Concerned about anal sex

How the hell does enjoying anal sex make him bi? I could enjoy shoving numerous root vegetables up my arse but it wouldn't make may gay or even a vegetarian.

Men who enjoy anal sex can be heterosexual.

I can’t believe that has to be stated. If there are other reasons op is concerned about his sexuality that’s fine, but that alone is not and random strangers saying it is ignorant.

Well I'll be honest personally I find the idea of anal sex repulsive because it is unnatural : the muscles in the anus are designed to expel faecal matter . They are not 2 way and therefore eventually damage will occur. I've read about the possible health consequences previously and about the rising number of women going to A and E with damage caused by anal sex.

And I know some women say they enjoy anal sex but a lot more are coerced into it.

I think it's degrading for a woman and I find it really sad reading OPs post that her partner doesn't want to look her in the face. Horrible. And the fact he inflicts pain on her for his own pleasure says a lot about him .

I can't believe he isn't watching porn and the way OP describes the change in his behaviour it sounds as though it's increasingly extreme porn - that's what happens with regular porn use. I agree with the pp who says he was probably filming the three finger incident. I would be concerned what else he is filming and whether it's being shared.

OP is putting her health at real risk if she continues to have anal sex. It just sounds as though she is being used for his pleasure and he doesn't care at all about hers.

You have yourself totally bent out of shape trying to justify him using you in a totally objectifying way.
He certainly doesn't want to look at you and the three fingers is beyond grim.
I too think he filmed it, which is horrifying.
You are now injured and putting yourself at risk.

You are in massive denial about his porn use and his preferences.
At the very very least he is Bi IMO.
I would be taking Anal completely off the table.
I would imagine the relationship will be over fairly quickly if you don't dump him.

Have a look at the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

You have very poor boundaries and I would be most concerned about you.
What you described is not a loving relationship.
It is one partner fixated on their needs being met at any cost to you.
I would see your GP if the pain persists.
You are putting your health at risk.

I think most adults (especially men) as we get older get bored with the same old missionary with the lights off, and do desire to be more experimental sexually. That doesn't make him bi or gay. The issue here seems to be a lack of discussion prior and a lack of communication during.

Both are grown adults, both are in a LTR. Grow a theoritcal pair and talk about sex.

If stomach and bowel issues are an issue I'd suggest it may not be the most sensible sexual activity. But only the OP can decide.

Op if you was never to have anal sex ever again but connecting intimate loving sex of any other kind you so wish instead. How would you feel? Just your feelings not your partners.

It really does read that you endure anal for your partners pleasure or at the very least the escalating pressure from your partner to have it reads as if you really would rather not have this kind of sex in this way.(rightly so as he isnt listening to you) Have you ever sat down and perhaps journalled you thoughts feelings your journey to having anal sex? was it your decision to try it? Did you wonder about it? Did you have it previously to your partner? Did you experiment solo?

You obviously don't have to answer all that here but one part of understanding this really needs you to decide if it's something you genuinely want and putting boundaries in place to keep you safe either way.

Those boundaries might be no sex untill your partner figures out where the escalation/ pressure is coming from.

You say you know for certain he isn't watching porn? How is it you can know for certain? I counsel sex addicts and they often have burner phones/secret laptops/ access in work.

This is very typical in what we see and hear from partners. A escalation and often a feeling of dehumanisation during sex .Missing a connection/intimacy.

I wouldn’t do it - not for me. Sex should be about mutual pleasure. 🙄

And my advice is that you can’t do anything with a man who is like this in bed.. She wants a different kind of sex to him. He’s more about his pleasure than hers. He keeps pestering her for positions she doesn’t want to do. And now he’s hurt her.

I can only imagine how low your bar is set that you think this is worth talking about.

Hi OP, I think the fact he seems to be fixated on anal sex is concerning you(it would for me too). You will feel increasingly resentful and upset if you don't have an honest open discussion about it. Take care OP, you shouldn't be doing anything that you aren't 100% comfortable with (emotionally or physically)

Whist she didn’t enjoy it she clearly stated it was consensual. That’s why my advice was to talk it though and set clear boundaries. You know, like adults

Give it a rest! It's not about you. I'm sorry if this has triggered you for some reason, but please know if you are getting injuries from sex with your husband that it's not normal, it's abuse.

She didn’t last night.

The OP said she enjoyed it when very in the mood. Which implies when normally in the mood for sex she's not that keen. He doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference.

Well, I assume she enjoys it with him, no?

It was literally my reply to you can’t get injured from vaginal and oral sex 😵‍💫

That’s about her and her preferences.

I’m talking about his performance.

I meant what the fuck has the got to do with anything?
”On another point, sometimes it’s hot to pretend that you’re dating a stranger. Me and my husband do it sometimes.”

@Veryoldandtired

VERY strange 🤔

I still think its highly likely that he filmed the 3 finger commentary incident.

Fundamentally he might as well fuck a block of cheese with a hole drilled in for all the care he gives for the OP's enjoyment.

She literally said it herself in the original post
if I am very in the mood, I do enjoy (anal)

My OH was obsessed like this with doggy and anal, turned out he was bi but denied it for a very long time. Might not be the case for your OH but i'd bet any money that he's still watching porn. What a disgusting man to be trying to ram as many fingers as he can anywhere in your body. I certainly wouldn't be entertaining anal anything with him again. You deserve someone much better than this OP.

I'm always astounded at posters like these, who are chomping at the bit to tell everyone about their aexual preferences. Nobody asked and it's completely irrelevant to the op! And it does read very much as you said.

@embarrassingadvice you aren't enjoying sex with him and especially his new increase in preferences. You say you've talked to him. Maybe it's time to move on? If he hasn't wanted to change before now, I doubt he will.

Moreover, you do not have to have sex you don't enjoy. Consent should be enthusiastic, and it sounds more like you're being coerced. Please don't have sex you aren't enjoying.

She doesn’t have to it’s clear from her description.

Whatever his motivations, this is not working for you op. So, I would have a chat with him and say no more anal (fingers or penis) and explain that you would like to have sex in ways that make you feel more connected with each other. If he can't listen to that, take it on board and explore other options with you then you have a significant problem in the relationship.

You’d be surprised but there was nothing unusual. People injure themselves under all sorts of ordinary circumstances