs. I think the issue was she was just a total control freak who always wanted to be in control, be appreciated and feel powerful and no way was she relinquishing any of that. We eventually fell out and I am so glad we have.

Exactly this

Exactly. It's almost dismissive.

Intrigued as to the answer to this one... Waiting in anticipation for update

We used to do some swapping of kids during the holidays but there was always one house where I didn’t want dc to go - because they had a shoes off rule but their carpet was grotty, when the mum and I would meet up I’d always offer my house first!
If you’re going to have a shoes off rule please make sure your bloody floors are clean 😂
OP not saying you have grubby floors by the way, it just came to me reading this thread.

A good friend of mine is this like. She just prefers to be at her house and be in control. I love suggesting things with her as I am normally in control of everything so its nice.

MN, the land of people who won't even open their front door will come up with all sorts of excuses. Anxiety, germaphobia, every disability under the sun, blah blah blah.

The simple fact of the matter is - unless there's a clearly communicated reason, it's a bit rude.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love this situation, not having to clean etc but even then, I'd like to host sometimes.

There's no need for anybody to jump to conclusions however. You just need to ask them!