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Original poster

To think it is unprofessional for a man to go to work with unshaven stubble?

136 replies

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:00

I think it is still considered unprofessional for a man to go into a work office with unshaven stubble. I’m not taking about close cut beards, or moustaches or groomed facial hair. I am talking 2-3day old stubble. I am also not talking about WFH, but going into an office environment where he will meet with colleaugues and clients.

YABU- I’m old fashioned and it is perfectly ok for a man to have wild, free range stubble these days in an office setting.

YANBU- It is not ok to have stubble in the office.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:35

KreedKafer · 09/08/2024 09:35

The problem here is not that he doesn’t shave for work. It’s that you hate each other.

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I don’t hate him. I thought I was looking out for him by suggesting he do a quick shave. I also ironed his clothes and made coffee for his work mug.

Sigh. Well I need to get back to my job as well. Thank you for the quick input all.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:35

CroutonSpoon · 09/08/2024 09:33

This is an epic drip feed.

It sounds like the main issue is his attitude, both at work and at home.

As noted above, if he was good at the job itself, his appearance wouldn’t matter - I work in professional services and there are some proper scruffs and (shock, horror) some obese people, but they do their job to the standard required so no-one cares.

Sorry for drip feed. I hate them too and it was not my intent. Sorry again. Not off to best start this morning am I!

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 09/08/2024 09:35

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:23

Marriage is not at its best. He called me a bitch and threw a box at me for suggesting he shave this morning.

Show quote history

The problem here is not that he doesn’t shave for work. It’s that you hate each other.

Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:34

RedToothBrush · 09/08/2024 09:32

I love how you are blaming his performance on his appearance. I guess that's spousal loyalty.

If he's struggling to pass probation there's a bigger problem.

Stubble is very much fine in the majority of workplaces in 2024 and wouldn't even be on the radar for probation. As long as he's performing no one would bat an eyelid.

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I agree I am reaching but he has told me his performance was really good, zero complaints, fires put out quickly, positive feedback…so I am at a loss as to why other than ageism/fat phobia being amplified by his dishevelled appearance.

OP posts:
CroutonSpoon · 09/08/2024 09:33

This is an epic drip feed.

It sounds like the main issue is his attitude, both at work and at home.

As noted above, if he was good at the job itself, his appearance wouldn’t matter - I work in professional services and there are some proper scruffs and (shock, horror) some obese people, but they do their job to the standard required so no-one cares.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 09/08/2024 09:32

My DH used to be clean shaven, and his skin got really irritated from it because he had to do it daily. He's one where he can shave on a morning and by the end of the day he has stubble that on many men would look like 3 days growth.

He now has a beard and is much happier and more well groomed looking. And it suits him better.

But "looking dishevelled" from not shaving is a personal opinion. Potentially if he was in scruffy clothes, a bit grubby and had the stubble, yes. But overall with a tidy appearance, stubble is fine.

RedToothBrush · 09/08/2024 09:32

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:07

What if the man were obese and pushing 60 and it just makes him look like he is dishevelled?

(Yes this comes from a disagreement with my DH who is starting his 3rd job this year… I feel his lack of personal grooming might have something to do with why he isn’t passing probation)

I love how you are blaming his performance on his appearance. I guess that's spousal loyalty.

If he's struggling to pass probation there's a bigger problem.

Stubble is very much fine in the majority of workplaces in 2024 and wouldn't even be on the radar for probation. As long as he's performing no one would bat an eyelid.

Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:31

Well 92% YABU, so I will apologise to him then. 😔
I don’t know how I will address the possibility he is not being truthful on why he was let go.
Maybe if he loses this job too, I will press a bit harder.

OP posts:
ntmdino · 09/08/2024 09:31

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:00

I think it is still considered unprofessional for a man to go into a work office with unshaven stubble. I’m not taking about close cut beards, or moustaches or groomed facial hair. I am talking 2-3day old stubble. I am also not talking about WFH, but going into an office environment where he will meet with colleaugues and clients.

YABU- I’m old fashioned and it is perfectly ok for a man to have wild, free range stubble these days in an office setting.

YANBU- It is not ok to have stubble in the office.

No more so than it is for a woman to show up to work without a full face of makeup. I've been working for years without makeup, and nobody's ever accused me of being unprofessional...you should try it, it's quite liberating.

The stubble look is very common these days, so it's not even particularly unusual.

gingercat02 · 09/08/2024 09:29

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:23

Marriage is not at its best. He called me a bitch and threw a box at me for suggesting he shave this morning.

Show quote history

Ah! The real story

titchy · 09/08/2024 09:29

Bjorkdidit · 09/08/2024 09:26

If he was performing anywhere near expectations at work, his appearance wouldn't be an issue.

Maybe his 'not fitting in with the team' is shouting, swearing and throwing things when his managers try to manage him at work?

Yes this. Probably coupled with an attitude and sense of entitlement: 'I'm 60 and far better than you youngsters and too good to deal with the tedious boring parts of the job'

Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:28

Bjorkdidit · 09/08/2024 09:26

If he was performing anywhere near expectations at work, his appearance wouldn't be an issue.

Maybe his 'not fitting in with the team' is shouting, swearing and throwing things when his managers try to manage him at work?

No, he manages to treat everyone else better than me. He saves it up.

OP posts:
gingercat02 · 09/08/2024 09:28

If he is clean (personal hygiene) and suitably dressed fur the workplace he is in, there is no way his appearance should affect his probation.
If he is scruffy or unkempt, it might, but that should be addressed as part of his supervision long before he is let go.

SallyWD · 09/08/2024 09:28

I disagree. Some men like the stubble look. Nome of your business what they do with their facial hair.

Cas112 · 09/08/2024 09:28

Why does it matter 😂

Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:27

snowballsintheoven · 09/08/2024 09:24

I have came across millions of men over the years and never once seen one who looks bad with a day or two stubble

Except my dad

My dad looks like he lives in a hedge if he's unshaven. He once went on a shave strike, and my mother had to threaten to behead his darling flowers until he shaved Grin that lasted two days

Honestly, it's unbelievable how dreadful he looks. Professional job, impeccable hygiene, well cut and tailored clothes - but if he misses the razor for one morning he is Ian Beale going through his episode

My DH is like that. His facial hair is patchy, it grows at different rates and there isn’t enough for a beard if he tried to grow one.

OP posts:
Catza · 09/08/2024 09:27

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:23

Marriage is not at its best. He called me a bitch and threw a box at me for suggesting he shave this morning.

Show quote history

Ah, and this probably gives us a lot more information about why he may be failing his probations and the mysterious "is not a good fit for the team".

Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:26

surprisedactually · 09/08/2024 09:24

ah, and there we have it

OP… that should have been your thread today

not a daft thread about stubble

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Sigh, you are right. I just felt like I was being wholly unreasonable and doubted about the whole idea of looking professional still being a thing to consider when starting a new job.

OP posts:
Bjorkdidit · 09/08/2024 09:26

If he was performing anywhere near expectations at work, his appearance wouldn't be an issue.

Maybe his 'not fitting in with the team' is shouting, swearing and throwing things when his managers try to manage him at work?

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/08/2024 09:26

My dad looks like he lives in a hedge if he's unshaven. He once went on a shave strike, and my mother had to threaten to behead his darling flowers until he shaved that lasted two days“

Seriously, I’d go nuts if someone did something like that to me.

Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:25

CharlieRight · 09/08/2024 09:22

Well hopefully the failed probation was just a blip and number 3 will work out, but it must have hurt to be made redundant and then loose job number 2 and he could need some support and even be depressed as mentioned above

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I have been trying to support him. It’s hard though with the way he reacts.

OP posts:
snowballsintheoven · 09/08/2024 09:24

I have came across millions of men over the years and never once seen one who looks bad with a day or two stubble

Except my dad

My dad looks like he lives in a hedge if he's unshaven. He once went on a shave strike, and my mother had to threaten to behead his darling flowers until he shaved Grin that lasted two days

Honestly, it's unbelievable how dreadful he looks. Professional job, impeccable hygiene, well cut and tailored clothes - but if he misses the razor for one morning he is Ian Beale going through his episode

surprisedactually · 09/08/2024 09:24

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:23

Marriage is not at its best. He called me a bitch and threw a box at me for suggesting he shave this morning.

Show quote history

ah, and there we have it

OP… that should have been your thread today

not a daft thread about stubble

Original poster
LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2024 09:23

surprisedactually · 09/08/2024 09:22

this issue aside happy supportive loving marriage?

Marriage is not at its best. He called me a bitch and threw a box at me for suggesting he shave this morning.

OP posts:
Elephantjuicedup · 09/08/2024 09:23

Are you going to pay for her razor blades like he pays for your tampons

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