To think this is not acceptable behaviour from a dad to his 8 year old son...?

I hate the word 'tapping', it doesn't change the fact an adult has hit a child regardless of what word you use. I think people use this word to make them feel better about witnessing (or carrying out) abuse.

Its not acceptable
DH grew up with an alcoholic father who shouted a lot and was occasionally physically violent as well and he has never touched either of the DC in anger. In fact he still upsets himself remembering the time he put DD in her bouncy chair a bit roughly when he was at the end of his sleep deprived tether with her.
Its good that you are going to your Mums but unfortunately he is likely to get unsupervised time with the DC in the future

Yes there are other dads who do these things. They’re nasty bastards too.
Why are you trying to minimise this?

The posters having a go at op and instructing her to 'safeguard' her child from its father...how do you suggest she does this? If they split the father will have unsupervised access to the child because, like it or not, none of these behaviours will be on a courts radar for preventing contact.
Obviously it's horrible behaviour but it's not bad enough to withhold contact in the eyes of a family court so simply 'packing a bag and protecting your child' isn't very realistic in the long run.
Op I suggest you talk calmly to your dh and explain that your dc won't be small always. If he continues to intimidate and upset him in this way there's a good chance he won't want to have contact with him when he's older and by that point it will be his choice.
I know what it's like to co parent with someone whose views and parenting style is very different to yours. It's awful. You should never have to feel like you have to protect your child from their other parent.

Of course it's not good behaviour. One point though, why didn't your son obeyed his father when told to go his room?

And yes I would be out of the door by now- either you need to get him out or sell something and rent for a few months whilst your divorce is finalised.

Sorry OP no none of this has ever happened in my house. Yes we’ve both shouted at the kids but never called them stupid, not any of the other stuff too.

Shouting at child in anger

• we probably do all shout at our kids at some point, but there's a big difference between shouting to get their attention and shouting because you've lost control yourself.

• Tapping child's bottom with his hand

• physical violence I never OK again anyone

• Grabbing child's wrists to get him off the sofa and move him towards the door

• very few occasions when I might grab, eg. If they were attacking sibling and wouldn't stop, so I had to physically remove them. Only as a last resort.

• Calling child stupid

• not OK, though I am guilty of saying "that was stupid" when referring to something they have done. Silly would be a better word to use thought.

• Claiming his mothers parenting 'lets him get away with bad behaviour'

• in a private conversation with mother, I'd say it's OK to share views on parenting. Bad mouthing the other parent to get kid, not OK.

• Chasing child in anger around island in the kitchen shouting for him to go to his room.

• depends how angry the "in anger" is. Sending kids to their room for bad behaviour isn't unreasonable (though not my preferred strategy). If the kid runs off instead of going when told, then I can see why he would chase, so probably depends what happened before and after.

Why is your child being asked to go to his room and why isn't he doing it?

Hey Op, I’m so sorry you and your kids are going through this, it’s unacceptable.
It’s not as simple as just splitting though, he will get court ordered contact if he wants it and then you won’t be there to protect your kids. I hate to put it so bluntly, but this is not a simple situation.
it might be a good idea to get family law legal advice on this before you make further moves, it may be that you can gather evidence that might help. I have spent a lot of time in the family court system and from experience I would say that a direct access barrister is better than a solicitor. they are cheaper and better informed as they actually work on the front line. I can recommend a very good one if you want to pm me

Mine did. Although more often than every couple of months. I'd say he would be doing one of these things at least twice a week. I've left him because of it. Wish I'd left sooner. (Kids a bit younger than yours).

There are no men in my life who would use their greater size and strength to intimidate and chastise a smaller weaker person. Men know very well that physically they have the upper hand over women and children, and are able to exploit that if they choose. Decent ones make sure they never do. Never. No exceptions, no grey areas.

No - my DH has shouted at our teens occasionally, but I’ve shouted worse, I have to admit. He never shouted at them when they were young and he has never hit them or grabbed them.

My son is 8 next month and I agree with this.

Shouting in anger - not great parenting, but occasional loss of cool resulting in a sharp "stop that!" is human. Yelling aggressively up in a childs face is not.
Physically moving child is only OK in an emergency or extreme situation. It teaches child nothing other than theyre smaller than Dad, and scares them. Also ridiculous to do this as one day they'll be far too big to be dragged around.
Chasing them around the kitchen in anger is horrible, also pointless.
Calling child "stupid" not acceptable, saying "stop being silly" or "think what you're doing..." is ok.
Telling child their mother is a rubbish parent (ie lets them away with bad behaviour) is nasty. Sounds like you cant be together, so need to reach an agreement on some boundaries then have a "no, not when I'm looking after you" type scenario. EG "Parent A lets me play online all day" gets "well, I'm not Parent A, so now its getting put away".

Honestly no, we've raised 5 sons and my DH would never have behaved like this. An adult shouting, chasing, grabbing a child's wrists etc has lost their temper and lost control of themselves. Your husband should have walked away and calmed down. He's got a bloody cheek criticising your parenting frankly! I imagine things are a bit tense in the home if you are divorcing and stuck living in the same house 🙁 could this be having an effect on the children's behaviour? It might be good to take the kids to stay at your mum's for a couple of days and let things calm down. Hope your housing situation is resolved soon 💐

I think there’s a vast difference between raising your voice in frustration to what you have described.

were on week 3 of the summer holidays, I have an 8 year old - the days where he has been asked a million times to do the same thing yes there’s been sharpness and voices raised. But never has he been hit, or dragged to his room nor has he been chased or called names by an adult expected to be his role model

NO!, other Dad's do not do these things, because other Dad's do not abuse their children physically, emotionally and mentally like your husband.

He's really done a job on you, that you even think that this is some kind of common Dad behavior

Protect your poor children and stop this abuse of them.

Tell your DH that if he grabs him and won't let go, you'll phone the police. Is there anyone who would agree for you to WA video call so you have a witness? It needs recording. Leave him to sulk.

Shouting is one thing. Calling names, grabbing, hitting, physically moving a child around - those are something else completely. I dont think there is a parent alive who hasnt shouted/wanted to shout at their kids at some point. But shouting 'will you listen to me' is not necessarily abusive. What you have described is.

I have a great relationship with my dad btw

As long as everything is on his terms, I imagine.

Maybe report him to the police for assaulting her children and have him removed from the home. Get a non-molestation order.
Do those children have to live like this for however long it will take them to get divorced?