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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shit therapy

36 replies

ThelittleBee · 08/08/2024 16:25

Anyone else been threw therapy/ a counselor and just felt like you are filling air for an hour? I have seen one in the past that I felt gave me perspective and right now the one I am seeing seems to just want me to talk for an hour when I really want advice or just something other then me repeating myself for a solid hour each and every week. I have started resented going but don't know how to tell her that she's not helping me in the slightest? For context I am trying to deal with grief, Taking things personally and being a huge people pleaser and each week she just seems to be completely silent! Last week I tried seeing how long it would take for her to say something and it was a solid 3 minutes of silence before she asked me... 'What else is troubling you?'. Lady, I have told you for over a month and she gives me literally NOTHING back. Any advice on how to say this to her from a people pleaser who hates confrontation ha!

OP posts:
ByGreatDenimCat · 08/08/2024 16:40

Maybe this modality of therapy is not what you need at this time. Look into different types of therapy.

However, it is interesting that you say you are there to work on people pleasing, and you can’t tell the therapist her approach is not working for her because you don’t want to upset her. You appear to be repeating in the therapy room what you do outside of it. That’s the point of therapy. You should tell her you’re unhappy with her approach and also that it’s uncomfortable to say that. See what happens.

Clarinet1 · 08/08/2024 16:39

There are different schools of therapy and some may suit some people better than others. There are also some bad or ineffective therapists out there.
Personally I spent some time (and money!) years ago seeing a therapist whose approach was lie on the couch and say whatever you wanted which resulted in some lengthy silences. She might then say what she thought I was wondering about her and her life. None of this was helpful and when I tried to end therapy she talked me into going back for, I think, several more sessions.
Perhaps time to look for someone else!

Screamingabdabz · 08/08/2024 16:36

YANBU - that’s how I felt when I went to counselling.

I awkwardly said ‘what do you want me to talk about?’ And she said ‘anything you like.’ So I talked about my childhood because that’s what they do in films and she sat there saying nothing. Pointless. No guidance or follow up questions. Just me chatting random shit. 🙄

Original poster
ThelittleBee · 08/08/2024 16:34

PinkWatermelon88 · 08/08/2024 16:31

I think two things can be true at the same time with this post. 1) the relationship isn't working for you and 2) therapists aren't supposed to offer advice, instead create the space for the client to come to their own conclusions. Offering advice actually goes against many of their ethical codes. There's a 3rd point here too where confrontation can feel daunting, and yet you deserve to feel supported and heard in your sessions.

Advice may have been the wrong word to use. My last one who is abroad now used to offer me insight, views from outside of my own mind and would give me genuine food for thought. I feel like I see this one just to try and fill time! We spoke about Boney M and seventy's music for like 30 minutes the last time just because she seemed to like that music too! Feels like Im on a bad date

OP posts:
AnotherNaCha · 08/08/2024 16:32

ThelittleBee · 08/08/2024 16:30

How do I even tell her in a way that doesnt ramp my anxiety back up to 11?

Show quote history

I would just drop her a message saying you feel like you are looping and going to look into a different therapeutic modality (even if you don’t). Therapists are used to it and will not take it personally. Don’t worry about managing her emotions

NotTerfNorCis · 08/08/2024 16:32

Maybe the act of telling her will help build your confidence! Put yourself first. You deserve better.

PinkWatermelon88 · 08/08/2024 16:31

I think two things can be true at the same time with this post. 1) the relationship isn't working for you and 2) therapists aren't supposed to offer advice, instead create the space for the client to come to their own conclusions. Offering advice actually goes against many of their ethical codes. There's a 3rd point here too where confrontation can feel daunting, and yet you deserve to feel supported and heard in your sessions.

Original poster
ThelittleBee · 08/08/2024 16:30

blackcherryconserve · 08/08/2024 16:29

I've had some poor therapists in the past but finally have one who is helping. I really think you need to dump her and find another. From a fellow people pleaser who is only just finding out why I act the way I do! Good luck.

How do I even tell her in a way that doesnt ramp my anxiety back up to 11?

OP posts:
BarrioQueen · 08/08/2024 16:29

You need to try someone else I think. I'm sorry for your loss.

blackcherryconserve · 08/08/2024 16:29

I've had some poor therapists in the past but finally have one who is helping. I really think you need to dump her and find another. From a fellow people pleaser who is only just finding out why I act the way I do! Good luck.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2024 16:27

Sack her. She's not working for you so find another therapist.