To want to travel on my own to meet with friends and not have to involve my dh

Me too! I live in the US and abandoned my husband and three kids for 10 days so I could have a blissful trip back to Blighty!

Just tell him "it's a girls' weekend, no men are invited, no other partners coming. Now that's an end to the conversation."

THIS and enjoy your much deserved time away

Why is he so desperate to join you? Maybe this could be a refreshing start to both doing your own thing now and again? No one else seems to be taking OHs so make that clear. Xx

Oh heck, always important to have your time travelling to see friends on your own. Some couples seem to do everything together, nothing separately and I find that a bit strange. Even with younger DC I would bugger off for a weekend on my own and so would DH. Much needed! Xx

This is why I never want to live with a partner or get married.
I get actual anxiety over just the thought of not being able to do things independently.

Stand firm on this one OP.
It sounds like a great opportunity for you and think you’ll have a great time.

Tell him thanks for the offer but you want to spend the time with your new friends and not him or the kids.
If he keeps pestering you then tell him firmly no.

I hope you have a great time, I’m sure you will 💐
Please update the thread to let us know how you get on 😁

Tell him it’s a girls’ weekend away, nobody else is taking partners/partners not allowed, you won’t be free in the evening because you’re going out for dinner with the others.

I’d just say you appreciate him being considerate and offering to accompany you but all the ladies are making a whole weekend of it so you’ll be busy the whole time. He can take your DC away on his own somewhere else if he wants but I’d be firm you want to do this alone

@Lentilweaver Me too, the AirPods example was just one that I use several times a week. 🤣

I am a bad wife. I go away on my own out of the country too. That gives me even more time alone.

Stand your ground. Just tell him the truth. You want a break away with your friends. He can take son somewhere else !!!! Cheeky fucker

So you'll be spending time with your book club after the days' events and not available for him at all. I think you need to make that clear

Nah @Lentilweaver @thicklysettled , there's plenty of us, we should start a secret society for Wives Who Want To Be Alone Sometimes. We can share practical tips on how to engineer alone time, e.g., folding clothes in the basement with your Airpods in, that’s one of my favorites.

If it will help I’ll tell what I tell my DH when he wants to tag along on business trips with me when I go to nice places.

“Hunny, you married an imperfect woman. I would love to say that I would be happy for you to golf during the day while I’m working, but I’d be lying. It would piss me off knowing you were having fun. So no you can’t join me”

Seriously just be blunt, don’t hint. “I love the both of you but you’re not welcome on my trip. Feel free to plan something else or plan something for the 3 of us on a different weekend. This is mine and it’s important to me”

ETA; Most importantly, have fun!

Just say that you appreciate his thoughtfulness in coming with you, but it’s about time you were brave and did something by yourself.

XH could be a bit like this. I described it as ‘learned dependence’. He told me I couldn’t do these things on my own and I started to believe him. Prior to us meeting, I’d been all over the country and abroad to see friends!
I think you need to phrase it as ‘I know you’ll think I want you to
come with me to support me, but actually like is something I need to do on my own’. Suggest something else for him and DS to do together.
My first big adventure after my separation was a trip to a friend’s wedding. 4 hour train journey, up north to a big city. It was scary but exhilarating! Gave me the confidence to do more. I think you need to do this alone.

Tell him you don't want him to come. That you want a weekend away. That hes not listening to you and ask him why he isn't listening to what you want.

And suggest he books himself a weekend away at some point too.

Explain to him that it’s a girls weekend away and that he should plan a boys weekend with ds2 in another city.

I hope that he’s not doing this to be controlling and that he assumed wrongly that you might want the company because you’re anxious about going away

I think that this is a sign that you should do more stuff like this. It’s good for you and your h to go away with friends and for ds2 to do it when the opportunity arises too.

In a way I feel saddened that you have never done this in 25 years, and indeed that your DH has not done similar, again because of an interest or hobby that is something you have no interest in.

It would change the entire dynamic of the weekend if you knew they were there waiting for you to finish up what you are doing so you can meet them to do XYZ...you'd feel pressured to go off and find them, when maybe you might have got chatting to people and want to go and have a coffee with them, or whatever it is you want to do. You need to be allowed to have some spontaneity and not have everything planned down to the last minute. Its about you this trip, not him and your child.

YANBU to want a weekend away with friends.

Assuming this is not an aspect of a controlling relationship or an overly needy partner, I think it’s nice that your DH wants to go on the trip and meet up in the evenings. Having a partner who still likes spending time with you after 25 years and looks for ways to maximise that is kind of sweet and testament to a pretty good relationship.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t go off for the weekend!

Hopefully he just hasn’t realised it’s not just the ticketed event and as soon as you explain that the idea is for it to just be book club members for the whole weekend he’ll get the picture. He’s maybe a bit excited about the idea of a weekend away. Perhaps suggest he takes DS2 off somewhere else - it would probably be great for them.

Me too!

Stand firm op.

Yes!

It sounds like a lovely trip. It won't do your husband any harm to realise that you can cope without him for a weekend. And there are fifty-odd other weekends in the year if he wants to arrange a getaway for the two of you.